Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: LONDON TIMES

Cheers to the British police for nabbing suspects in the recent London bombing attempts. Besides the fact that we're all fighting terrorism, you know what's scary? The surveillance images of the four suspects are clearer and more current than pics from any guy who contacted me earlier this year on Match.com. I'm sure some of you know what I'm talkin' about. Enjoy your weekend. Sign the guestbook.
Saturday, July 30th 2005 - 08:46:18 AM

Reporting in from: Summer Stock
ENTRY: GET HAPPY

Please understand if I go a couple of days without blogging next week. I'm taking a quick and very short business trip to L.A. this coming Tuesday. Why? I have a meeting with an executive in charge of talent development for Telepictures Productions. That's the company behind such programs as "Ellen," "Extra," "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette." In September, it launches the Tyra Banks talkshow.

He's meeting several performers. I'm one of them. My absolutely fabulous Cousin Sputnick is meeting me out there and will help me get around. My equally fabulous sister, who knows that I haven't had an audition since Valentine's Day, asked if this feels like drops of rain in the desert. I said, "Honey...it feels more like being under an umbrella beside an Esther Williams pool and having iced tea served to me by actor Javier Bardem. Shirtless." I'm that excited and grateful for just having a meeting. Imagine if I actually got offered a job. Wish me luck. And thanks to all of you who've sent me kind words and good humor. You have no idea how much they've made me smile during this long stretch of unemployment. What an unexpected adventure is coming up next week! If I was a Telepictures producer, I'd star Ellen DeGeneres and me in a musical version of GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER? Whaddaya think? Could it work? Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, July 27th 2005 - 06:04:40 PM

Reporting in from: The Emerald City
ENTRY: A JOCK OF ALL TRADES

Likeable eye candy Mario Lopez, former star of "Saved By the Bell," is set to co-anchor a new show for ESPN2. The title is "ESPN Hollywood" and it'll cover the link between entertainment and professional sports. Besides the teen sitcom, Lopez was a regular on NBC's "The Other Half" -- Dick Clark's attempt at an all-male version of ABC's "The View" -- and he hosted "Pet Star" on Animal Planet.

A male executive for the ESPN project said this to the press: "One of the things we liked about Mario is that he really knows sports and he's passionate about what this show is going to be." He went on to add that Mario was a high school wrestler in San Diego. Yeah, right.

OK. Here's my take on it. I think that executive had a major life-altering moment back in the 90s when he watched Mario Lopez wear Speedo trunks and play Olympic swimming champ Greg Louganis in a TV bio. He never talked about it. But, if he did, his girlfriend would finally understand his obsession with track lighting, his constantly playing the original cast recording of "Wicked," and why he cries more than she does at the end of "Beaches" starring Bette Midler. Just my opinion. I wish Mario the best. Cool dude. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, July 27th 2005 - 07:39:24 AM

Reporting in from: The Baked Apple
ENTRY: A MAYAN IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE

Mel Gibson's controversial mega-hit, THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, had characters speaking in the ancient Aramaic language. The Oscar-winning superstar will produce and direct a new historical epic called APOCALYPTO. In articles about his new project, little is known other than it'll take place 500 years ago in Central America and unknown Mexican actors will play characters speaking an obscure Mayan language.

Gibson got great initial response to THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST when he presented preview screenings for conservative Christian groups. When completed, my sources tell me that APOCALYPTO will be screened for the domestic help and lawn care maintenance teams that work for Mr. Gibson and his rich friends in Brentwood, Beverly Hills and West Hollywood. Well...it's gonna be another hot one in the city today. Keep cool and thanks for your attention.
Tuesday, July 26th 2005 - 07:47:15 AM

Reporting in from: City, State
ENTRY: CITY HALL MONITOR

The change and events of this month still stun me. On the first Monday of July, the big story on our mayor and our mass transit system was that he would fine riders to prohibit us from drinking coffee and walking between subway cars en route. Today, the last Monday of the month, New Jersey mass transit is now subject to the random search that Mayor Bloomberg and the NYPD have us New Yorkers subject to because of the London bombings. The biggest surprise was discovering that, since Sept 11th, the government guys had spent as much on safeguarding our NYC mass transit system as we spend on a double mocha latte at Starbucks. Someone should fine them.
Monday, July 25th 2005 - 12:02:55 PM

Name: GrandMaster B
Reporting in from: Gotham City
ENTRY: THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS

I was just thinking over the weekend about my good fortune to have had close encounters of the third kind with some icons of stage, screen and print thanks to my career. Thanks to luck, work and many work-related off-camera functions I have spent an appreciable amount of time with the following folks: Lucille Ball, Paul McCartney, Kirk Douglas, Meryl Streep, Norman Mailer, Tina Turner, Tom Hanks, Rita Moreno, Chita Rivera, Carlos Santana, Cher, Mick Jagger, Sean Penn, Sean "P Diddy" Combs, Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, George Clooney, Rosemary Clooney, Robin Williams, TV producer/film director James L. Brooks, Liza Minnelli, Madonna and Al Roker. (Can I drop names or what?!?!)

Of all those celebrities and superstars listed, which one was the loudest, needed the most attention and was the biggest diva? The last one mentioned. Ain't that a trip? Consider the contributions. How was your weekend? Sign the guestbook.
Sunday, July 24th 2005 - 12:01:52 PM

Reporting in from: FunkyTown
ENTRY: SEX SELLS

Can we talk about all this Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas videogame drama? Now the games are being yanked off store shelves because of the discovery that America's computer whiz kids could access some sex scenes hidden within the game. The sex caused a big honkin' controversy. HELLO?!?!?!?!?! Have grown-ups paid any attention to all the graphic violence on those games? Have they seen all the assault weapons in action? Have they seen other games of that sort where characters walk down streets and randomly blow people away with guns? America's youth is watching mind-numbing extreme violence the way kids used to watch "The Little Rascals," Bugs Bunny cartoons and Sesame Street. But no one had a hissyfit until it was discovered that the kids could see computer-generated images getting naked and doing the horizontal mambo. To me, it's just like the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction." We're living in terrorist times, a lot of which has been broadcast on live television, but people couldn't deal with a split second of Miss Jackson's partially exposed breast on the Superbowl. If America couldn't deal with a boob on the right side, George W. Bush never would've been re-elected. Just my opinion. Blame it on the heat. Keep cool and sign the guestbook.
Friday, July 22nd 2005 - 08:45:08 AM

Name: Hon. BobbyR
Reporting in from: Fun City
ENTRY: HERE COME DA JUDGE

The next time you see a headshot or a close-up of Supreme Court nominee, D.C. Circuit Judge John Roberts, think about this -- if he wrapped a pretty silk scarf around his neck, combed his hair over his ears and put on some lipstick...he'd look just like Bonnie Franklin on "One Day at a Time." Think about it. Maybe that's why he got the nomination. By the way...did ya reeeeeeally think W would pick a Black, a Hispanic or a woman? Puh-leeeeeeeeze!!!!!!! Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, July 21st 2005 - 08:08:37 AM

Name: Bobborino
Reporting in from: Noo Yawk
ENTRY: SUMMER IN THE CITY

Baby, it was hot yesterday -- hot and humid. How humid? You'd inhale and your nostrils would slam shut. That's how sticky it was. One friend referred me to a temp personnel agency that supplies clerical help. OK..I'd rather play an office worker in an indie movie or on a sitcom, but I need to pay the bills. He told me the person to call at the agency on East 42nd Street. She was expecting my call. She was curt, but polite and said that Jamie could really help me out in her department, so she was going to transfer me. She tried to muffle the mouthpiece and she shouted out to Jamie that she was transferring the call. However, it sounded like she tried to muffle it by putting the receiver in a cappucino machine. She then pushed a couple of buttons...and I was disconnected. That's what happened when I called to set up an appointment to register with a company that supplies clerical help to offices in Manhattan. I had to return DVDs to my video store. On the way back home, I saw a neighborhood gent approaching on 21st Street. This guy is 50something and I've seen him in the area for years. He's very courteous and always well put-together. Think Jack Nicholson when he took Helen Hunt to dinner in AS GOOD AS IT GETS. We've chatted briefly before on the street and I've toyed with the idea of getting his number and asking him out for coffee. I decided to take that step as were approached each other. "I'm miserable in this heat," he said, stopping. I said, "Well...we get a break from the humidity pretty soon. And the weekend is going to be nice." I'd kinda tilted my head to one side. Not like Rosanno Brazzi when he saw Katharine Hepburn in SUMMERTIME. More like Doris Day in PILLOW TALK. He continued with, "That's what I heard. But, with me, it's not the heat and the humidity. It's eczema! It's my friggin' eczema! Look at this arm -- eczema. Look at my other arm -- eczema. Ya know what's on my ass?"

"Eczema?"

"Eczema! I'm on my way now to see my doctor again, that sonofabitch!"

I didn't keep him long..and I didn't ask him out for coffee, considering the skin drama he was having. I came home to a message from another friend with a tip on temp work. His partner, who is also in the entertainment industry, got some part-time gigs thanks to the Actor's Fund Organization here in town. It has a program for perfomers who can't find work in their chosen profession and need help making a transition to some other field that will bring in a paycheck. It increases your chances of getting a part-time job in something with other industry people instead of winding up like Claire in that clerical cube farm on the recent episodes of SIX FEET UNDER. I clicked onto the website, found the exact program my friend told me about and sent a brief email to the *social intake worker* explaining my situation. Two minutes later, I got an automatic out-of-office reply that read "...the social intake worker is out of the office until July 11." Yesterday was July 19th. It went on to include a phone number to another department that I could call and leave a message. Messages at that department are checked *occasionally*. Occasionally? Hmmm.

So..what did all of this teach me on a hot summer's day in New York City? When life gives you lemons...ask the bartender for the whole damn bottle of tequila. Let that be a lesson to you. Have a good day, keep cool, and sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, July 20th 2005 - 07:08:07 AM

Reporting in from: NYorkCity
ENTRY: NUDE SCENES

Well...it's happened again. Another celebrity starred in a private home-made sex tape. Bad boy good actor Colin Farrell sued his ex-Playboy Playmate girlfriend in L.A. yesterday to block her from releasing their 15-minute tape to the public. This will definitely juice up his career and get him a top spot on tonight's entertainment news programs. I rented the Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson video. Oh..my...gawd. That thing was practically a 1-hour special. They took their pleasure craft to a secluded lake for a weekend and kept the camera rolling. Pam showed us Tommy on deck, then he took the camera and showed us "the little man in the boat." It didn't hurt their careers. She got a sitcom on Fox a few months ago. Another Fox Blonde, Paris Hilton, has a popular adult DVD out. I didn't rent it. The photos on the DVD's back cover were enough. Obviously, room service at the Paris Hilton is very good. It didn't hurt her career either. In fact, she went on to another season on Fox during TV's family hour. Remember back in the late 80s when Rob Lowe was caught on tape cavorting with a couple o' naked babes? He became an A-List late night talkshow booking for his apology tour. He got some script offers and now lives in a huge house that Oprah visited on her show.

Think about Colin Farrell's career. He was hotter than hot for a while. And then....Oliver Stone's ALEXANDER. That epic went over like pork tartare. Are we surprised? You take a pale guy from Ireland with no chest fur, dye his hair blond and cast him as a Greek warrior. What the hell was Oliver thinking?!?!?! Two Greek brothers manage my favorite neighborhood diner. They're 20something, olive-skinned and as hairy as Chewbacca. One just returned from a month in Mykonos and he's as dark as I am. Colin needs a little controversy that'll give his publicist something to do. Keep in mind he's now shooting the movie version of MIAMI VICE with Jamie Foxx. Let's see how this Hollywood story plays out. I bet you someone gets a clip of his sex video and leaks it. His naked performance in that 15-minute tape could prove to be more entertaining than ALEXANDER.

You know what they say..."there are no small parts, only small actors." Keep cool. Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, July 19th 2005 - 06:51:43 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: BUSH'S LEAGUE

This Karl Rove controversy is like a bloodhound snapping at the president's rear end. Scroll down to *Karl's Marks* to read my take on it -- and rent the documentary that I recommended. I saw it again last weekend. I didn't hear one journalist bring up any info from the excellent, scary documentary and someone should have. There's a website for it too --- www.bushsbrain.com . That short feature that packs quite a punch.
Monday, July 18th 2005 - 10:19:54 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: JOHNNY DEPP HAS A SWEET OPENING

Are you a Johnny Depp fan? I am. Have been for years.
His new feature, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, was #1 at the box office over the weekend. Probably not just because it's a children's fantasy, but because so many of us grown-ups feel that Johnny Depp is a reason to go the movies. We know what it took the Oscar committee folks too long to figure out -- that's he one of the best actors we have around today.
His EDWARD SCISSORHANDS was poetic and poignant. ED WOOD was inspired. His performance in SLEEPY HOLLOW is an often overlooked comic gem. A lot of critics didn't catch that he was doing a send-up of 1940s Bob Hope in that picture. If you get TCM (Turner Classic Movies), watch Hope's horror comedy GHOST BREAKERS tonight and you'll see what I mean. In BEFORE NIGHT FALLS, Depp was brilliant and wickedly funny as the subversive prison drag queen. That queen did more to advance the work of a struggling writer than Oprah's done in her entire syndicated TV career.

My friend and neighbor Emily took me see CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY early in the afternoon last Friday. The adults in the audience outnumbered the kids. All of us howled with laughter. It was exactly the tonic I needed to take my mind off another week of unsuccessful jobhunting. Here's a movie trivia tip -- if you've seen the monkey opening of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, the cobweb finale of THE FLY (1958) and 1930s Busby Berkeley musical numbers, this new movie will be even funnier to you. I didn't like Tim Burton's remake of PLANET OF THE APES, but I love what he did what WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. I saw that original version when it came out. To me, it lacked the magic and wit of classic Disney features or THE WIZARD OF OZ. Gene Wilder looked like a local TV kiddie show host. Now...when I was a kid in LA, we had cool kiddie shows hosts. There was Sheriff John, Skipper Frank, Engineer Bill and Hobo Kelly. Wilder's "Willy" kind of creeped me out. He looked like a local TV kiddie show host who had some sort of off-camera fetish behavior that would eventually cause the cancellation of his contract. I thought the rest of the cast was forgettable and I thought the music score sucked. I didn't like "The Candy Man" then. I don't like it today. Depp plays Willy like a retired kiddie show host who never quite came to term with his parental issues. Burton's version is so refreshing and so delightfully twisted. The little actor who plays Charlie is perfectly cast. He wins your heart right from the start. He and Johnny Depp worked together before in the drama FINDING NEVERLAND. Depp's "Willy" is worth seeing. The whole thing is just plain fun. Personally, I plan on seeing it again.

Back to the jobhunt. Who knows? A miracle could happen this week. Wish me luck. The same to you.
Monday, July 18th 2005 - 06:12:47 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: Dear Diary,

Saturday evening I took myself out for a bite to eat and I made a noble attempt to flirt with the handsome guy sitting at the diner table next to me. He was alone too. I noticed a paperback novel next to his plate and I said, "How's the book?" He was a dark-featured, hairy dude in jeans and a tank-top. He looked a lot like Burt Reynolds in the 1972 classic DELIVERANCE. Very hot. However, when he spoke, he sounded more Debbie Reynolds in THE UNSINKABLE MOLLY BROWN. Bless his heart. He was very nice. I let him get back to his book. I went back to my chicken salad. Then I went home and watched Barbara Stanwyck in DOUBLE INDEMNITY. If only he could've been as butch as she was. Oh, well. At least I'm getting out there and making a first move. Better luck next time.
Sunday, July 17th 2005 - 09:58:16 AM

Reporting in from: Gotham
ENTRY: ENOUGH ALREADY

Kids, I'd really be surprised if I'm still living here in Manhattan next year. I couldn't get attention in this town if I levitated. I'm now seen five times a week on national television holding up food products and doing voiceovers, but I can't book a single commercial audition and I haven't even had five days of work since last winter. I hope the TOP 5 repeats don't increase in popularity. I can't afford any more national exposure. I need a job. I've long had this "Rocky" quality -- I get knocked down but I keep getting up to go all 15 rounds. This week, I found myself saying "I'm not gettin' up. Why bother? Ryan Seacrest has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Why bother? Bobby Brown has a reality show on Bravo that's so ignorant, it would've made Black people shoot Lincoln. Why bother? Clay Aiken wrote his autobiography. Clay Aiken! He's what....14? Why bother?" This week, I contacted a total of 30 local agents, TV producers and casting directors and 1 clerical temp personnel agency. The only response came from the clerical temp agency. Thank goodness the weekend is here. I'm beat. Besides a job, I'd really like a nice, cute bear of a guy to take me out for a walk and hold my hand in the moonlight -- "the serious moonlight" that David Bowie once sang about. Ya know...if Ryan Seacrest had a website and wrote blogs like mine, he'd have a book deal. Ain't that a trip? Thanks for the attention. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Enjoy the weekend. Be cool. And sign the guestbook.
Thursday, July 14th 2005 - 09:52:09 PM

Reporting in from: Willet Creek
ENTRY: KARL'S MARKS

Our president's top political adviser, Karl Rove, may have leaked the identity of a covert CIA agent to the media in 2003. If he did, that is a serious wrong. Some VIP Democrats are calling for Bush to fire Rove. That ain't gonna happen. George W. Bush would rather one of his daughters sneak away to Vegas and elope with Snoop Dogg than dump the man who put him in The White House. Karl Rove is to President Bush what Paul Winchell was to Knucklehead Smiff. If you want to see a chilling documentary, rent BUSH'S BRAIN. It's all about the mark Karl has made on W's political career. What's really frightening is that we see Democrats and Republicans and the emergence of a separate political underworld that, like Count Dracula, is sucking the lifeblood of liberty out of this great nation. In fact, besides BUSH'S BRAIN...also rent the Frank Capra's classic MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON. If I ran NBC, CBS or ABC, I'd make that 1939 beauty a primetime special. Jimmy Stewart as one young senator putting it all on the line to defend this country against DC crooks who control the media and "cast big shadows." It's just as timely as ever today. Yessir, there's a double feature for you...with love, from me. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, July 13th 2005 - 10:06:39 PM

Reporting in from: Hollywood-on-the-Hudson
ENTRY: THE JOB MARKET

I am STILL jobhunting. Have been all year. This is just too weird for words. I'm now seen on national TV reruns every weekday, hosting and doing voiceovers, but I haven't had a commercial audition since February. In June, I was ready to call it a day and just settle for an office job in some clerical cube farm but a few of you did a Cher and told me to "Snap out of it!" On Monday, I mailed pics and info to dozens of casting directors and agents letting them know the "Top 5" airtimes and the news that I've done small roles on two episodes of "The Sopranos."

A wonderful buddy lives down my block. When I was doing local news and Food Network shows, he'd leave early in the morning to be a background actor (an extra). A few evenings a week, he does restaurant work. We're in the same age and financial category. Just a couple o' middle-aged guys trying to get by in showbiz. He's been getting auditions this year. In fact, he's had more auditions this month than I had in the whole year I was repped by ICM. And he's not signed with anybody. Yesterday, great news for him. He booked his first speaking role. In a major motion picture. Opposite Richard Gere and Alfred Molina. He deserves that luck. I am so thrilled for Will, however I am once again getting that creepy feeling that I should've learned how to drive a forklift instead of majoring in Broadcast Arts with a minor in English Lit. After hearing from Will, I ran into another neighborhood buddy. He's a classical pianist whose cousin just booked a screenwriting job in L.A. One of Cary Grant's best comedy performances was in a 1940s movie called MR. BLANDINGS BUILDS HIS DREAM HOUSE. It's being updated. The cousin is rewriting the Cary Grant role for....rapper Ice Cube. Oh, baby, I can hear that forklift revving up right now.

Thanks for your support. Tell your friends and local TV columnists about my blogs. If you hear of any job leads in your town, tell ME. Oh..one more thing...for you fellow New Yorkers. Mayor Bloomberg has been on the local news every day lately talking about funds for our mass transit security. Wasn't I right? Doesn't he sound a little like Corky the director in WAITING FOR GUFFMAN? I can just see our mayor sulking in a bubble bath. That's all for now. Have a good day. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, July 13th 2005 - 06:44:53 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: BUSH TALK

Just wondering. On Monday, Pres. Bush said that last week's London bombings were "...an attack on the civilized world" and proof of the need for an aggressive war on terror. Did he say that after 200 were killed in the Madrid bombings or doesn't he consider a Spanish-speaking country to be civilized too? Just wondering. Carry on, London. Our prayers are with you. Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, July 12th 2005 - 12:40:58 PM

Reporting in from: Downtown
ENTRY: "Alright, Mr. DeMille. I'm ready for my close-up."

Billy Wilder's SUNSET BOULEVARD is one of my all-time favorite classic films. It's a work of art. Andrew Lloyd Weber did a musical version. It wasn't a work of art. Glenn Close, who played Norma Desmond in the Broadway version, will star in a movie version of Weber's musical. Gee...that'll have 'em running to the malls. There are only about 10 old queens in this whole country who'd pay to see that and five of them are probably having dinner with Liza Minnelli tonight. Glenn, you rocked on THE SHIELD. Go back to that excellent cop show on cable. Remember...Andrew Lloyd Weber is the man responsible for CATS.
Monday, July 11th 2005 - 07:28:33 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: NEWZ + NOTES

Let's start Monday with a Shameless Plug. I'm featured on the homepage of this classy, professional site:
www.OutoftheCloset.TV. Go into the *news* section and scroll down to July 8th. Not only did I get a very flattering write-up, you can click on to see my 2:30 demo reel that includes me getting up close and personal with Tom Hanks, Madonna and Angelina Jolie. Yes...I had a career before holding up Twinkies on TOP 5. So cool to be recognized on a website in my Southern California hometown!

Here in Manhattan, I got some serious streetbuzz from my gal pal, Lorelei from Little Rock. There could be a major scandal involving some shady casting directors and payola. We pray it ain't so because that could be High Drama for the Screen Actors Guild. If one of the several entertainment shows on TV that I applied to had hired me, I'd be checking that story out. In the "There's No Such Thing As Bad Publicity" Dept., I heard on the radio this morning that Kobe Bryant will once again be doing ads for Nike. According to one of my sources, his new slogan will be "Nike shoes -- they help you run faster...and jump bail." Just kidding.

The Write Stuff: A few of you fab folks have sent me messages telling me that I should write a book. Well, I'd been writing some essays and sending them out here in NYC. Got no response. Last year, I sent a batch to my now ex-agent. She didn't read them and she never logged onto my blogs. That's why she's my ex-agent. However, my blogs did win the attention of two literary agents. One is the rep of Augusten Burroughs, who gave us "Running With Scissors." Both gents read my blogs and the pieces I mailed to them. After our meetings, I was told that I cannot get published unless I write a novel. Memoirs aren't selling. I know...I know..I know. I brought up David Sedaris with his hit memoirs. The Burroughs book is being made into a movie starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Annette Bening and Vanessa Redgrave. The Jon Stewart mock-history textbook "America" is a big seller.
They both said that the memoir market is over-saturated. I asked, "How many memoirs are there from funny African-American, Catholic, gay men who've had a national talkshow, shared an office with Rosie O'Donnell, been kissed on camera by Matt Lauer, cared for a terminally-ill white Southern Baptist partner, and are currently seen weekdays on Food Network?" The answer was still that, if I hope to get published, the book has to be a novel. So there. Back to the jobhunt. Wish me luck. The same to you. Sign the guestbook.
Monday, July 11th 2005 - 10:46:03 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SUNDAY IN NEW YORK

It's shaping up to be a comfortable summer's day. I'll be going out, if only to take a walk and count my blessings at being able to go out and take a walk. I had to catch a subway train yesterday. If there is added security, it sure wasn't in our carriage. There was some loud guy selling copies of his new hip hop CD which, he announced, "..does not degrade women." If a cop was present, that guy wouldn't have been trying to hit us all up for $4.00 a disc.

Last Monday, our mayor's main subway concern was planning to prohibit riders from drinking coffee en route and walking between cars. By Friday, he and the governor had held a press conference on live local TV news to assure us that mass transit is being protected from terrorist attacks like in London. Once again, we saw officers with assault weapons on patrol, plus bomb-sniffing dogs. When the British news broke on Thursday, the most brilliant and accurate coverage came from the BBC America cable channel and the BBC News websites. Our major American networks took some time getting up to speed. Instead of monitoring each other for breaking news, as they do, they should have been paying attention to BBC America. On Friday, you couldn't swing a dead cat on a subway train without hitting a local New York City news reporter sticking a microphone in your face and asking if you were afraid to take the train. Every single channel did it. I saw the same commuter give soundbites on two different channels. Talking heads came out by the dozens to bobble on the airwaves. We didn't see all that steroidal coverage and security after the Madrid bombings, which killed 200. Why? I have a theory on that. The Madrid tragedy happened in March. March is not a TV ratings month. The London tragedy happened last Thursday. July IS a television ratings month. There you have it. About all the local street reporters getting subway soundbites -- it was a bit much after a while. As a viewer, I'd like to see some of the anchors who make movie star salaries like Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, Brian Williams, Wolf Blitzer and Paula Zahn to head for a midtown subway station, purchase fare and make a round-trip from Manhattan to Brooklyn...like millions of us do and have done. Instead of asking a lesser-paid journalist how the crowd feels, get out there and become one of the crowd yourself. You get a totally different attitude and viewpoint when you do that sort of thing vs being driven in a towncar, limo or cab. Just my opinion.

There was good news out of Scotland last week. World leaders at the G8 agreed to increase Africa's financial aid package to $50 billion. The only thing that could possibly cause them to change their minds and revoke that package would be if they caught any episode of "Being Bobby Brown" on Bravo. Again...just my opinion. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Let's hope for a peaceful Monday.

Sunday, July 10th 2005 - 09:29:42 AM

Reporting in from: NewYorkCity
ENTRY: IN A HOMETOWN SPOTLIGHT

How did I *out* myself with Angelina Jolie? How did I stump Madonna with a sex question? Why did I have a pic of Tom Hanks in drag? If you want to see what I did before TOP 5, you can! Just click onto this classy entertainment industry website:
www.OutoftheCloset.tv
I'm featured on the front page of this smart, informative, gay & straight-friendly site that you can actually log onto at work without being embarrassed. One of its reporters, Ted Trent, contacted me with an invitation to send a demo tape that could be added. (I gave him the news that I've been jobhunting all this year.) The 2:30 tape and some press materials were mailed back in May. This morning, I got an email notifying me that, not only was my video added, it's the lead story. Honestly, a tear appeared when I saw it.

It's more attention than I expected to get, it's the kind of attention that I don't get here in New York City, and it came from a company in my hometown...Los Angeles.
Please check it out. If you like it, shoot a quick email to Ted Trent. He put a lot of work into it, obviously, and I'm sure he'd appreciate the attention. I'm honored, touched, flattered, surprised and very grateful that my hard work has been noticed and validated. Isn't that something we all hope for?
www.OutoftheCloset.tv
Saturday, July 9th 2005 - 08:37:36 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: TGIF

What a week! Within minutes, the life of Londoners went from sheer glee at getting the Olympics for 2012 to suffering its worst attacks since the blitzes of World War 2. That fact was mentioned several times yesterday during the network coverage of the tragedy. It occurred to me that hundreds of American 20somethings probably didn't even know that London was bombed during that war. I'm taking acting classes during the week with many students in that age group. Sitting in the studio hallway, waiting for a classroom to be available, I've heard one young actor ask "Who's Billy Graham?"...another had never heard of the movie CASABLANCA...and, in one class when about a dozen of us present had been asked by the teacher how many have seen THE SOPRANOS, I was one of two students who raised his hand. That's why I think the London blitz fact was fresh news for some of America's youth. Unfortunately, it took the UK tragedy for folks here in the USA to beef up and refocus on our own security. Just about all of our local news shows and the networks questioned the safety of our transit system. Personally, I think the network morning shows should've been doing that of journalism months ago instead of staging weddings, beauty makeovers and giving whole half-hours to Mariah Carey and the Runaway Bride. It took those terrible bombings to get our news focused on our protection -- and to get CNN to go for ten minutes without talking about that blonde who's been missing in Aruba. Whatta week.

Personally, not much of a ripple for me on the job front.
I'm getting recognized a lot more now that TOP 5 is being repeated five times a week. But, as you know, the show was canned last year and I don't one red cent for repeats. This week, I did get contacted by a clerical temp agency that's interested in meeting with me. Not a beep from the NYC showbiz community. However, a good buddy got a gig! My friend John in New Jersey, one of my Top 5 Gr8 Str8 D8s of All-Time, heard "You're hired!" after having endured a long, long dry spell. Bravo, John!

In the "Just Say No To Drugs" category, today's NY Times entertainment section has a 2-page ad for WAR OF THE WORLDS (how eerie -- evil aliens strike from underground, just like this week's top news story). In the ad, NBC's Gene Shalit says, "This is Tom Cruise's finest performance." Gene...step away from the crackpipe! OK..I wouldn't put Tom in the same league with Sean Penn, Johnny Depp or Denzel Washington, but he was a helluva lot better in BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY, JERRY MAGUIRE and MAGNOLIA. In the 2-page ad, there's not a single mention of little Dakota Fanning, whose rivetting performance is the soul of that movie. What I wrote in my WAR OF THE WORLDS review blog has a lot of what I would've said on TV if I was a network morning film critic like Gene Shalit. By the way, he gets over $1 million for what he does. Right now, I'd be happy to get minimum wage. I need a good laugh this weekend. I think I'm gonna rent NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE. Big hugz. Be careful. Sign the guestbook.

Friday, July 8th 2005 - 10:22:00 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: GOD BLESS LONDON

Great Britain has my prayers and my outrage over the bombing. I watched BBC America coverage from early this morning until this evening. I don't think the same can be said of our local news programs here in New York City. Can't some writer or producer log onto BBC websites or watch BBC news for updated info? Our city officials responded to the UK tragedy by stepping up security in Manhattan. I must admit, it sure is a relief to see cops on foot patrol again. Also, the city was very quiet and serious. Grown-ups weren't acting like unruly high schoolers who sit at the popular table in the cafeteria. The sight of New Yorkers blabbing on cellphones and crossing the street when the light is red, totally clueless to oncoming traffic had become a standard sight that crystallized that we are not paying attention. We'd returned to lax behavior over the last couple of years. We citizens pay more attention to "American Idol" than we've been paying to our American security. In one newscast, a local security expert said that today's overseas tragedy was "...a wake-up call to Great Britain." Perhaps he didn't see the swift, massive and expert response of the British emergency medical teams and police force. London was prepared. Prime Minister Blair feared this would happen and had prepared. I think it was more of a wake-up call to NYC today. We must be aware. Have a good night. Thanks for your attention.
Thursday, July 7th 2005 - 06:02:40 PM

Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: July 7th, 2005

God Bless London. Keep that city in your prayers today.
If you get BBC America on cable and want to see excellent broadcast news, give it a look. Also, go into my links for BBC websites. In these times, it's vital that we get a world view -- we need to pay attention to other cultures and societies and we need to realize how they see us.
Thursday, July 7th 2005 - 08:14:46 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: THE BIG SOUR APPLE

After weeks and weeks of intense campaigning by our mayor, it was announced early this morning that New York City will not be hosting the 2012 Olympics. Let's think about this -- first of all, we don't really have a major stadium here in the city for an international outdoor event. Second, later this year Mayor Bloomberg will put an ordinance into effect banning people from drinking coffee on subway trains. If you think the French don't like us now, can you just picture the venom if they got tickets for sipping Starbucks on a train to Harlem to see some synchronized hairweaving? To me, Mayor Bloomberg sounds a little like Corky St. Clair in WAITING FOR GUFFMAN when he gets irritated at City Hall press conferences. He must be having a big ol' hissyfit today because of the elimination. I can see him doing a Corky on the International Olympic Committee for picking London instead of New York City -- "You're bastard people!" "...I hate you and I hate your ass face!" "You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go home and bite my pillow!"

Here's an idea -- all that money officials would've spent maybe building a New York City stadium and doing other prep for the Olympics? Why not spend it on our educational system? Give our teachers a little bump up on the paychecks, or get the kids some current textbooks or make sure school security systems are up to date. Just another one of my wacky ideas. Have a good day. Sign the guestbook. Rent WAITING FOR GUFFMAN, if you've never seen it. That's one brilliant comedy.
Wednesday, July 6th 2005 - 07:42:36 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: WHILE IT'S UP

www.TomCruiseIsNuts.com
How many times do you think Matt Lauer has logged on and had a good laugh over this one? Check it out before Cruise's people do a smackdown on the site.
Tuesday, July 5th 2005 - 02:58:27 PM

Reporting in from: Chelsea
ENTRY: July 3rd
Dear Diary,

Early this morning, I went to Crunch gym to workout. After 30 focused minutes of cardio on a treadmill, I hit the leg press. Walking over to do chest weights, a young guy who'd stopped me to chat two weeks ago stopped me to chat again. He's a tall, handsome Asian dude -- built like a brick pagoda. The first time we talked, he complimented me on my Food Network show. This morning, he said "I really love seeing your work." There was a twinkle in his eyes. My hormones started spinning like they were in one of those giant teacups at DisneyLand and shouting "It's a holiday! Wheee!!! It's a holiday! Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!" We're going for a ride!!!!!"

Then he said, "Is your show still on at night?" I answered, "Nope. It just went to weekdays last week. It's on Monday through Friday at 11 in the morning."

"In the morning?"

"Yep. 'Top 5' got moved to the mornings."

Then...it happened. The twinkle in his eyes turned into great big question marks." "What's 'Top 5'?"

"That's the name of my show."

He put his gloved hand to his mouth and gasped, "Ohmygod....I thought you were Al Roker."

The giant teacups came to a sudden, screeching halt. My hormones were hurled out and hit the Main Street of Dreams -- bruised, broken, bloodied and crying for help. This is further proof that I need to get out of show business and learn how to drive a forklift.
Sunday, July 3rd 2005 - 11:46:28 AM

Name: BobbyR
Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THE BIG BANG

Happy 4th of July! I love that holiday -- have ever since I was kid back in California. It's the fireworks. They never disappoint, especially here in New York City. In January, I gave myself six months to turn my career and lovelife around. Well...I'm still jobhunting and still dateless after all my efforts. I'm gonna enjoy this holiday weekend and, come Tuesday, start applying for *civilian* jobs. When "Top 5" was on once a weeknight, I was getting a paycheck. Now that it's been kicked up to five times a week during the day, I ain't making a dime. I can't afford any more national exposure. I'll have to settle for desk job and like it. No single TV station in this town is interested in me. About the lovelife, it's like a cardgame, I guess. Sometimes ya gotta know when to fold 'em. I cancelled all six online personal ads and I'm counting on my cool hetero buddies to be my Gr8 Str8 D8s. When you call a Straight Buddy in NYC and say, "How'z 'bout going out some beer, barbecue and cornbread?", they show up. They don't give you gay male drama about not eating carbs or not wanting to have a relationship blah-blah-blah. In the meantime, I'm taking my solo self out to enjoy this holiday and see some fireworks. I need some illumination in my life right about now. How about you? Sign the guestbook.
Sunday, July 3rd 2005 - 08:25:27 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THE SONG IS ENDED...

...but the melody lingers on. We'll miss you, Luther Vandross. What wonderful things you did with the gift heaven gave you during your all-too-brief time here on earth.
Friday, July 1st 2005 - 09:08:48 PM

Reporting in from: Chelsea/NYC
ENTRY: HOW STELLA GOT HER GROOVE WRONG

Big thanks to that wonderful wizard of webmasters, my totally cool Eric McCool, who hipped me to the news before I had to read it in Jet magazine or hear it from LaKeisha who works down the block at the Weave Only Just Begun beauty shop. Terry McMillan, the Serious Black Woman who wrote the hit novels "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" and "Waiting to Exhale" is hitting the courts to have an ex-husband. "Stella" was based on her Caribbean vacation romance that evolved into a marriage. McMillan's world was rocked recently when she discovered that her Jamaican hubby likes to Ja-make-it with other men. Personally, I give it up to any sistah who can get her novels published and get them adapted into hit movies like she did. That takes perseverance and work. However, I have long had a problem with her sterotypical and angry depictions of gay Black men. Either we're big queens burning hair with a hotcomb in a salon or we're no-account bruthas who date women but have some man-action on the side (in the early 90s, we Blacks & Latinos started calling that "on the down-low." Mainstream America just learned about the DL last year, thanks to Oprah.) In Terry's books that I read, there was no responsible, dependable, kind, funny, supportive, masculine Black man who happened to be gay and had a full-time job. I kind of feel like Lady Miss Karma has whacked Terry McMillan upside the head with a spiritual skillet. If you read some of what she communicated reportedly to her estranged mate, it's very ironic and very mean. See for yourself. Go into my *links* section and click onto thesmokinggun. When you get to the gun, click onto the icon for "Featured Document" and read the drama. Ahhhh, sooky sooky now! As the great French writer, Balzac, once said in the 1800s..."Well, there goes another novel. Pass the cheese, Fifi."

Have a great holiday weekend. Sign the guestbook. Tell your local TV columnists about my blogs. They're better than Rosie O'Donnell's.
Friday, July 1st 2005 - 07:16:41 AM

Name: VH1 Vet, BobbyR
Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: No Go on Logo

Some of you totally cool folks who frequently read my blogs were kind enough to write about me to the new Logo cable channel, a channel from MTV Networks targeted for a gay & lesbian audience. You know that I worked for MTV Networks back in the late 80s when I had a show on VH1 where I did some pretty funny gay-friendly humor, if I say so m'self. Not too many of us Black guys were doing that kind of humor back then on national TV while hosting shows. I raised the stakes on that kind of comedy and got more open in the
gigs I had on Fox in the 90s and on LifetimeTV in 2000.

I've sent resumés and demo tapes to Logo execs that I know since early this year. Unfortunately, I never got one single response. In the Logo rundown, the channel will have a show called "The Guts to Play Gay." It will salute straight actors for being brave enough to play gay characters -- actors such as Glenn Close, Kate Winslet, Matthew Broderick and Ving Rhames.

Gee...maybe if told execs at Logo and at GLAAD that I'm really straight, maybe then they'd give me a little attention. Dang! If Katie Holmes wasn't already engaged, I could ask her out to dinner and a movie. Oh, well. Ob La Di..Ob La Da...life goes on.
Thursday, June 30th 2005 - 12:13:01 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Dear Diary,

Yesterday afternoon, while walking down Hudson Street, I passed actor Matthew Broderick. He was about an arm's length away from me. Broderick looked like he was ready to start shooting a new movie -- one called "Ferris Bueller's Day Off Weight Watchers." Damn! That Sarah Jessica Parker must be a whiz in the kitchen! I was on my way to the gym and he made me feel better about myself. Life can be beautiful. Don't you think? Or don't you? Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, June 30th 2005 - 06:58:04 AM

Reporting in from: AlienNation
ENTRY: WAR OF THE WORLDS

One of the dynamics of classic sci-fi movies that I dig the most is the significance of children vs an adult lack of humility. In the world of the sci-fi thriller, adults (usually parents) are forced to regard kids as being more than amusement pieces. We see that inequality begins at home -- grown-ups have the attitude that they are more aware and alert and smarter just because they are taller, older and control the money. They can behave badly. Youngsters can't. The worlds of children and adults clash. Children hold clues to survival. Adults are forced to listen, to follow their lead, to really act like adults. How many times, especially in the 50s, was the kid the first one to sense that something strange was upon us or to have survived something horrible? Think of Bobby in one of my all-time favorites, THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL. The little girl who survived the giant killer ants in THEM! Davey who sees INVADERS FROM MARS. Jump from the 50s to the 70s and think of little Barry in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND. In the 80s, we had the sweet kids who loved and protected ET...and don't forget the tiny but tough "Newt" in ALIENS.

Dakota Fanning's Rachel in Spielberg's WAR OF THE WORLDS joins that list. There are times when I couldn't pick which was more stunning -- the special effects or her performance. She is remarkable. It's no surprise that Spielberg gets a memorable acting job from a child. Kids, to him, are what blondes were to Hitchcock. As a director, he keys right in to their mystery, power, duality and vulnerability. I bet he didn't have to give a lot of direction to Dakota. She's just got the gift. If you saw her in I AM SAM with Sean Penn and MAN ON FIRE with Denzel Washington, you know what I mean. Her Rachel is a lovable, quirky, working class kid. The world would not be a bright place without her. Yet alien forces want her destroyed just because of what she is and where she lives -- a human on the Planet Earth. Dakota Fanning carries the picture.

This is why Tom Cruise has pissed me off. He's been pulling all of the attention for this movie ever since he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch like he was a hyper Jack Russell terrier. Ever since then, I found myself wishing that he was a Jack Russell terrier and that I could feed him a chocolate bar so he'd keel over and shut the f**k up. He may know the history of psychiatry, but he sure doesn't know anything written by Stanislavski or Uta Hagen. The media should've given more airtime than it did to Spielberg, a master filmmaker, and Miss Fanning.

WAR OF THE WORLDS is not a classic like ET and CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, but it's worth seeing. And it's very unnerving. The 1953 movie version of the story took place in Southern California. Today, the evil aliens are relocated to New Jersey, where they were in the historic Orson Welles radio play of the late 1930s. The relentless, graphic and awesome destruction in the new WAR OF THE WORLDS bring back memories of Sept 11th. The director gives us the uneasy feeling that we slipped back to the ways of self-absorption and taking each other for granted that we exercised up to Sept 10th. For those of us who were here in NYC on the morning of the attacks, many sequences made us squirm. JAWS was fun-scary. This is unsettling-scary, like moments of SCHINDLER'S LIST. Spielberg takes our contemporary angst and puts it within the structure of a 1950s sci-fi thriller format, which explains the ending. In sci-fi flicks of that era, you got a certain kind of ending. And you didn't always get the best acting. Which probably explains the casting of Tom Cruise. He really doesn't have to act. He's a movie star and an action hero. He plays the divorced jerk of a dad. The sudden horrors force him to become a better father. I must admit that I did love seeing him get so angry when his child is threatened that he did a smackdown on one alien like it was Matt Lauer asking about the benefits of Ritalin.

That's all for now. What are some of your favorite sci-fi classics? Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, June 29th 2005 - 09:08:14 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: NOISE IN DAKOTA

I attended the WAR OF THE WORLDS preview last night at Manhattan's groovy Ziegfeld theater. Airport security should only be as thorough as the security was at the screening. The metal detector beeped as I passed through because of my belt buckle. The security man waved the wand over my midriff, detected that it was the buckle -- and then he inspected the buckle up close as if it was a hidden spy camera. I wanted to say, "Yo! BruthaMan, I ain't James Bond or the Man from U.N.C.L.E. This is just a cheap-ass belt buckle on a cheap-ass belt from Macy's basement." All that drama just to see a Tom Cruise movie. That's America today. I'll review it later. I mainly wanted to see it because Spielberg is the director and it co-stars little Dakota Fanning. I think she's one of the best child actors to come along in years. in I AM SAM, she and Sean Penn were so honest, touching and real in their acting choices. I wish they'd been reteamed for this one. To me, she steals WAR OF THE WORLDS away from Tom. And she has to endure some high drama for just about the entire picture. I hadn't heard a kid scream that much since opening night at Neverland Ranch. I've got my acting class tonight. I only hope I'll be as good as Dakota Fanning. Be cool...and sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, June 28th 2005 - 10:42:45 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: MUST-SEE TV

Today, Oprah repeated one of her funniest and most memorable segments of this year. Nervously, with someone holding her hand, she got her ears pierced on her show in front of the studio audience. Television is a very, very competitive business. So, for the July ratings period, my sources tell me that CNN has arranged for primetime talkshow host Larry King to get a Prince Albert on his program. His special guests that night will also include Mickey Rooney, Jackie Collins and Al Roker. Set your TiVo...and don't forget to sign the guestbook.
Monday, June 27th 2005 - 04:41:42 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: I LOVE A PARADE

There are few tribes as complex, clueless, forceful, disenfranchised and dear as gay men of New York. Examples?

I took my first voyage into the world of online dating attempts in 1999. What was my biggest surprise? Racial exclusion in a group demanding diversity from America. On several sites, like the popular Edwina.com, I was shocked to see how many white men in their 40s, old enough to know the significance of the civil rights movement, excluded black men from their dating preferences. However, many of us black men marked "race unimportant" when adding our preferences. By the way, why isn't their a black member on "Queer Eye" and why do young gay men in this city know more about Carson Kressley than they do about Harvey Milk?

Our community seemed to have fallen into a deep political slumber sometime around the premiere of "Will & Grace." The tough, passionate, necessary rage of ACT-UP was all but a whimper. You would've thought that the AIDS crisis had ended. The new gays were all about clubs, ecstasy, fashion, fashion, fashion and celebrities. "ACT-UP! Fight AIDS!" shouted on city streets was replaced by "Who did your dress?" shouted on red carpets. In the intense days of the health crisis, we were cohesive. Young bodybuilders embraced middle-aged chubby dudes, bears embraced twinks, healthy men embraced the dying, all races and ages embraced each other. Why? We had to. Especially during the Reagan years, we knew that there was a large political body that would not have shed one tear had we all been eradicated from the face of this great nation. Then, as time and medical advances progressed, we regressed to basing a Manhattan man's sole worth on physical beauty, social fabulousness, wardrobe and weekly income.

Then came the Gay Marriage Controversy. The Bush Era bitchslapped us all awake again. The same white guys who wouldn't date black men dropped their Prada catalogues, picked up picket signs and headed to City Hall to march for civil rights. I know someone who did. Al, a publicist I met in the 90s, gave a soundbite to a local news station. I haven't spoken to him in years but, back when I was working in local news a lot, I frequently took Al and his boyfriend out to Sunday brunch. Al and I went to the same gym. He used to come over to my apartment. He and the sweet boyfriend moved in together. Then...high drama. Al met someone else. Someone hot. He started having an affair. He asked me for advice. I had none. Personally, I liked the boyfriend and didn't want to get involved in the months of deception that eventually broke up their relationship. When I saw him on TV demanding marital equality, I thought "Well...I guess he wants the right to possibly fuck up a marriage as much as a straight man can." Someone else I knew in the 90s is Jonathan Capehart, a celebrated former NY Daily News writer, black and openly gay, who became Mike Bloomberg's top policy adviser when he campaigned for mayor of New York City. The post elevated Jonathan to High Fab in Gay Manhattan. I'm sure this is no secret because I surely wasn't the only person invited -- around 1993, I attended his boyfriend's wedding. His boyfriend was an illegal alien from Europe. To make him legal, Capehart arranged for him to marry a female network news producer. All of the guests would confirm that it was a lovely, if odd, service and she was a lovely bride. That's what one man did to keep the love of his life in America. Imagine how he must've felt when, after all that and helping to get Bloomberg elected, the mayor sides with the court decision against gay marriage. He must've felt like Oprah at the Hermes store in Paris.

See what I mean? As for me... professionally, I've applied to LOGO, the new gay channel, several times for work over the last two months and haven't received one single response. Personally, I'm not seeing anyone. I've tried. I was once rejected for not being physically *hot* like LL "Cool" J. And the guy who rejected me was a gay Christian. So, with all of that, coupled with this weekend's heat and humidity, why am I going to the Gay Pride Parade on Fifth Avenue Sunday? To say a prayer...a prayer of thanks for all those men who helped me in my career, who helped me become a better man, and died of AIDS -- like my late partner, Richard. To say a prayer for good men gunned down in political office like Harvey Milk...young men crucified like Matthew Shepard...to say a prayer of thanks and remembrance for writer James Baldwin..for Bayard Rustin, the power behind Martin Luther King Jr..
for Larry Kramer, our John the Baptist...for Superbowl champ Dave Kopay, who came out decades before it was fashionable and sacrificed a great income to challenge stereotypes...to say prayers of thanks for my radiant sister, Betsy, and my sensational friend Janet Gurwitz back in Milwaukee who has lit up my life for a long time the way Anne Bancroft lit up the life of Mel Brooks...for Jeff in Milwaukee, Dominic in San Francisco...Mike & Greg down the hall..Will down the block...so many other great guys here in Gotham. And to say a prayer of thanks for the Great Straights -- like Mary & Cal in Jacksonville Beach, Florida who prove that some of the most extraordinary people you can ever meet in life are ordinary people in a small town. And John in New Jersey..and Bronx native Officer Ray Seda of the 10th Precinct here in Chelsea, a terrific neighborhood cop. A couple of years ago, on the street, he said to me "You're a good man. You been alone too long. I know you'll always miss Richard but ya gotta be brave enough to get out there. That's how I met my wife. Ya gotta get there." For me, fortunately, the Gratitude Prayer List is long. Very long.

Family can drive you nuts and, lord knows, my gay family drives me nuts at times. But I'll be out there for a while in the heat and humidity cheering and applauding...and praying...before the parade passes by. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Sign the guestbook.
Saturday, June 25th 2005 - 07:24:43 PM

Reporting in from: FoodTown
ENTRY: MR. 5 x 5

It looks as though TOP 5 will get more exposure, even though the show's last day of on-camera production was June 22nd last year. According to what I've seen in local TV listings, TOP 5 will air Monday-Friday at 11am et/pt starting this coming Monday. That's here in the States. I don't know if it goes to five times a week in Canada too. This is just too surreal for words. I'll be getting more national exposure but I'm still looking for work. Ob La Di, Ob La Da....life goes on. Have a good weekend...and sign the guestbook.
Friday, June 24th 2005 - 01:18:56 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: OUR LADY OF VODKA CHURCH

Remember Charlotte Church, the cherub-faced classically trained soprano? She cut a CD in 1998 called "Voice of an Angel" and, a couple of years later, she got major spotlight from Oprah. The Welsh prodigy had an exquisite voice that got lots of attention here in New York City from local FM rock radio DJs. Come 2002, she was under the radar here in the USA. But, in the UK, she's rich and pretty and a big star with a new CD coming out.

She's left her romance of the high C's for some lowdown rock & roll. Not only that, she's drinking like Elizabeth Taylor in WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF? That made British network news. To read about it, go to www.itv.com/news and click onto *entertainment*. Scroll down to "Clubbing Thirsty Work for Charlotte." On a typical night out, and she goes out a lot, she starts off with 10 shots of vodka followed by a bottle of champagne. By the way, Charlotte just turned 19. Well...ya know what they say..."the children are our future."

I hear that Michael Cunningham, the novelist who wrote THE HOURS, is doing an original screenplay for Julia Roberts. My buddy James Gavin, the writer who wowed critics with his biography of jazzman/junkie Chet Baker back in the 90s, has finished the first draft of a bio on the legendary Lena Horne. Janet Jackson hoped to play the icon onscreen, but her hopes were dashed. Jim and I talked over dinner about the research he did. Oh, baby, I think Hollywood will option Lena's bio if it gets published -- and it should. Years ago, Leonardo DiCaprio was hot to play Chet Baker when Jim's last book came out. Unfortunately, the project never made it to the big screen. Personally, I think Hollywood should take another look at his Chet Baker bio and make a serious pitch to Johnny Depp. I own so many Baker CDs. In his prime, the musician/singer was beautiful until he got hooked on heroin. He's featured in a documentary called LET'S GET LOST. Rent that and tell me if you agree that Depp should do him.

Recently, I had a late breakfast at one of my favorite neighborhood diners. It wasn't crowded and I happened to be a few seats down from an Oscar-nominated actor, currently starring in the revival of a Broadway hit. He and his dining companion chatted about Tom Cruise's new love. The companion described Katie Holmes as "...very ambitious." Hey, ain't we all in showbiz? Did anyone else notice that, on Monday when news anchors reported on the weekend box office, "Good Morning America" and "Today" called BATMAN BEGINS a Katie Holmes movie and never mentioned Christian Bale, the guy who actually plays the Caped Crusader? Hmmmmmmm....

Today Oprah repeats the show with Tom Cruise jumping up and down on the furniture and talking about his interracial family. He's so manic on that show that, if I was one of his kids, I'd have put a paper bag over my head like Sylvester the Cat, Jr in the classic Warner Bros. cartoons. But that's just me. Enjoy your Thursday. Sign the guestbook. (Aren't your surprised no one's scooped me up for an entertainment column? I think my writing is pretty darn festive.)
Thursday, June 23rd 2005 - 09:39:23 AM

Reporting in from: Hollywood-on-the-Hudson
ENTRY: CLASS ACTS

Since March, I have been taking acting classes at a very reputable studio in midtown Manhattan. The assignments are some of the hardest work I've ever loved. I've wanted to take acting classes for a long, long time. However, I'm the oldest of three children who grew up in a single working parent household. After our parents divorced, our father became a deadbeat dad (eventually moving to Canada) and Mom became so erratic with money that you would've thought she'd graduated from the Lucy Ricardo School of Financial Planning. This is why, in my early 20s, I was paying my little brother's parochial high school tuition while working three jobs to help Mom with the bills. In my 30s, four months after I arrived in New York City to take my first job here, I had to take out a major bank loan. Why? She'd moved to a new house, relocating to the Midwest from Southern California. However, she quit her job which meant eventually she didn't have money to send in for the monthly mortgage payment. I assumed her mortgage because she'd gotten a foreclosure notice. I had to put my long-dreamed of acting classes on the backburner because I'd just arrived in New York, I had my first apartment in Brooklyn and I needed a roommate to help me with the rent because I was also paying on a house in Milwaukee that really wasn't mine. This is my life. Well... her 20 year mortage has been paid off and I've stopped sending her spending money (she's never subscribed to cable to watch me work on TV and now she's not speaking to me because I'm *showtune-friendly*). I spent some of my cash on myself and enrolled in an acting school to help me revive my career. Sometimes, I'm the oldest guy in the room. In my first month, I felt like our classes resembled MTV's "Spring Break" meets "Cocoon." I soon got over that. One of the many fascinating things about the classes is that I'm watching the next wave of young actors -- the performers we may be paying to see on the big screen or TiVo tomorrow. Last night, we took a break during class and I listened to the New School talk about what and who they're watching. Here goes:
MTV reality shows, home and fashion makeover shows, Oprah give-away shows, "Will & Grace," and Lindsay Lohan. In my dramatic scene, I had to play a lawyer. I'd watched the brilliant work of Paul Newman and James Mason in THE VERDICT. However, I also overheard those kids talking about their recent movie and stage auditions and I haven't had an audition since last winter. At that very moment, I felt like Meryl Streep's middle-aged actress character in POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE when she's dressed as a cop, trying to detect where her career is going, and hanging from a fake high-rise window ledge. But...ya know what? I still love this profession that I've chosen for myself. And no one ever said that it was gonna be easy. By the way, today is Meryl Streep's birthday. She's 56. And, baby, she still kicks major ass as an actress. Let the kids have Lindsay Lohan. I'll take La Diva Streep any day.
Can I get an "Amen" on that? Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, June 22nd 2005 - 08:35:11 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: YOUNG MAN SQUIRTS IN FACE OF TOM CRUISE

I haven't seen the footage yet on the news. A fake reporter doing red carpet interviews in London had a device that squirted water in Tom Cruise's face while he was attending the WAR OF THE WORLDS premiere in Great Britain. The prankster was a member of a camera crew quartet out to pull gags on celebs and non-celebs for a new comedy reality show in the UK. Mr. Cruise was not laughing. Reportedly, he towelled the fluid shot by the young man off his face, called him "..a jerk," and held him until security arrived.

On Thursday, Oprah repeats the movie icon's now-famous appearance during which he hyperactively professed his love for Katie Holmes. If you haven't seen it, you must. It's a top pop culture TV moment of 2005. Jack Russell terriers have been whacked with rolled up newspapers for acting the way Tom Cruise did on a good couch. I received an invite to attend a press screening for WAR OF THE WORLDS early next week. I can take a guest. However, since I recently cancelled two online personal ads because they ran for a year with very few responses, I'm going solo and liking it. I hope the remake is good. The rules of entry included in the invite are so strict, they're just one step away from a cavity search. Hell, that could be the closest thing I've had to a good date since the fall of 2003! The original movie version of the sci-fi thriller had the evil outer space invaders meeting their doom with the power of prayer in the West Coast. 1950s folks ran to a church in Los Angeles, called to the Lord in a time of crisis and that turned the nasty Martians into roadkill. I wonder if Spielberg will keep that ending in our current Conservative Christian times? Or maybe a young alien in Southern California will meet his doom after he squirts in the face of Tom Cruise. Personally, I can't wait to see it. Can you? Sign the guestbook.
Monday, June 20th 2005 - 02:53:33 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: THANKS, GMHC

June 20th, eleven years ago, was the hardest day of my life and of the sweet woman who hugged me so many times that day in Mt. Sinai hospital. I hate goodbyes. But that afternoon, I had to sit by my partner's bedside, take his hand in mine for the last time, lean forward to his ear and whisper, "It's alright to let go, honey. It's alright. You've had enough pain. You go to that heaven you so richly deserve." I was with him the day before. So were his wonderful grandparents and his divorced-yet-still-close parents. That sweet woman, his mother, always spoke of his dad with more warmth and friendliness that my mother spoke of my father when they were married. My partner's family, white Southern Baptists up from Tennessee, were gentle people from a smalltown whose world was changed when one of their own was diagnosed with AIDS in New York City. We did become a chosen family. They accepted me more than my corporate Catholic church did.

We'd each talked and spent individual time with Richard the day before. He was alert and chatty and aware of his condition, aware to make the most of his gift of time and speech. He treated those talks as treasures. Very late that night, he slipped into a coma. After I said goodbye to him in the afternoon and kissed him, I left the room so his mother could be with him. She was with him at the beginning, she was with him at the end. As she did when he was born, she gently held her only child when he died at age 25. He was over ten years younger than I, yet he was the turning point of my life. He gave it clarity and a spiritual purpose. I vowed to keep him from being alone and scared to the best of my ability during his illness. I'd never want to see another good mother endure the heartbreak that his did. I write this because the crisis is not over. Last night I was lucky enough to be invited to a lovely event for the dedicated people who continue to be warriors in the fights against AIDS. They are the people of New York City's GMHC (Gay Men's Health Crisis). The event was a Twilight Toast at the Armani store in Soho.

Let's go back to the early 90s. That was not a time of "Queer Eye," "Will & Grace" and a gay man being the first winning "Survivor." For as sophisticated as Manhattan is, some of the attitudes were kind of Medieval. Reagan ignored AIDS as hundreds of thousands died from it. If you attended a swanky cocktail event in New York City, you could practically clear out the room if you were a gay man and you sneezed -- even if you were as healthy as a Kentucky Derby winner. Some educated, upscale folks considered every gay man to be a potential weapon of mass destruction. I worked at a TV station where a person with AIDS could not do the news interview he showed up to do. No crewmember would clip a microphone onto the lapel of his sportscoat. That's how contagious they thought AIDS was. That story, by the way, made the local papers. Local news did not step up to the plate to educate the public back then.

Richard asked me out on a date when I'd just started working on a new show called "Weekend Today in New York" on WNBC. Mine was a part-time job and I was making the minimum wage of a staff newsperson working without a contract. I'd been a victim of the Reagan recession and really needed the work after VH1. It wasn't a happy experience because, instead of being the entertainment reporter I was invited to be, I was switched to be the "funny" liveshot guy. In news, that puts you in the same category of as a children's birthday party clown. Racially, I was offended because I'd had my own national talkshow on VH1 just a couple of years before. It got me national press, an award nomination and appearances on CBS talkshows. I was beyond shopping mall liveshots and I was at odds with management. Richard had a job and a roommate on the upper East Side. He'd never been tested for HIV. Being a young man in a smalltown in the 80s, the attitude was "it can't happen here." I was older and had lost friends. I'd been tested and I was being safe. Three months after we started dating, bad luck hit him. First, he got laid off from work due to cutbacks. Then, what he thought was a flu he'd caught when he went home for Thanksgiving was something more serious. A few days before Christmas, I had to get him to the hospital. A week after Christmas, he'd been diagnosed with full-blown AIDS. Pneumonia and, later, lymphoma. His roommate, also gay and employed by a very upscale boutique, kicked him out of the apartment due to the diagnosis. That ended their friendship. That's when GMHC came into our world. I needed help in how to help my guy. With GMHC's counseling, we became stronger. Richard got his own place for a year until he moved into my studio apartment. Emotional therapy, financial assistance, medical advice, diet & exercize -- GMHC workers had tips on all those things. Also, fellow newsroom workers had told me secretly not to let management know about my personal life. They felt that management might find a way to no longer need my services. It was like being in severe pain and being told not to scream. I got emotional counseling. Caring for someone with a terminal illness is not easy. You can lose yourself. I was dealing with all the physical, emotional and financial effects of his illness and then expected to go to be funny on live local TV. But I needed that part-time wage to take care of Richard and to take care of myself. God bless the GMHC for guidance.

If Richard was alive today, current medical advances might have given us more than the nearly two years we had together. Maybe local news would be more liberal in its attitude and would allow me to utilize my experience to produce informative features. Who knows? Our president says he's committed to the AIDS crisis. When's the last time you saw a commercial for condoms on primetime TV? They're produced, you know. You can see them on MTV and on Spanish television. But they're not on ABC, CBS, or NBC. Why not? Why isn't news covering the state of the crisis today in America? I lost two friends this year. We act as though it's over here in the USA. It's not. GMHC knows that and it's still in there fighting.

I've been out work for year. I've not been anyone's romantic interest in a decade. I took the R train to last night's event with my spirit feeling beat down. The Twilight Toast snapped me out of it. I left thinking that maybe I could give up showbiz, get a clerical job and do some volunteer work for the cause. We'll see. It was very cool meeting Phil Donahue (who recognized me from TV) and Darren Star, the man who gave us "Sex and the City" and Cynthia Nixon from that show. Oh! I met a really handsome, smart, friendly, sexy guy at the event. I've been out of the loop for so long that I come off like a classic Woody Allen character when I try to make smalltalk and flirt. I actually said to him "So...do you miss Cincinnati?"

And I wonder why I'm not dating. Oy. Enjoy your weekend. Thanks for reading this. Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, June 16th 2005 - 08:04:52 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: TOM CRUISE IS A HOLMES-O-SEXUAL 2

From Berlin today comes news of Tom Cruise during his European appearance at the premiere of his new sci-fi movie, WAR OF THE WORLDS. Reportedly, he laughed off rumors that his relationship with Katie Holmes is just a publicity stunt. Cruise claims that he really loves her. I'm sure he does. Just like I love Cher, Liza, Bette Midler and Barbra Streisand.
Tuesday, June 14th 2005 - 02:10:40 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THE JACKSON VERDICT

Michael Jackson has just been found not guilty on all counts of child molestation. Right now, a network cable news channel is showing Jackson's black SUV on the freeway rushing the entertainer and his relatives home. In June 1994, network news channels were showing another black entertainment icon, OJ Simpson, flee in a white Bronco on a Los Angeles freeway with police in hot pursuit following the murders of Nicole Simpson and a male acquaintance. The Simpson case enabled some reporters and legal analysts to increase their incomes and to attain star power. It launched the career of Star Jones, for one. She was doing legal work in Brooklyn. She clicked with TV execs while analyzing events in the Simpson trial. Today, she's a talkshow/TV commercial diva. It'll be interesting to see what legal analysts become network news reporters and what local news reporters go network now.

About Michael Jackson, I did not think he was guilty of child molestation. That's not to say I don't think there's something strange and creepy about him and, if I had kids, I wouldn't let them spend the night at his house without me and my attorney present. But I didn't feel that he was guilty of those particular charges as the case went on and I read the news reports. I think a real crime was committed by parents, his and the accuser's. When a parent or parents manipulate, disrespect and exploit a child's wants and needs in order to satisfy their own dreams of income and social status, that is a crime. To me. And it doesn't matter if that child is 10 or 20. If I was God, I'd create an 11th commandment: "Honor Thy Children." Maybe if it was written down, more adults in this Christian nation would actually do it. What do you think? Sign the guestbook.
Monday, June 13th 2005 - 05:43:12 PM

Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: ON THE WATERFRONT

Your last chance to see a repeat of my TOP 5 hour-long summer special is today, Sunday, at 4:00 et/pt. Here's a true story of what happened while we were taping at the beach: the TV business is bursting at the seams with 20something production assistants who get booted up to becoming producer/writers because they're available when someone leaves for a better job. They may not be the right people for the job, but they're around. I had a young lady from Texas assigned to work on my special as a producer. I think she attended a Christian school, bless her heart. The director was a sensational dude who is credited for creating the look of the old Cindy Crawford "House of Style" show on MTV. I was taping the segment that comes out of a feature on soft-shell crabs. So, we're on the beach doing a complicated shoot because direct sunlight isn't often good for a camera shot. Not only was it sunny, but the camera was several yards away while people are enjoying a day at the beach. I had to memorize the copy because the sunlight was glaring right on the teleprompter. Crewmembers had to walk in the sand carrying heavy TV equipment. We rehearsed the movements and then, when we got a good angle for the light, the director yells "Roll it!" Beforehand, I'd asked what the final footage of the feature was and the production assistant-now-producer said that it was a shot of the soft-shell seafood. So, I began my take saying, "I love crabs and those should be tops on your summer vacation plans when..." I didn't get to finish talking because she yelled "Cut!" Why? She didn't want me to say "I love crabs." WHY? Because viewers might think I was referring to a sexually-transmitted body lice. I kid you not. The entire crew -- director, camera team, audio team -- looked at her like she'd just landed from the Planet Krypton. I wanted to drop kick her bony ass into the Atlantic Ocean and pray she'd be sharkbait. I replied, "Why....why would I say that I love a sexually-transmitted body lice? What kind of sense does THAT make?" The director, very much a diplomat, said that we could shoot it again because his focus was off...which it wasn't. I shot it again and did not say that I like crabs...coming out of piece featuring crabs. By the way, she's still working and, last week, I filed for unemployment.

TOP 5 closed shop on June 22nd last year. I've been jobhunting since then. Off-camera, the last date that I had was in the fall of 2003. A wonderful Asian-American guy on vacation from Northern California (and built like a brick pagoda), took me out to dinner. What went to a barbecue joint and had some great food with some great conversation. The last time I was held through the night was by another tourist -- a Mormon in town on business from Salt Lake City in the summer of '97. Yes, a Mormon. The last time any of my friends here in New York tossed me a birthday party was in 1989. I love this city -- but I think it's a one-sided love affair. It's like the line Woody Allen's character says in ANNIE HALL: "A relationship is like a shark. It's got to keep moving or it dies. What we've got on our hands is a dead shark." Starting tomorrow, I cast my net outside of the New York area. Wish me luck. The same to you. And thanks for signing the guestbook. Especially Paul.
Sunday, June 12th 2005 - 11:51:52 AM

Reporting in from: Coney Island
ENTRY: SON OF A BEACH

Damn! Food Network is non-union cable. That means I won't get any residuals for my 1-hour summer special that airs this whole weekend. Oh, well. Maybe the facetime will inspire someone to call me in for an audition. You can see my TOP 5 summer special tonight (Friday) at 10:00 et/pt, Saturday at 5:00 et/pt and Sunday at 4:00 et/pt. Pardon me while I brag, but I've dropped a few pounds since I shot that show. Since March, I've been taking acting classes and hitting Crunch gym so I can be ready if some casting director should say, "Hey! Ya know who might be perfect for the part of the wisecracking uncle?" I don't know if anyone recalls this, but early in 2001, NBC was highly promoting its new sitcom. It was called "Emeril." Yep. A bunch of network execs got big money for thinking that a TV cook who shouts "Bam!" could handle his own sitcom. That thing went over like Liver McNuggets. Emeril's a good man and I asked him about that experience once. He was glad the show got cancelled. Also, he didn't realize that comedy is hard work. I've written it before and I'll write it again -- only in New York can a guy be Black, Catholic, gay, host a show that airs weekly on a popular network and still be obscure in the local broadcast community. Isn't that a sitcom? Can't you just smell the laughter? It could also incorporate some of my weird online dates into the storyline -- like the night I had dinner with an alcoholic magician who was in rehab. I'm not making this up. Basically, he was a nice guy, but I did have to say "Look. If you take one more nickle out of my nose, I'm gonna hurt you. Enough with the magic tricks. Let's just eat."

On June 10th, Judy Garland was born. As far as I'm concerned, it's a national holiday. The late TV host, Jack Paar, was a great influence on me. One night he told his audience of when he ran into Judy when times were tough for her. She was having legal and financial woes. When he asked her how she was holding up, she replied that she'd learned one major thing in life -- "Behind every cloud...is another damn cloud." The audience broke up laughing. I've felt like Judy many times this year of unemployment. And then there are times like this week when I read the guestbook. Your warm words give me the gumption to get back out there and try again. If Emeril could get a sitcom, if Cedric the Entertainer can botch up the brilliance of Ralph Kramden on "The Honeymooners," if Ryan Seacrest can get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, I should be able to book a bit part on a soap opera. Many thanks to all of you for your support -- especially the most terrific woman in the Twin Cities turf, my sister. The original Ralph Kramden said it best: "Baby, you're the greatest!" Thanks, Betsy.

Don't forget to watch repeats of me at the beach eating foods that repeated on me during the ride back home. Tell your friends and local reporters about my blog. And have them sign the guestbook. Enjoy your weekend.
Friday, June 10th 2005 - 07:57:32 AM

Reporting in from: TV Land
ENTRY: MUST-SEE TV

Tonight at 8:00, CBS premieres a new reality gameshow called "The Cut." Clothing designer Tommy Hilfiger is the host who gives assignments to 16 contestants. The style hopefuls will live together in Manhattan and each will compete to win the chance to design a collection under the Hilfiger label.

I'm pitching to produce a similar project for another network in which Oscar de la Renta will oversee Latino talent competing for fashion designer fame. I'm calling my show "The Uncut." Whaddaya think? Wish me luck. The same to you. And thanks for signing the guestbook.
Thursday, June 9th 2005 - 10:08:15 AM

Reporting in from: The Theatre District
ENTRY: THAT'S A BROADWAY MELODY

I watched the Tony Awards last night on CBS. I had to. I'm gay. It's the law. Is it just me or does the Tony Awards telecast now seem like the official kick-off to Gay Pride Month the same way that the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade kicks off the Christmas season? The Tonys don't seem to attract that rabid journalistic attention to clothing designers that Hollywood award shows get. We didn't hear any "Who did your dress?" And we should have. Names should've been taken and apologies should've been made. When a few of those stage actresses walked out, I thought to myself "Wow. Since when did Stevie Wonder start working in fabrics?" On the other hand, my favorite Tony moment was the entrance by "Sweet Charity" star Christina Applegate. Now THAT'S comedy. I'm sure it'll be played on the syndicated entertainment news shows tonight. Look for it.

Today's Monday and my jobhunt continues. It's not easy but I have to use the advice one Broadway veteran, Ginger Rogers, sang to another Broadway veteran, Fred Astaire in their classic movie, SWING TIME: "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again." For all your support from deep in the heart of Texas to across the Canadian border, I send you big hugs from the Big Apple. Thanks for making me smile and thanks for signing the guestbook.
Monday, June 6th 2005 - 06:43:37 AM

Reporting in from: The Lost World
ENTRY: APOCALYPSE NOW

This weekend on A&E, cable's arts and entertainment network, we will be able to see a special 2-hour edition of BIOGRAPHY. Who's the famous person in the spotlight? Pamela Anderson. Yep, the "Baywatch" babe who was married to rocker Tommy Lee and, this year, got her own sitcom on Fox called "Stacked." That Pamela Anderson. She gets a 2-hour presentation on BIOGRAPHY.

Albert Einstein, President John F. Kennedy, Fidel Castro, playwright Tennessee Williams, the Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Katharine Hepburn got one hour each when they were spotlighted on the same show. Frankly, I'm concerned. Have a good weekend. Make me feel famous and sign the guestbook.
Friday, June 3rd 2005 - 01:34:54 PM

Name: (D) BobbyR
Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: BUSH LIKES COX

President Bush has selected California Rep. Christopher Cox to become Chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission. Not that I really care about that news, but it sure as hell gave me a great excuse to write that headline. Enjoy your day. Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, June 2nd 2005 - 09:13:25 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: KITCHEN HELP

After all my years in broadcasting, the power of a single TV image and the difficulty of changing images in the minds of people in power never cease to amaze me. It's June now. This coming Friday, June 4th, marks the one year anniversary of when I got the phone call from a Food Network VP with the unfortunate news that "Top 5" was not being renewed for another cycle. Even though repeats of the show still air once a week, I started looking for a new job a year ago this month.

Yesterday was the last day of work for the longtime anchor of the Fox 5 local morning news show I worked on for five years. Some of us *graduates* were asked to make guest surprise appearances for his goodbye program. Executives and producers I hadn't seen since 1999 congratulated me on how well I'm doing. It was rather comical. No one asked how work is going for me. With the Food Network repeats and repeats of segments I did for our local PBS station, I was greeted with the assumption "Things must be going great! I see you on TV all the time!" In reality, I'm applying for unemployment this week -- the first time I've done that since 1991. A former co-worker who saw me cover entertainment from 1995-1999 actually pitched an idea for a food show to me, as if I'd become a cooking expert like Emeril. Keep in mind, all that happened within the walls of a business built to keep the public informed, aware and thinking. I didn't keep my non-work status a secret. Quietly, I did tell a few producers and do some networking while I was there. I have to now that I've bid adieu to ICM. My agent is a sweet and lovely woman, however this is business. I've been jobhunting for one year and taking acting classes to strengthen and sharpen my talents. In that year, she's gotten me only three auditions. That's not good for my business. I had to make a change. Here's a question for you that came to me yesterday when I revisited Fox 5 TV -- with all the modes of faster communication we have today ...from the computer to the cell phone to extra cable channels talking to us 'round the clock....do you feel that people are really paying attention more than they did ten years ago? Think about it. And sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, June 1st 2005 - 08:08:00 AM

Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: OSCAR-WINNER SUITS ME TO A TEA

What a week! If you scroll a couple of entries down, you'll see one entitled "O-MITTED?" I wanted to know if Oscar-winner Whoopi Goldberg had been invited to the sensational Legends Ball thrown by fellow Oscar-nominee from THE COLOR PURPLE, Oprah Winfrey. Whoopi has won an Oscar®, a Tony, an Emmy and a Grammy. I didn't see her in any of the Legends Ball footage...but I did see Janet Jackson, Alicia Keyes and Dionne Warwick.

You never know who's paying attention and who isn't. My ICM agent never got around to reading any of my blogs this year...BUT WHOOPI GOLDBERG PAID ATTENTION TO MY "O-MITTED?" BLOG!!!!!!! Tom Leonardis, the president of her production company logged on, read it, alerted The Whoopster, and contacted me with a request for my address. The legendary Ms. Goldberg sent me a big box of gourmet chocolate-flavored teas from a boutique shop here in New York City with a thank you note. My jaw dropped down to my toenails when I got that delivery. It proved that whether you're a job-seeking working class guy like I or an award-winning showbiz icon like she is, we're all in need of little appreciation and attention for hard work well done. Thank you, Whoopi Goldberg, so very much.

If you get HBO, another Oscar-winning legend heads the cast of a solid tele-movie that premieres Saturday.
For my notes on EMPIRE FALLS, based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning book of the same name, scroll down to my entry, "OL' BLUE EYES IS BACK." Those sparkling baby blues belong to Paul Newman. Damn, that cat is cool!!!

This is Memorial Day weekend. My late father served in World War II. He fought for democracy and freedom in the segregated American troops. Today, there's a new war being fought overseas for democracy by totally integrated American troops, integrated racially and sexually. Having a kind thought and saying a prayer for our folks in uniform, past and present, would be a very civilized thing to do. Keep that in mind. I'll also be praying for an end to war. Enjoy your weekend...and sign the guestbook.
Friday, May 27th 2005 - 05:26:39 PM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: TOM CRUISE -- BOTTOMS UP!

Cheers, Tom. Here's to you for finding a new sweetheart. Did you see him on with Oprah this week? Didn't you just want to shout "Yo, Top Gun! Switch to decaf!"? He was bubbly, bouncy and boyishly proclaiming his love for actress Katie Holmes. For decades, he's been such a private movie star. Nowadays, he's appearing everywhere with Katie. She walked on near the end of his hour with Oprah. I think they're scheduled to show up at the Kleinman Bar Mitzvah this weekend in Sherman Oaks, California.

How do I feel about his "Oprah" appearance? It was the stuff that "Saturday Night Live" sketches are made of. He wouldn't stop jumping up and down and giggling. He never did answer her direct question, "How did you two meet?" Instead, he'd break out laughing and then talk about something else. I still think it was either Match.com or they met at Blockbuster one night when he was renting BATTLEFIELD EARTH.

Tom and Katie have no problem with PDA's -- Public Displays of Affection. They're a great photo op and they got thunderous applause from Oprah's hyper audience. Personally, all that smooching makes me squirm and I don't know why. When I see Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes kissing, I get that same strange feeling I had in a movie theater back in '92 seeing Jodie Foster have sex with Richard Gere in SOMMERSBY. I felt like saying "Look....I know you two talented actors are totally committed in this love scene, but it's kinda creeping me out. Like if I caught my mother using a crackpipe." It just seems wrong, but that's just me. Let's move on and wish those two crazy kids a fine romance -- and great box office for the big-budget movies that they both have coming out this summer. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, May 25th 2005 - 11:06:08 AM

Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: O-MITTED?

I admit it, I am addicted to Oprah. Love me some O! It's a very important show in that she makes a point of introducing us to cultures, voices and parts of the world that we've been unaware of -- cultures, voices and parts of the world that have been ignored or omitted from some network media's A-List of Significance. Like the problems of poverty, AIDS and genocide in Africa and Muslim women in the Middle East being punished for daring to read. Yes, to read. Oprah had a Legends Ball in Santa Barbara this month and the highlights will be shown on Tuesday's program. It looks beyond sensational. She invited 25 of her personal heroes -- African-American women who've contributed to arts, entertainment and civil rights. Present were Maya Angelou, Tina Turner, Halle Berry, Della Reese, Nancy Wilson, Missy Elliott, Ashanti, Kimora Lee with husband Russell Simmons, Ashanti and Mariah Carey to name a few.

OK....is it just me or is 2-time Oscar nominee and co-star from THE COLOR PURPLE Whoopi Goldberg not on the list? I haven't read her name in any of the press and I didn't see her in any of the TV promos. Was she there? Was she unable to attend? Was she omitted?

I believe Whoopi may be the only Black woman to have more than one Oscar® nomination to her credit. She was nominated for THE COLOR PURPLE. When she won for Best Supporting Actress in GHOST, she became the first Black woman to get the Oscar in 50 years. Later, she was the first Black woman to host the Academy Awards all by herself. Onscreen, she played the wife of slain 1960s civil rights activist Medgar Evers in GHOSTS OF MISSISSIPPI. On TV, she was the first African-American to produce a successful revival of a classic gameshow, "The Hollywood Squares", and also to appear on it as a regular. On Broadway, last year she had a 20th anniversary revival of the hit one-woman show she did, directed by Mike Nichols. Once again, I didn't see Whoopi Goldberg in any of the promos, but I did see Mariah Carey.

GLITTER....THE COLOR PURPLE....GLITTER......THE COLOR PURPLE. Hmmmmmmm.

Personally, Oprah AND Whoopi have helped open doors for Black performers like me and I appreciate them both. I wish they'd look at my resumé and hook a brutha up with an audition. I haven't had any work in months and I might have to start opening doors in a uniform to pay the rent. Hey, that's showbiz. Enjoy your weekend. Sign the guestbook.
Saturday, May 21st 2005 - 09:34:13 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: TO CHRISTINA: "SCREEN SEEN" ANSWER

Yes, Christina, you are indeed correct. Tom Cruise was seen onscreen shouting "I love black people!" However, some of us wish the same could be said of Vicente Fox, the President of Mexico. In a speech last week, El Presidente reportedly said that Mexican immigrants here in the U.S. will take jobs that "not even blacks" will do. Personally, I'm stunned that a major political figure would say something like that in public. In my experience, that kind of ignorant comment has usually been uttered behind closed doors -- by TV news executives here in New York City. Tom Cruise shouted that line in the excellent romantic comedy JERRY MAGUIRE. He's going to be a guest on the Oprah Winfrey show next week. Monday, I believe. Chosen audience members and, possibly, some viewers will be allowed to ask the movie superstar one question they've always wanted to ask. Unfortunately, my lawyer tells me that I can't print the one question I've always wanted Tom Cruise to answer. Damn! It was a good one too. I'm sure you've heard that Tom is now dating former DAWSON'S CREEK actress, Katie Holmes. She's a young virgin and he's a sterile middle-aged man. Well, there you have it -- another happy ending from Match.Com.

Take care of yourself, Christina, and thanks for signing the guestbook. Adios!
Thursday, May 19th 2005 - 10:45:17 AM

Name: Sweet BobbyR
Reporting in from: FunkyTown
ENTRY: SCREEN SEEN: THE TOP 5 CHOICES

During on-camera time that included the line "Show me the money," which one of the following individuals was seen shouting "I love black people!"?

1. Leonardo DiCaprio
2. Gary Coleman
3. Tom Cruise
4. Paris Hilton
5. Vicente Fox, the President of Mexico

To submit your answer, just sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, May 17th 2005 - 08:44:41 AM

Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: SHE'S NO PLAIN JANE

My wonderful friend Mary down in Florida once asked me a great question about when I was a high schooler and dreamed of taking acting classes. "What were the seminal performances for you given by actresses?" One was and is definitely the role of Bree, the call girl being hunted by a killer in the movie KLUTE. If you've never seen that 1971 Oscar-winning performance, you should. Today's young actresses should study it. Jane Fonda had been one of my favorite movie stars because you could count on her for fluffy, amusing sex comedies like TALL STORY, ANY WEDNESDAY, SUNDAY IN NEW YORK or CAT BALLOU. She was a hot babe. Then there could be some silly sci-fi adventure like BARBARELLA. In KLUTE, she really confirmed that she was a serious, skilled actress. I remember being so affected by her work, sitting by myself in Inglewood's Academy Theater on a Saturday afternoon. In the scenes with her shrink, she didn't even seem like she was acting. She brought out the character's toughness, vulnerability, her compassion, fear and self-delusion. With KLUTE, THEY SHOOT HORSES DON'T THEY?, COMING HOME, THE CHINA SYNDROME and Fonda's awesome turn in a TV adaptation of A DOLL'S HOUSE, she became just as much an acting legend as her dad, Henry Fonda. But her politics often eclipsed her work. Not her feminism, but her controversial anti-Viet Nam war protests. She was one of those Hollywood stars who got involved with the social/financial plight of Black people like myself living in South Central L.A. We were acutely aware of an ecomonic apartheid, if you will, here in America. Life in the Watts area of Los Angeles was not easy. But you could get a good education there, even if you didn't have access to the financial aid that kids in upscale white neighborhoods did. I got a good education in Watts and I went away to college. One day, Jane Fonda came to that college -- Marquette University in Milwaukee -- to speak. She was married to Tom Hayden at the time. I was thrilled. I was a contributor to the student paper. Not just thrilled to see one of my favorite actresses in person, but thrilled that I might meet and get a statement from her for the paper at a small reception in her honor before her appearance. I was surprised that, at the reception, she chatted with the university high rollers and paid no attention to little guys like me even though she'd been speaking up for little guys like me to the press for years. At the reception, she seemed very much like...well, like a movie star used to special treatment. She and Hayden spoke very passionately about liberal politics. She was just as surprised as I'd been at the reception when some of the questions were rather conservative from an audience full of students. Reagan, who'd been my boyhood governor, was now running for president for the first time. Jane asked, "If the election was held tomorrow...just wondering...how many of you would vote for Ronald Reagan." The applause was thunderous. Her face fell like a lead balloon. In my broadcast career, I interviewed her when she promoted films in the 80s. There was always something very cold and detached about her. Something not quite at ease. And, although she was an ardent self-promoter of her films, new workout books or whatever...the woman who was so incendiary in performance was kinda boring in person. She took herself way too seriously. When I worked for Lifetime TV in 2000, Fonda made an apperance for an anniversary screening of 9 TO 5 here in Chelsea. I was assigned to do red carpet. I was hoping she wouldn't be there, because she's such a heavy piece of furniture to talk to. Plus I'd seen her do something rude in non-national red carpet-type situations. If she didn't feel like answering a question (and it could've been a respectable, polite question), she'd just walk away. Jane was there. I asked her if she'd be making a comeback. At the time, she answered "No." She was still married to Ted Turner. I thought to myself, "Girrl, you got some money. Can't you get hooked up with a good moisturizer?" That face looked stressed. Up close, she had lines you could plant winter wheat in. I wondered if she was happy. I didn't ask. Instead, I started to ask about the old Jane Fonda WorkOut Club franchise...and she walked away. In mid-question, she walked away. What I did I do? In front of other reporters, I shouted after her, "Oh, no you didn't, Barbarella!" I think they kept that in when the piece aired on Lifetime. I went inside to talk to Lily Tomlin and later, off-camera, Fonda did make nice with me and give me an autograph. She autographed a photo I'd brought along, one taken of me in front of the Beverly Hills Jane Fonda WorkOut Club. Before it closed. In interviews promoting her current best-selling autobiography, she looks better and she's very honest. I want to read the book. Her comeback comedy, MONSTER-IN-LAW, did well at the box office. I'm sure she's getting other scripts now. She was on HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" a couple of weeks ago. He asked her if it's true she once painted her front door to look like a vagina. The audience broke out laughing. She semi-smiled and enthusiastically explained that, while appearing in a production of THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES, her feminism had recharged and she decided to re-do her front door, which had an oval design. She gave it a new coat of paint --pink paint -- and later realized that it did indeed look rather sexual, adding that she must've been subconciously motivated by the play she was doing. With Groucho Marx quickness, Maher replied, "So what's the back door look like?" The audience and I howled. Jane just looked straight ahead like she was posing for Mount Rushmore. It's good to have her on the big screen again and I'm glad her book is doing well, but Jane Fonda's gotta lighten up or else she's be that emotionally cold and uptight character she continues to say that her dad was. "So what's the back door look like?" Now THAT'S funny. Sign the guestbook.
Monday, May 16th 2005 - 10:20:37 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: IF I'M LUCKY

Today is Friday the 13th, so I thought I'd update you on my career luck. At the beginning of this year, I gave myself six months to turn my career around. "Top 5" was unexpectedly dropkicked from the Food Network production schedule last June. I've been jobhunting ever since. I'm taking acting classes at TVI Studios here in Manhattan. It's some of the hardest work I've ever loved. Being that most of my classmates are about 23, I've become a mini-middle-aged legend on my block for daring to enroll in classes to become to better performer in an industry known for its relentless obsession with youth and slimness. My six months are almost up. How's my luck been? I try to avoid the sneaky feeling that if Jesus Christ came back to earth and took over as my broadcast agent, He'd say "Look, pal, I keep sending out your demo tape but it's like casting pearls before swine. Satan is making executives worship false idols. Carson Daly has a talkshow. Ryan Seacrest got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Paris Hilton signed with a major agency. If that's not the work of Beelzebub, I don't know what is. I'm trying hard to get you a new job here in New York but, honestly, I think I'd have an easier time turning some tap water into a really good Chardonnay. Let's see what Monday brings. In the meantime, get some rest over the weekend. And have a Good Friday."

Sometimes keeping the faith is the biggest challenge of all. Still, it's a challenge I've got to accept. Wish me luck. The same to you. Sign the guestbook.
Friday, May 13th 2005 - 09:29:03 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: OL' BLUE EYES IS BACK

I'm a happy guy. I saw Paul Newman in person with his totally cool wife and acting partner, Joanne Woodward. A friend invited me to be her date at the premiere party for HBO's adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize-winning book, "Empire Falls." I never read the book but the movie, produced by and starring Newman, is so damn good it makes me want to run out and buy a copy. The screening was held at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Lots of high rollers from the TV industry. Mainly executive branch but some on-camera types too. I got to shake hands and chat ever-so-briefly with the now bone-thin Bryant Gumble. Ever since he took his second trip down the altar, he's been on a strict diet. In the old NBC days, seeing that man stride in dapper attire past a greenroom snack table, pick up a donut and devour it on the way to his seat on the "Today" set while a crewmember gave him a 1-minute countdown was poetry in motion. I also met his lovely new wife. He always did have a hankerin' for blondes, bless his heart. There was a party with excellent food after the premiere. My date and I walked in right behind Philip Seymour Hoffman who stars in the feature and gives, as usual, a solid performance. At the bar, we stood next to famous playwright Neil Simon and his umpteenth new wife.

EMPIRE FALLS is the name of a small town full of working class residents and rich folks who have known their share of heartache through years and years of economic highs and lows. The film also shows that the past is a hard chain to shake loose. It really does shackle you as you try to walk up a ladder of life, a ladder of years. At some point, you must confront it to set your spirit free. You feel the grip of family, religion and social class in this drama. Those are powerful forces One main town figure is seen as passive. We see that his personality is the way it is because it's been shaped for decades by those very forces. And he's not as passive as they might think when we see his past. Most of the castmembers were present, which is unsual for a preview party. So, they must've loved doing EMPIRE FALLS. We applauded Aidan Quinn, Robin Wright Penn, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Estelle Parsons, Helen Hunt, Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman. If you get HBO and you like Helen Hunt, catch this when it airs. She does her best screen work since AS GOOD AS IT GETS. Hers is a tough role. She plays the ex-wife to Ed Harris' character. The woman is still bitter at the divorce even though she's engaged to a goofy new dude. Her bitterness is rooted in romantic disappointment, which Hunt accurately conveys. If a lesser actress had done the role, the ex-wife could've come off as just a loud bitch. Woodward is so fabulous and flinty as a cold millionairness spiritually decayed by her own power that she makes you pissed that the power boys who run the entertainment business can't come up with juicy acting roles for women over 65. And she looks great. Then there's Paul Newman. Some of the greatest childhood times I had with my family back home in LA were sitting in the back seat of a Plymouth at the drive-in seeing a Paul Newman movie. My parents didn't agree on a lot, but they agreed that a Paul Newman movie was reason enough to go to the drive-in. When I was a teen-ager, I went to see him play COOL HAND LUKE, Butch Cassidy or anyone else over and over again. When I started my career as a film critic, I felt and still feel that he should've gotten the Oscar for THE VERDICT. Newman plays Ed Harrris' dad in EMPIRE FALLS. The audience gave him a standing ovation and, baby, he deserved it. Nearly 80, he seemed to be having more fun and made more vivid acting choices than some current actors over half his age. In his first close-up, we applauded the mischievous twinkle in his clear blue eyes. That's charisma. That's brilliant acting. That's HBO. That's all folks. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, May 11th 2005 - 07:23:47 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: I WOKE UP, IT WAS A CHELSEA MORNING....

...And the first thing that I knew, I'd thrown on a light jacket and some gym shorts to hit the Starbucks two blocks away for a 7:30 cup o' coffee. I ran into a guy I've seen here in the neighborhood over the last seven or so years. We've chatted on the street a few times. He's always with a different gorgeous girl standing on line to see a movie or coming out a Chelsea restaurant. You know that sitcom "The King of Queens"? He's built like Kevin James -- a real New York bear of a dude. He used to watch me on VH1 when he was in high school. Yep, time has flown since the late 80s. At Starbucks, we talked about TV, music, sports and stuff. He said, "Years ago, when I saw you around town, I thought you might be a little snobby." I said, "I'm not really. I'm just kinda shy." He came back with, "Yeah, that's what I realized the first time we talked." Then he leaned forward, lowered his voice and said, "Excuse me if this is too personal, but are you gay?" Well, I didn't lie. I expected his face to crack and him to bring our conversation to an abrupt close. Instead he smiled and replied, "Cool. I always thought you were sexy. Can I call you?" He said something after that, but I missed it because all I heard in my head was the MGM Orchestra playing the theme to GONE WITH THE WIND followed by "The Trolley Song" from Judy Garland's MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS. If he calls, fine. I thrilled just with the fact that somebody really attractive unexpectedly called me "sexy." Not "cute and funny" but "sexy"! I was stunned. I had the same expression on my face that you usually find on Patrick's in the SpongeBob SquarePants cartoons. Life can be beautiful. I don't even think Starbucks makes the best java here in Chelsea, but ...let me tell ya...that was the best cup o' coffee I've had in months. Nothing fancy. Just hot, black and full-bodied. Sign the guestbook.
Monday, May 9th 2005 - 09:44:26 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: "A boy's best friend is his mother."

Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates in PSYCHO (1960)

In that classic, director Alfred Hitchcock raised the stakes of the horror movie. Also, he brilliantly manipulated the audience's expectations as deeply as we discover that Mrs. Bates had psychologically manipulated her little boy, Norman. I have this theory on the grown Norman. I think the old lady in the house and in the fruit cellar is how he aged his mother in his demented mind. I think the sexy liar Marian is killed in the shower because she resembles the mother in looks and behavior, which ignites all his complex, dark emotions hidden beneath a "nice guy" exterior. We learn near the end of the movie that the widowed mother had been having a torrid affair with a married man in her bedroom directly across the hall from young Norman's room. Her room looked like it belonged in a bordello. Why would a married man have an affair with a wrinkled old lady? Mrs. Bates was young when she died. Listen to the dialogue. Hitchcock's voyeuristic look at the effects of maternal love deserves a second viewing. It's richer than you think.

Since the early 80s alone, I have paid off my mother's midwest moving expenses, landed her a job offer from superstar Lena Horne to be her travelling companion for US & overseas tour dates of her hit Broadway concert show (a job that Mom turned down for some never-explained reason), I spent nearly 20 years paying off her mortgage (she got a foreclosure notice for not paying her bill, which she may have been able to do had she taken the Lena Horne job) and I gave her an all-expense paid vacation here to New York City when times were good thanks to my VH1 gig in the late 80s. I lost my apartment in the early 90s when times were really bad. I was unemployed for a long time and couldn't afford to pay my rent and her mortgage. She said, "Do what you gotta do...but don't let anything happen to my house." My belongings went to the Salvation Army and I roomed with different friends for over a year while working part-time jobs. When I got back on my feet financially, I had a terminally ill partner to care for. And I still had her mortgage payments. Even though she was a registered nurse, she never called me during that time to offer help or sympathy. She didn't approve of same-sex yet alone interracial relationships in our family. Richard passed away in 1994. That's when she started calling me again. In the late 90s, I was working on a local morning news program. I took a nighttime second job to help with the mortgage in case my work opportunities started to dry up. That was one of the smartest things I ever did. The same year I got it paid off was exactly the same year my career started to hit a wall. I flew out to see her in 1999. I had to explain the bit part I did on "The Sopranos" because she'd never gotten cable. Even though my three years on VH1 had benefitted her, she never did and never has subscribed to cable. During my visit, she asked a whopper of a question: "Now that Richard's dead, would you consider marrying a woman?" OK...so why did I do all that for my mother if she clearly had not been giving me attention? Well, besides the love of trying to be a good son, I was living within and trying to survive the expectations of race, religion and class. I'm the oldest of three. My Black Catholic parents divorced when I was in the 8th grade. My father was technically a deadbeat dad in South Central L.A. There were expectations. Additionally, Mom is very concerned with image. If I married a woman, that image would prove to her friends that I was not gay. I'm sure she's never told any of her friends or neighbors that she's never watched me on VH1, HBO, Lifetime TV or Food Network. That would be bad for her image. Expectations and image -- just like in the movies.

My mother has not called me since the first hour of the last New York City blackout. More than my being gay, she hates that I've told people that I'm gay. She has told me more than once that her house takes priority over me and she's sent me notes saying that she does not want me to come visit. Back in 1999, when I got her mortgage paid off, I also gave her a total of $13,000. If you're straight, let me ask you this -- If I paid off your mortgage and gave you a check for $13,000 in the same year, would you have a problem with me wanting to take a cute guy to dinner and a Broadway show?

I think it's a miracle I didn't turn out to be like Norman Bates. Happy Mother's Day. Sign the guestbook.

Friday, May 6th 2005 - 02:35:27 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: MY WISH LIST

I wish that on Thursday, some hunk who was one of those bachelors on the ABC reality series would hold a press conference and say, "I was on THE BACHELOR and I'm about as straight as a Slinky! ABC made me act butch and hired someone to coach me on how to kiss a woman. I was told that the exposure would advance my acting career. It didn't. I starred in a dinner theatre version of "Pippin" but that really doesn't count. I've got a telemarketing job in Sherman Oaks, California and kissing all those women on national TV ruined my relationship with a wonderful man named Kevin. Kevin, if you're listening....I'm sorry and you are still the wind beneath my wings."

A one-hour investigative report on AMERICAN IDOL. Our country has no idea what the hell's going on in the hunt for Osama bin Laden, but a network is going after Paula Abdul like she's a weapon of mass destruction.
What do you think? Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, May 4th 2005 - 06:31:39 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: A MEMBER OF THE JACKSONS

Back in 1991, I hosted a pilot for a game show created by an Emmy-winning producer who co-created "The Hollywood Squares." The only reason our game show didn't get picked up for syndication was because some TV executives felt it was tad to similar to "America's Funniest Videos." That was a major disappointment because ours was a damn good show with celebrity panelists judging submitted entries in a "Best Action Movie Scene Take-Off," and "Best TV Commercial Take-Off" sort of contest. We asked viewers to be inventive and really make mini-movies, which was actually different from "America's Funniest Videos." Anyway, it was a wonderful experience. One of the big thrills for me was taping it at the CBS Studios in Hollywood on the same stage where "The Carol Burnett Show" had been shot. In TV, the folks who usually take to me the most as a buddy, the folks who help me the most, are the guys in the crew -- stagehands, audio people, camera crews, TelePrompTer operators, etc. One time, during lunch, I was hanging out with our game show tech crew. A few were real TV cowboys -- veteran stagehands who'd worked on several CBS shows through the years. When I asked who were some of the most fun acts to watch in performance, the vets all included The Jackson Five. They said it was amazing to see so much talent in the kids from one family. One guy said, "Hey! Remember that time Jackie kinda flashed us? Dang!" Of course, I wanted to know that story behind that comment on the oldest one in the musical group. Apparently, Jackie was backstage getting into one of his glittery outfits for a number and making some adjustments before zipping up. And he wasn't wearing any underwear. The other stagehand said, "It's a good thing no girls were back there at the time. He didn't become as famous as little Michael but, man, let me tell ya this -- I couldn't help but stare at it and I'm straight as a 2x4. If Jackie Jackson had pulled out his pants pockets, from the belt buckle down he would've looked just like an elephant. Yes, indeedy."

Jackie Jackson turns 54 today. Join me in wishing him many happy returns. If it's your birthday today, the same to you. Sign the guestbook. (Why do I suddenly have a hankerin' for some peanuts?)
Wednesday, May 4th 2005 - 08:19:00 AM

Name: Citizen Bob
Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: FALLEN IDOL?

"I'm gonna look out for my God, my family and the whole State of Christ Church. And that don't encompass anybody but white Christians. And these other races and colors and creeds and sissies...whatever...they are anti-Christ."

Accused civil rights assassin Byron De La Beckwith, played by James Woods in GHOSTS OF MISSISSIPPI (1996).

Thanks to my wonderful friend Mary B. down in Florida, I rented that movie, based on a true story. Medgar Evers, a champion of civil rights, was gunned down in the driveway of his home in 1963, six months before Pres. Kennedy was assassinated. Thirty years later, his killer was brought to trial. What scared me about that dialogue was that it almost echoes soundbites we're getting today from staunch conservatives in high political office, acting in an intolerate manner yet calling themselves "Christians." Tom DeLay of Texas proclaimed that the filibuster, an American privilege in our democratic system, needed to be killed because it denies power to "...people of faith." Reportedly, VP Cheney backed him up on that. To me, that was a major red flag. It's like a new McCarthyism, a Techo Era Witchhunt of those who don't fall in line with conservative policies. This is May -- the lusty month of TV ratings also known as "sweeps." Have you seen an extensive report on the DeLay move? I haven't. Tomorrow night, ABC is doing a major "expose" on AMERICAN IDOL and charging poor little Paula Abdul with dating a contestant. Last night, during the SUPERNANNY, ABC ran commercials for a product spawned from Focus on the Family, a Colorado-based organization that urges gays & lesbians to seek "reparative therapy" to cure them of their sexual orientation. But we'll discover that some contestant or contestants may have been coached before screaming high notes on AMERICAN IDOL. What happened to real investigative journalism? By the way, local news programs and network news programs for that matter, will not consider me for employment because they think I'm just a comic performer who doesn't have a serious thought in his head. As a classic Motown song says, Ain't That Peculiar? Below, some notes on "coaching" I notice in THE BACHELOR. Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, May 3rd 2005 - 03:18:56 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SurREALITY TELEVISION

Last night, I took a break from practicing for my acting class and watched some "reality television" on ABC. I started with THE BACHELOR followed by THE SUPERNANNY. If I was a TV producer -- and I should be -- I would've titled those shows THE HOOTCHIE HOUR followed by WITNESS RELOCATION MELTDOWN. I don't know if TV columnists are buying all this jive, but when sitting through programs that are supposed to be real, I keep thinking of that classic line from THE WIZARD OF OZ -- "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" If you've read my previous blogs on THE BACHELOR, you know how I feel about that cheese which has become a guilty pleasure. Something in last night's episode really jumped out at me. It's something you can see in films starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers all the way to Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. It's the art of screen kissing. There's a certain way of kissing for the camera which is different from the way we passionately, romantically kiss in real life (when some of us get the chance, that is). If you notice, the actor may place one lip right under the actress' nose while she places one lip below his bottom one. Both pairs of lips are not making a direct bullseye..just giving the illusion of one, which is more pleasing for the camera and keeps any real-life spouses or sweethearts from being jealous. Charlie, the single guy/actor, and the three fianceé wannabes were all doing movie kissing. Only wannabe actresses would know how to do that, unless coached. On THE SUPERNANNY, a British domestic helper goes to a suburban home to help parents rule their unruly children. I didn't catch what city she went to last night, but she was on a suburban street, like the one Craig T. Nelson's family lived on in POLTERGEIST. There was a young 30something couple. A housewife mother of two little boys who acted as though they'd been born with three 6's on their scalps and the dad who "sells insurance." Their house was huuuuuuuuuuge! Kirstie Alley's home was renovated on Oprah. Kirstie gave a tour of her place before the makeover. She got that grand house because of big money from two hit sitcoms. Their house was as big as Kirstie's or as big as the one owned by Tony Soprano. Inside, there was enough room for the Von Trapp Family, let alone just two toddlers. The backyard was also huge. However, there were several shots of the residential street in the morning, afternoon, evening and night. You never saw any activity -- no neighbors, no pets, no vehicular traffic. The husband left for work in the morning. No other residents are leaving for work. He gets home at 5:30pm. No one else is coming home. In the suburbs, there's activity at 5:30 on a weekday. In all the time the lethargic, passive mother is being stressed out by the two little devils, there's never a phone ringing, a doorbell ringing, nothing. It's like that family testified against mobsters and got relocated. Husband and wife are friendly, but they never really touch or hug or kiss. I kept looking at close-ups of their hands. From what I can gather, the "insurance salesman" husband and his non-employed wife spent so much money on that huuuuuuuuuuuge house with the large backyard that they just could not afford to get wedding rings. Are TV columnists in your town noticing these things in their newspaper reviews? Or am I the only one who sees that something funky is going on -- like Paula Prentiss in the original version of THE STEPFORD WIVES? I'd really like to know. Oh! By the way, Martha Stewart is preparing her return to TV. Word has it the show will be called "Martha" and she'll be more accessible and down-to-earth. Again, if I was a TV producer -- and I should be -- I'd have her do a studio show where she invites celebs who've also done time to help her in the kitchen. I'd called it TOSS MY SALAD! That way, Martha could open the show with something like "Singer George Michael, come on in here and Toss My Salad!" or "Next week, I'll get my salad tossed by Nick Nolte and Lil' Kim. It's a good thing!" Well...that's all for now. Wish me luck jobhunting. And sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, May 3rd 2005 - 09:17:15 AM

Name: Robaire
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: Le Big Apple
ENTRY: LA'MOUR, LA'MOUR

It's reported today that actress Cameron Diaz and pop star Justin Timberlake will wed this weekend in France.
I guess this makes it obvious that France is in favor of same-sex marriages. We wish those two kids all the best. Have a good day. Sign the guestbook. Au revoir.
Monday, May 2nd 2005 - 08:46:51 AM

Name: Bobby Baby
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: A ROSE IS A ROSE IS A ROSIE O'DONNELL

All writers are vain. I'm no exception. Who gives better celebrity blog -- Rosie O'Donnell or Bobby Rivers? Compare by logging onto www.rosie.com. My former co-worker and officemate in our VH1 days has done extremely well for herself. She stars in a made-for-CBS movie on Sunday night. That being the case, couldn't someone give a star a better pic to post on her homepage, for lord's sake? Check hers out. You know Robbie Coltrane, the actor who plays Rubeus Hagrid in the "Harry Potter" movies? Well, it looks like someone took a quick photo of him while he was out jogging on location and later discovered that the Loch Ness monster appeared in the background. Check out the pic. Read Rosie's blog. Leave a review on my guestbook. Love you madly.
Saturday, April 30th 2005 - 12:49:06 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: TOM CRUISE IS A HOLMES-O-SEXUAL

Actor Tom Cruise, 42, is dating "Dawson's Creek" actress, Katie Holmes. She's 16 years younger than he is but at least she's not 16 inches taller than he is like his ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, seemed to be. The actor and actress are close to the same height. They both have major movies coming out later this year. She'll star in "Batman Begins." He'll star in the Spielberg remake "The War of the Worlds." Tom and Katie are at a hightone film festival in Italy this weekend where he will be presented the David di Donatello Lifetime Achievement Award. How did the two stars hook up in the first place? Match.com. Just like hundreds of other single folks in America. Have a good weekend. Sign the guestbook. And remember -- "You complete me."
Friday, April 29th 2005 - 05:46:11 PM

Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: THE WHITE HOUSE vs PARIS

You can definitely tell that we are in that bloodthirsty network battle for ratings known as May "sweeps." President George W. Bush proved not to be as important to TV executives as SURVIVOR, THE APPRENTICE and THE SIMPLE LIFE starring Paris Hilton. Of the major networks, only ABC let him yammer on about his plans for Social Security for more than one hour. The others cut to entertainment programming.

About W's speech -- remember when he said he was going to find Osama bin Laden? He didn't. Remember when he said he was going to find those Weapons of Mass Destruction. He didn't. So why should I buy this line of jive he's trying to hand me about revamping Social Security for my benefit. Personally, I wouldn't trust that man with my wallet...and he's the Leader of the Land. But that's just me. Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, April 28th 2005 - 09:33:33 PM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: UP TO PARR

I had not seen the superhit animated feature THE INCREDIBLES until I rented the DVD last weekend. Personally, I would've nominated that for Best Picture instead of THE AVIATOR. Sensationally entertaining, witty, wise, original and fun. If you saw it, remember the scene where Bob Parr, the overweight, middle-aged former superhero gets home to the suburbs after another dismal day at the office and takes out his frustration on his piece-of-shit family car in the driveway? Baby, I know that feeling. Parr and his family must overcome suppressing their superpowers so they can fit into a new world that seems to celebrate mediocrity with no regard whatsoever for Old School skills and knowledge. Last summer, when "Top 5" was unexpectedly chopped from the Food Network production schedule and I started hearing that I was not booked for other TV host gigs because I'm too old, not handsome enough, or -- in one case -- I'm not gay enough, I felt like picking up a car and banging it on the pavement too.

Last month, I enrolled myself into acting classes at TVI Studios in Manhattan's theatre district. It's some of the hardest work I've ever done...but I've not felt so alive, so re-animated in years. I needed to learn new things and exercise my performance muscles. However, one of the main reasons I signed up for classes is because they scared me. Yes, you read that correctly. Despite all my years in front of the camera, I was afraid of taking acting classes. They seemed so daunting -- getting up in front of others and utilizing my own emotional potholes and pitchforks to inform a character. In facing that fear, I feel like I'm taking flight.

There's a big difference between the kind of broadcast work I've done in TV news vs the performance arts. You constantly hear of actors who want to work with other actors, dancers who want to work with certain choreographers, musicians who want to jam with other musicians. And all of those entertainers want to try different things to challenge themselves. In broadcast news performance, the top goal is to become a solo act in the spotlight if you can and to do the same thing for as long as you can with no changes. I have never in my life heard one newscaster say, "Hey...ya know who'd I'd really love to have as a co-anchor one day?" Newspeople dream of anchoring, but they're assigned co-anchors to help them read aloud for 30 minutes. Actors onstage have to memorize their lines, songs, and dance numbers for over two hours and keep going despite threat of personal injury. I saw a heavy roll of scenery fall from the ceiling and miss Carol Channing by just a few inches during a number in HELLO, DOLLY. She kept going and two quick-thinking chorus guys picked the roll up, in rhythm, and danced it offstage to thunderous applause. During a Broadway performance of LOVE! VALOUR! COMPASSION!, we saw an actor walk offstage during a tense moment in a dinner scene. The others kept going and we thought it was part of the scene until we heard an offstage thud, followed by the announcement, "Is there a doctor in the house?" The actor had suffered an epileptic seizure. He felt it coming on but held off exiting until a moment in the scene that would have made it dramatically correct. He was replaced by his understudy. During the curtain call, Nathan Lane explained all this. The ailing actor and his understudy came on to thunderous applause. Think about when something unexpected happens during the flow of your live local newscast. The problem is usually announced. An anchor will shuffle papers and say "...and switching gears now..." or throw to a commercial break so they can regroup. But that doesn't keep them from acting like divas, no matter the sex. I've been lucky enough to spend an appreciable amount of time with Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks, Sean Penn, Paul McCartney, Carlos Santana, and Tina Turner. I worked with the cast of "The Sopranos." Liza Minnelli invited me to one of her birthday parties. I got a thank-you note from Norman Mailer after I interviewed him. I got a thank-you call from Julia Roberts' office after I interviewed her. Do you know who had one of the most overblown, irritating and surprising celebrity egos I had to deal with? Not one of those icons. NBC Weatherman Al Roker. Go figure.

I'm one of the oldest guys in my acting classes and I learn something from each young actor who gets up and performs. I'd be very flattered if they've learn something from me. I love working with them. I gave myself six months to turn my career around, starting in January. It's almost June. Wish me luck. The same to you. Sign the guestbook. See THE INCREDIBLES.
Wednesday, April 27th 2005 - 09:56:32 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THE HORROR....THE HORROR

Last Wednesday, Ryan Seacrest was honored with a star on the famous Hollywood Walk of Fame. This is concrete evidence that the Devil does exist and must be conquered. Ryan Seacrest. Who's next? Anna Nicole Smith? Kathy Griffin? That guy who played Screech on "Saved By The Bell"? Culturally speaking, welcome to Apocalypse Now. Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, April 26th 2005 - 01:20:23 PM

Reporting in from: NewYorkCity
ENTRY: BROADCAST NEWS

I logged onto a broadcast industry website to check out the latest news. I clicked onto the message board. According to stagehands on the set of ABC's "The View," Star Jones constantly smells of bacon grease. Why does that put a great big smile on my face this bright Tuesday morning? Have a good day. Sign the guestbook. I'm going to my favorite neighborhood diner now for some eggs. And bacon.
Tuesday, April 26th 2005 - 08:32:32 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: "TEEN JESUS," Episode #4

TEEN JESUS GETS A JOB AT THE RED LOBSTER IN NAZARETH CITY

Manager: "Oy! Can you believe this? A busy Friday night and we're sold out of every piece of fish except for this last package of scrod. Jesus H. Christ, 86 the fish! We'll just have to push the soup and the salad bar."

Teen Jesus: "No! Wait! Listen, boss. Hand me that scrod. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John...you guys go cover the floor and leave me alone here in the kitchen for a couple of minutes. We'll have more seafood than you can shake a fishstick at. I can handle this, boss. We can feed that crowd. Not to worry."

Manager: "Jesus, that's the kinda spirit we've needed around here! I tell ya, that kid may have MY job one of these days."

Judas: "Bitch."

THE END

Sunday, April 24th 2005 - 04:47:05 PM

Reporting in from: Vatican City
ENTRY: SMOKE SIGNALS: DATELINE ROME

This Roman holiday has been memorable, but I'm ready to return home to the USA and my pitiful...I mean...humble apartment in Chelsea. This will be the last report I file from Vatican City. As you know, the white smoke appeared and then came the announcement that we have a new pope. There was a false signal because one of the cardinals left his cookies in the oven a little too long which set off the smoke detector and confused the entire crowd in St. Peter's Square.

The late John Paul II was the first Polish pope. Germany's Cardinal Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI, was a member of the Nazi Youth Movement against his will. So, once again, Germany is after Poland. I met him before the election. I asked for his blessing. He said, "Dominus Vobiscum. Now show me your papers." That kind of freaked me out. I guess, for him, old habits are hard to break. Inside the basilica, shortly before the joyous papal news, one of the cardinals asked me a question. "My son, what saint's name would you choose if you were elected pope?" I said, "Pope Jill St. John." He whacked me on the head with a Holy Scepter. In contrast to the late pontiff, Ratzinger's first appearance on the balcony as pope was somewhat serious and very short. Why so short? From what I heard, he went outside, saw his shadow, and went right back in for six more weeks of mourning John Paul II. Then another cardinal approached me and said, "I'm sure all you reporters will want to know how the new Pontiff will bring our church into the 21st century. Yes?" I said, "Well..your holiness...I'd rather know why a guy from Germany talks with an Italian accent. His brother doesn't. What's up with that?" Again, I was whacked on the head with a Holy Scepter.

Downstairs in the Basilica Lounge, I was allowed to attend the Papal Victory Party sponsored by Blue Nun Wines. Pope Benedict was much more relaxed and chatty after a few drinks. There was one awkward moment when he didn't realize that the partygoer congratulating him was Cardinal Francis Arinze, the Black pope hopeful from Nigeria. When he asked Cardinal Arinze if he was available two days a week to do some light housework, the Holy Father was escorted quickly to another part of the room. There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that one of our American cardinals kicked off the festivities by shouting, "We elected a new pope! Bartendar, altar boys for everybody!" However, I can confirm that Snoop Dogg came to Rome for the funeral of Pope JP2 and is the host on a 2-DVD set called "Mourners Gone Wild."

Peace be with you. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, April 20th 2005 - 08:32:14 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: YAHOO NEWS HEADLINE

"Russia's Putin Has Too Much Power, Says Rice"

Condoleezza, honey, if that's the case... light a match, hold your nose and open a window. Maybe tell those Russians to lay off the lactose. Serves you right for falling for the old "pull my finger" gag when you met the prime minister.

Back to the newsroom.
Wednesday, April 20th 2005 - 12:21:52 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: HOLY FATHERLAND

We have a new pope!!! Cardinal Ratzinger, from Germany, is now Pope Benedict XVI. He introduced himself to the cheering crowd at Vatican City as being "...a simple worker in the vineyard of the Lord." He's not as charismatic as his late friend, Pope JP2, but it is said that he is warm. That was proven in his short, direct acceptance speech. Vatican sources tell me that Cardinal Francis of Nigeria was a very, very serious contender for the top job. However, they were extremely concerned that his first words might have run along the lines of -- "Damn! I won! Can you believe this shit?!?!? I won!!! Hook me up with cellphone somebody. I gots to call Oprah!"

If you're a gay Catholic, what is the new pope like? He's traditional. New master. Same plantation. We ain't invited into the Big House. Ya know what I'm sayin'? Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, April 19th 2005 - 12:56:53 PM

Name: Friar Bobby Rivers
Reporting in from: NY, NY
ENTRY: HOLY SMOKE!

There is a chance that Cardinal Francis Arinze of Nigeria could be the first Black pope. If he is elected, what name should he choose as Holy Father of the Roman Catholic Church. Pick one of these Top 5 choices:

1. Pope Martin de Porres (after the first Black Hispanic saint)
2. Pope Diddy
3. Pope John Paul III
4. Pope Malcolm X
5. Pope-rah Winfrey

Sign the guestbook..and watch the skies of Rome for election results. Amen.
Monday, April 18th 2005 - 05:25:44 PM

Name: Bobby Rivers, Ex-VJ
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: DEAR JON

I'm watching Oprah with Jon Stewart of "The Daily Show." I remember, back in the late '80s, chatting with Jon on a corner downtown in the village. He worked for MTV at the time and I was on VH1. Oprah just talked about how lovely his home is...because she stayed there overnight as a guest. She called him "a genius." Gee....I wonder if she's ever caught Dave Chappelle's show on Comedy Central. I wonder if Jon will remember to thank the staff of writers that makes him brilliant. He's had a good life after MTV. Me? Well...I cut out some coupons that got me a discount of $2.50 today at the supermarket. I count my blessings. Sign the guestbook.
Monday, April 18th 2005 - 04:06:46 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: FUN IN BED with LANCE BASS

What a week for nighttime channel-surfing! The same day the government changed its mind on silicone breast implants being a bad thing, we saw the premiere of the Pamela Anderson sitcom on Fox. It takes place in a bookstore and it's called STACKED. Get it? Just like Paris Hilton, she could've starred in a new show called A STAR IS PORN. She's the second Fox-y lady whose sex-ploits are rentable on a DVD or VHS. Maybe Fox should whip up a sitcom for Ron Jeremy called PHALLUS IN WONDERLAND. X-rated work seems to be the new ticket to booking a primetime series. Friday night, I watched GSN (the Game Show Network). Nothin' says "You need a life" more than watching a few celebrities play poker on national television. However, last night's edition had a great High Class Trash moment. Lance Bass, of 'N Sync fame, was one of the players along with Jeff Probst and Jason Alexander. Over his cards, from the nose up, Lance looked just like Nicole Kidman in MOULIN ROUGE. His lashes and eyebrows were done to death. Plus, he had a special straw in his drink glass that drew attention. I thought it was a vibrator. He said that he needed a straw that big. As he used it, Jason Alexander wisecracked "Lance Bass -- Size Queen." Lance shot him a glare that should've come with the subtitle "Bitch!" That moment was funnier than either one of the two sitcoms Jason's had since "Seinfeld" called it quits. It would have been a classic clip for "Talk Soup" on E! Ahh....the '90s. Remember waking up early on a weekend morning to laugh as Greg Kinnear hosted that show? You may not have heard, but it's been retitled "The Soup" and it's reclaimed some of its old comedy snap and bazazz. The new host, Joel McHale, is the best one yet since Kinnear. "The Soup" is low-budget big fun with laughter from the camera crew. I love that kind of TV. Just like my old VH1 days. Here's some Bobby Trivia for ya -- I tested for E! once a year from 1990-1998. They've got enough audition footage on me for a 1 hour special. I was told that the execs really liked my talent and humor but passed on me because I don't have "male model looks." Don't get me started. Speaking of work...I've got an anniversary coming up on April 20th. My ICM broadcast agent and I will have been together for one year. One year and only six auditions. She's a sweet woman, but I didn't get into this biz to be obscure. I'm taking classes in commercial and film acting at TVI Studios here in NYC to sharpen my skills. I've learned a helluva lot and I feel that I've become a stronger performer. Now I just need a strong, aggressive agent to help get me some auditions so I can show what I've learned. Know what I mean? Sign the guestbook.
Saturday, April 16th 2005 - 12:02:42 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: THE TAXMAN COMETH

Heaven help the freelancer. I mailed my checks and tax forms to Uncle Sam yesterday. Basically, I didn't make enough money to get a refund this year. I'm sure some of you will understand the irony of that. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- being a freelance worker and paying taxes in New York State is like having Edward Scissorhands as your proctologist. Well, back to the jobhunt in this concrete jungle called Manhattan. I wish you many happy returns of the day. Sign the guestbook. Enjoy your weekend.
Friday, April 15th 2005 - 07:53:37 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: THE SUM OF ALL SPEARS 2: SHE'S BREEDING

In an earlier posting, I blogged about logging on to britneyspears.com. Now I know why currently you can't see her hootchie mama pics. She's pregnant! Yes, Britney Spears Federline -- or BFed, as I will now call her -- is procreating. This will be the pop star's first child. It will be Kevin Federline's third. BFed's 27 y/o dancer husband is the "baby daddy" of two children by his ex-girlfriend, actress Shar Jackson. ("MISS Jackson," if you're nasty.) She has two other children by another relationship, bringing her grand total to four. Shar is 28. Her acting credits include two episodes of "The Parkers," the role of Niecy on the sitcom "Moesha," and the role of Monique in the kid comedy flick "Good Burger." Yep. Shar's a sista. Think about it -- including the pregnancy, we're talking about five children...four born out of wedlock...with three parents who are all under the age of 29.

And some Christians want to club me like a baby seal just because I want to meet a nice guy and hold his hand through a Broadway revival performance of "Oklahoma." Oh, lord, my load is heavy. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, April 13th 2005 - 09:27:46 AM

Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: A SIDE OF FREYS

This is what tickles me about America. Conservatives all over the country don't think that gay people can respectfully enter into the institution of marriage like straight people can...and then they watch THE BACHELOR on ABC Monday nights. I watch it too. It's a guilty pleasure like renting POOTIE TANG or grabbing a slice of pizza on the way home from the gym. THE BACHELOR is a network whoopee cushion on the seat of feminism in the 21st century. The new mancandy is Charlie O'Connell, an actor. The movie DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR? is on his resumé. Young, slim women from all over the country are competing to be his fianceé even though they don't know his middle name, his exact address or really anything substantial about his personal life. We learned that one woman didn't major in English Lit. ("I should've have gaven him an opportunity...") and another is a 26 year old single mom with a 9 year old daughter that she left in Texas so she could fly to NYC and flirt with a stranger on national television. One woman stripped down to a thong bikini seconds after she met Charlie and another babe commented that he was "Mr. Right" simply because he "owned the room" when he entered, plus he has good looks and a low, masculine voice. Gee! Just like convicted psycho Scott Peterson! No offense, Charlie, but that's my point. With this surreal reality television, we're creating a new wave of Amber Freys. When Amber was Oprah's guest last month, I was speechless. First of all, I don't believe that willowy, clueless blonde read the book she's promoting, much less wrote it. That's not what struck me speechless. My jaw dropped down to the top of my Nikes when she revealed that she hooked up with Peterson on Date #1 (because he was handsome, butch and charismatic). He said just what she, a single mom, wanted to hear. He didn't said what she NEEDED to hear -- "Nice to meet you. I just killed my wife, so I'm free tonight." On Date #2, she asked him to go pick up her daughter alone at her daycare center. On Date #2!!! The horror!! What the hell was she thinking?!?!?!?!

"Scott, did you pick up my little girl?"

"Yep. After I got her bound and gagged, I picked her up. Then I put her in the trunk."

Amber Frey and her child are lucky to be alive today.
There you have it. There's the new sanctity of marriage and motherhood. ABC is raising the stakes on THE BACHELOR this season with more surprises and bitchery. You know what I'd like to see? One of those hootchie mamas making out with the mancandy, then suddenly quit and say, "Stop. I can't do this anymore. Kissing you made me realize that....I'm not into men! I don't want you. I want --- That Girl!!!" Ratings would jump. We all know that those neo-conservative dudes think two peaceful gay men living together quietly and getting a tax break is wicked -- but those same dudes have absolutely no problem whatsoever with two big titty gals getting naked and rubbing each other down with baby oil. That's why God created Pay-Per-View. But that's just me. What do you think? Sign the guestbook.
Monday, April 11th 2005 - 08:59:31 AM

Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: ROYAL WEDDING

Today in the United Kingdom, Prince Charles married his longtime love, Camilla Parker Bowles. After they exchanged vows in the church, the bride caught the bouquet -- and then proceeded to eat it. Have you seen her? She looks like the lead in a new production of EQUUS. If I woke up tomorrow and saw her head in my bed, I'd start screaming like that guy in THE GODFATHER. But that's just me. Enjoy your weekend. Sign the guestbook. Love hearing from you. Cheers.
Saturday, April 9th 2005 - 10:05:47 AM

Name: Fr. Bob
Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: ¡GRACIAS, TELEMUNDO!

The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. I wanted to wake up at 4am to see the Papal Funeral Mass, but I was just too drained. I awoke in time to catch the final portion of the service. Last night, I had to perform a scene in my acting class. (More about that later.) I'd put a lot of work into my scene. Early yesterday afternoon, I had to send checks to Uncle Sam. My taxes were completed. My Food Network gig, like many cable TV jobs, was non-union. That means no taxes are taken out of your paychecks. THAT means you need to save your money because April will do a bitchslap on your bank account. Writing those checks was like having Edward Scissorhands as my proctologist. It was an exhausting day. I saw the beautiful finale of the mass and thought it might be repeated in its entirety on one of our American cable networks this morning. Nope. If you miss "The Apprentice", you can see it practically one hour later on cable. TeleMundo Spanish TV carried the whole service in a repeat broadcast this morning. Our American cable networks repeated portions of the ceremony, then cut to opinions from all the anchors who then tossed to commercials for Ace Hardware or The Larry King Show ("Mickey Rooney...you starred opposite the late, great Spencer Tracy when he played Father Flanagan in BOYS' TOWN. What did The Pope mean to you?")

As a broadcast veteran, it really gets me to see all those US network types, with the help of their producers, talk about what a remarkable man Pope JP2 was. Why? Let's consider our youth-obsessed culture. Most TV network execs only care about you if you're a viewer between the ages of 18-49. As far as hiring, they really don't want you to be over 40. They can't say that...but you know the routine if you're in the business. JP2 was in his late 50s when he became pope. He helped collapse Communism in Eastern Europe ten years later. If, today, he was alive and the age that he was when he took Pontifical office -- with all his intelligence, drive, skills and charisma -- and came to America incognito to get a broadcast agent here in New York City or Los Angeles, it would never happen. The same thing with trying to a book a job interview with news producer. Based on his age alone, they wouldn't care if he could levitate over St. Patrick's Cathedral. He'd be sitting in the waiting room while Jillian Barbiere, Paris Hilton, Billy Bush, Ryan Seacrest and CBS weatherman Dave Price went in for meetings. He'd get tired of waiting. He'd leave, catch a cab to the airport, and get the first plane back to Vatican City. The point is this -- occupationally, he started really making an impact when he was well over 50. And look at the millions of young people he influenced. Some of them were there in Rome watching his funeral. I really like Anderson Cooper. It's about damn time a network put him in a star spot. He's earned it. However, when he said again this morning how remarkable The Pope was, I kinda wish someone would have said, "Coop, he was 58 he got the Pope job. Would your agent at N.S. Bienstock Inc. take on a talented newcomer if he was 58?" I wish America had a more European regard for age. Tomorrow, Prince Charles is getting married again. Have you seen the fianceé? Every time I look at her, why do I think of the "Mr. Ed" themesong? Have a good weekend. Sign the guestbook.
Friday, April 8th 2005 - 10:15:38 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: BEAT THE BISHOP

I have an idea for The Conclave that has to elect a new pope. It involves jumping onboard the network reality gameshow bandwagon. The networks would love it. Young adult viewers would think that the Catholic Church is hip and really in vibe with the current century. Are you ready? OK. Here goes...

SURVIVOR: VATICAN CITY
"Outwit...Outpray...Outlast...Out-of-Court Settlements"

Whadaya think? Would CBS go for it or not? Let me know. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, April 6th 2005 - 09:48:00 PM

Name: You Know Who
Reporting in from: You Know Where
ENTRY: THE SUM OF ALL SPEARS

UPN will air a reality series that turns a TV eye on newlyweds Britney Spears and Kevin Whatsisname. Just a week ago, she was whining about all the tabloid attention that she gets. Now this. For a long time, due to its "urban programming," many of us said that UPN stood for "Us Po' Negroes." Obviously, the network is expanding to include white trash couples. Viva Diversity! The series will be recut and aired on either MTV or VH1. For moron Britney...oops! I mean, for more on Britney...scroll down to "A Boob in the Woods."
In other programming, it's Wednesday and we're still seeing Pope JP2's corpse on the live network news. The man passed away on Saturday and, since Sunday, his remains have been on display like a Buick in The Auto Show. It's starting to creep me out. Especially considering that it's 2005 and he's decked out in a Medieval costume with a most unfortunate hat. Maybe it's just me. Millions of other Catholics and no network news anchors seem to have a problem with it. Comedian Bob Hope was 100 when he died and just as well-known all over the world. I bet if Hollywood had dressed his body in one of his costumes from THE ROAD TO MOROCCO, and placed him on public display in the Kodak Theater (new home of the Academy Awards) for a few days while the Screen Actors Guild secretly elected a new host for The Bob Hope Desert Classic Golf Tournament, someone would say "Oh..that's too weird -- even for Hollywood."
But...I could wrong. What do you think? Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, April 6th 2005 - 07:41:11 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: RELIGION AND COLOR TV

If I had the finances and the time to go to Rome and respectfully file past the remains of the late Pontiff and say a prayer for his heavenly rest, I would. When he became pope, I was still working in radio in the early days of my broadcast career. We weren't a cable-saturated country then. You still had to get up and walk over to the TV set to change the channel to one of the three major networks. The only Madonna we worshipped was the Virgin Mary, not a pop star who flopped around on her belly in a bridal gown like a reptile with earrings. Television still had a vaudeville quality to it, but it was not the circus maximus that it is today. Very few women were news anchors. They did the weather. Black men did the sports. When I was kid in LA, our local NBC sportscaster was Bryant Gumble -- with an Afro the size of a radar dish. Anchors were mostly Caucasian males. If you were a correspondent who happened to be gay, you did not say so for fear of losing your job. You were closeted on the air. John Paul 2nd began his reign when television was still pretty on the brink of puberty. There was no MTV, no Oprah, no "Survivor," no "Queer Eye." There was a solid, heavy line between news and entertainment. As for technology, we all didn't have home computers or cellphones. We met at friends' homes to watch some special TV events, we called on old-fashioned rotary phones, we hung out and we mailed thank-you notes. American media, technology and social attitudes grew up while the Pope held his religious office. He was a master at dealing with all three. The next pope will be the first one elected in the 21st Century. His task will not be easy. Just following John Paul 2nd alone will be like following The Beatles when they made their debut on "The Ed Sullivan Show" (for those of us old enough to remember that reference).

Today, Monday, just about every network news program reported that the next Pontiff could be Black or Latino, considering the possibilities in the College of Cardinals. As a Black Catholic, I've long felt that our presence was largely ignored by TV programming and news. Executives must not think we exist. Way back in the 70s, when I was college student at Marquette University in Milwaukee, I was returning to the dorm from a campus mass one day. Marquette is run by Jesuits. A white dude from Wisconsin, in the same dorm, walked back with me and kept asking if I understood the services. "Rich," I snapped, "why do you keep asking me that? I was an altar boy. I've served at masses. I'm Catholic." He said, "Oh! I'm sorry. I thought all you guys were Baptists." Cut to early 2004, after taping some episodes of "Top 5" for Food Network here in New York City. Over a drink, I was telling my producer about one of my favorite high school teachers, a priest. My white producer said, "You're Catholic?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "How'd that happen?" He was serious. My response was, "I was baptised, you idiot. My parents were Catholics too." By the way, he's 40something and now a news producer at CNN. There could be a Black or Latino pope. Good for the Vatican. Now..let's look at our American networks. During the papacy of JP2, how many times did you see a Black or Latino hired to anchor the evening news? To be the entertainment editor/film critic of a network morning news program? What about hosting an upscale syndicated gameshow like "Jeopardy" or "Family Feud"? What about hosting a network nighttime talkshow...or even a politically-edgy satirical one like cable's "The Daily Show"? I think that program is brilliant. I'd be really disappointed if I heard that it has no Black or Latino writers helping to fuel its liberal comedy heat. My point is this: if the Vatican, which can be as modern as the Pony Express, is poised possibly to embrace diversity again, after having had a Polish pope, then TV programming execs and news producers need to up their game a little bit more here in the USA. Don't get me wrong, gains have been made...but there's still some work that needs to be done. There are inequalities that some entertainment journalists should be ballsy enough to address in print or on camera. One last thing...37 years ago today, Dr. Martin Luther King was killed. Two months before he was gunned down, he was a guest on "The TONIGHT Show" with guest host Harry Belafonte. Johnny Carson was on vacation. If NBC had ever considered me to be an entertainment reporter, I would've lobbied to get that historical footage out of its archives. However, that network never did no matter how much I tried to get its attention. Enjoy your evening.
Monday, April 4th 2005 - 06:43:15 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: MY TOP 5 PEOPLE THAT I PRAY WILL NOT BE COVERING THE POPE'S FUNERAL FOR LIVE TV NEWS THIS COMING FRIDAY:

5. Carson from "Queer Eye"
4. Billy Bush
3. Star Jones
2. Melissa Rivers
1. Joan Rivers

Need I explain why? Sign the guestbook.
Monday, April 4th 2005 - 10:58:13 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE...

I just came home to the news that Pope John Paul 2nd passed away. I'm glad he's out of pain and out of the bondage of an old, infirm wall of flesh. I didn't agree with the Vatican's stand on women's rights, gay rights and the strict rules of celibacy for priests, but I will agree that his was a legendary life and a charismatic one. We Catholics believe in life after death. I personally believe that when your spirit passes over to the other side, you are greeted by those loved ones -- relatives and friends -- who passed before you did. He'll be greeted by Mother Teresa and Sister Lucia. Sister Lucia passed earlier this year. She was the 97 yr old nun who was the last surviving member of the three peasant children who saw the vision of The Virgin Mary in Fatima, Portugal. She continued to see visions of The Virgin well into the 1980s. Her last visit with Pope JP2 was in 2000. The first time they met, a meeting which was nationally televised as a top story of the day in the 1970s, was so touching because he greeted her with deep humility and awe...as if she was The Pope. When she died in February, it got a small obit in the NY Daily News halfway through the issue, right before a page of car ads and the sports section. Those two intense female spiritual lights are impressive enough. Think of the mass of other spirits that will also welcome him. Not bad for a poor guy from Poland. Funerals are for the living. Millions will mourn him. However, he is young and strong again in a place far holier than Vatican City.
Saturday, April 2nd 2005 - 04:08:43 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: POPEWATCH 2005

Saturday afternoon, early.
I do not mean any Catholic disrespect whatsoever, as I am one myself. However, is it just me or is the Holy Father's goodbye the longest farewell since Cher started her final concert tour a couple of years ago? Even the Vatican thought he'd be gone by sunrise. OK...now let's all go back to watching the network news for updates.
Saturday, April 2nd 2005 - 12:35:15 PM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: IN A PERFECT WORLD....

I know for sure this morning that millions of fellow Catholics all over the world would be ecstatic if a Vatican official emerged onto the balcony of the Papal residence and made this announcement: "We want to inform the world that the Holy Father....IS OK! He's OK! In fact, he's been OK for two days! April Fools! Some of the Cardinals inside made popcorn and pizza and we just rented THE SOUND OF MUSIC from Netflix. The Holy Father's never seen it. We'll get back to you in a couple of hours. Ciao!"

But...I guess it just won't happen. He's in my prayers. Enjoy your weekend. Don't forget to turn your clocks ahead one hour. And sign the guestbook.
Friday, April 1st 2005 - 08:37:06 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: NEWS OF THE DAY

Terri Schiavo died. Ever since around Christmastime, our national press has thought that The Pope would kick the holy bucket at any minute. But he keeps hanging on. He gets a bad cough, reporters go live all over TV with updates, and then somebody else peels out on the Highway to Heaven. So far this year, Pope JP2 has outlasted Johnnie Cochran, Sandra Dee, the guitarist for Foghat and Johnny Carson. And now Terri Schiavo. Frankly, I didn't know who she was a few weeks ago but Congress did its own version of "American Idol," plucked her from obscurity and made her a national tragic heroine. While all those Christians in Florida are singing and mourning her passing in network liveshots, wouldn't you love to look and see Osama bin Laden way in the background holding a sign that read "Hey, I'm Over Here. Come Get Me"? Man, this country can get so easily distracted with the help of the press. No wonder networks never show WAG THE DOG, BROADCAST NEWS or NETWORK in primetime. Those classic movies are too damn accurate today. But....that's just me.
Thursday, March 31st 2005 - 03:16:17 PM

Name: Roberto Rios
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: Nueva York
ENTRY: A BOOB IN THE WOODS

I have a dream..that one day a wise TV executive will let me have my own talkshow called "Bitch, Strike A Pose and Shut the F**k Up!" Then I snap out of it and realize that no one would greenlight a show with that title. Perhaps "Just Get Over Yourself with Bobby Rivers"? Yes, that's more acceptable. My debut guest would be Miss Thing herself -- Britney Spears. I logged on to her website this morning -- www.britneyspears.com -- and read her rant to the press in False Tabloids. First of all, I'm relieved to see that she can spell. Second, there's the content. She's got her designer undies in a bundle because tabloids write untrue items about her. OK...Britney, honey, look at yourself on that page of your website. Girl, you're gussied up like the prosti-tot Jodie Foster played in TAXI DRIVER. And you think some low-level press members take the ball that is Britney and run with it in the wrong direction because????? Third, click on to her "Dog's Crib" page to see the photos of her scrawny little pet. I have been in show business for at least 20 years. I've been jobhunting for six months. My studio apartment looks like it was decorated by the Joad Family from THE GRAPES OF WRATH because I'm spending the modest bank account I've got left on acting lessons, mailings of unread articles to magazine editors, headshots, resumés and other materials to help me revive my career. When you're young, blonde, pretty, popular and rich enough to accessorize your dog in a faux mink coat and a spring bonnet, then..."Bitch, Strike A Pose and Shut the F**k Up!" Oops...I mean, "Just Get Over Yourself."

You want better press? Go to the library and check out some classic literature, teach someone how to read, volunteer time at a homeless shelter, visit sick youngsters in a children's hospital, use your tourbus to help the elderly get to a voting precinct. Take acting classes. The nerve of her! That chick's got a pink jacket on a dog so small that it looks like an appetizer with eyes. Meanwhile, if I don't hook up with some work soon, I could do a new show called "Top 5 Things To Make with Government Cheese." Please. But that's just me. What do you think? Sign the guestbook.

Thursday, March 31st 2005 - 08:36:16 AM

Reporting in from: NuYorkCity
ENTRY: CASE CLOSED

Famed OJ Simpson trial lawyer Johnnie Cochran passed away.

"If the crypt's too small, he won't fit in the wall."

OK...we all remember his defense rhyme in OJ's case. It made him an icon in LA law and "If the glove doesn't fit..." became part of our pop culture. Cochran was villified by some folks after Simpson was found not guility. But Cochran just did his work as a lawyer and did it brilliantly. Even if OJ didn't personally commit the killings, I think he's guilty of something. That's just me. He's a sick ticket. Before that celebrity case, Cochran represented the down-trodden, the disenfranchised and the non-famous in the LA of my youth. He repped the "No J's" as he called them. The Simpson Trial made him famous. I was shocked to hear that he'd been ailing, but doesn't that explain why he wasn't handling the Michael Jackson case? That seemed like it would've been a natural fit for him. Plus, we hadn't been seeing him give commentary on Jackson's case on all those cable news shows like he used to do. Rest well, Johnnie. He was far from perfect, but he sure made an impact with his talents.

In other celebrity news of note to some of us here in Manhattan, that fabulous grand dame of philanthrophy, Brooke Astor, turned 103 today. She could call The Pope and say "Hiya, kid." She's given millions and millions to charities and, I bet, she's banked up some really good karma for herself with the generous life she's lead. Singer Frankie Laine is 92 today. Yes...Mr. "Rawhide" and "Blazing Saddles" singer. In television, there will be a new cycle of "The Surreal Life" on VH1. Three of the guests forced to co-habitate will be Steroid Slugger Jose Canseco, Omorosa, and Pepa..formerly of Salt-n-Pepa. I can remember when VH1 actually played music videos. The WHOLE videos -- not just 30 seconds and then cut to someone unknown comic making unfunny comments about the singer's fashions. But I'll probably watch "The Surreal Life" because I support any sistuh who's brave enough to put a work called "A Salt With A Deadly Pepa" on her resumé. Know what I mean? I bet you do. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, March 30th 2005 - 06:50:49 AM

Reporting in from: The Emerald City
ENTRY: SIRIUS-LY, MY CUP RUNNETH OVER

This morning, I sip coffee from the mug I was awarded yesterday on national radio. I was a recipient of the 2005 fraank mediaawards on Sirius Satellite Radio, the future home of Howard Stern. Host Frank DeCaro dreamed up the festivities as a satirical send-up of the GLAAD Awards. GLAAD = the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. In my archives, I blogged that GLAAD, a good organization, has ignored some good men who were out and changing attitudes for minimum wage way before "Queer Eye" and "Will & Grace." Instead, it's awarding some straight men who make big bucks on film and television playing gay men. Well, yesterday Frankie gave some R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a couple of those men I blogged about...plus, yours truly! We all got cups and made acceptance speeches. I had my Halle Berry moment. Go into my links, find Frank's website, click onto the Media Awards logo on his homepage and you'll see the list of winners and photos (I look faaaaabulous).

To be a minority in America means having to constantly fight for attention and validation -- especially in the workplace. Couple that with the fact that I'm "showtune -friendly" and you've got a double minority package that means one wacky journey down the highway of life. Trying to pursue a broadcast career in New York City and dealing with aging frat boy TV execs while being Black, educated and gay has been as easy as doing puppet shows for the blind. In a way, it was to be expected. However, from doing gay humor on VH1 and talking about the need for sex safe awareness in the late 80s, fighting local news homophobia in the early 90s to present positive gay images, outing myself on camera to Angelina Jolie and to Lifetime TV viewers while doing a gig there as a movie critic, I'm surprised that I never got a GLAAD invite to attend an awards dinner and have the chicken cordon bleu. One straight woman, a former NY Post TV columnist, told me recently that one of her favorite memories of me was when I worked for WNBC local news in 1993. I was assigned a liveshot from DisneyWorld. If you broadcast from a Disney site, you should know that, at some point, Mickey & Minnie will just walk into your shot whether you want them to or not. It's a corporate thing. Disney is obsessed with getting the logo figurehead on camera. So..while I'm talking on live TV...the two mice skip up to me. They're wearing reindeer antlers with bells on because it's a couple of weeks before Christmas. They proceed to put a pair on me. I put my arms around them and start chanting, "We're here! We're deer! Get used to it! We're here! We're deer! Get used to it!" The mice liked it. Corporate got nervous. I still have a dub of that segment. GLAAD never noticed moments like that. But Frank DeCaro did! Bless his heart. Ain't it cool when somebody finally pays attention and makes you feel special? Thanks for your attention. Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, March 29th 2005 - 09:15:18 AM

Name: Bobby Cottontail
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: Easter Island
ENTRY: HAPPY EASTER!

I was a widower ten years ago. My partner had passed away of AIDS and I felt like my spirit had died with him. Oddly, I could go on live TV and make New Yorkers laugh, because that's what I was assigned to do on local morning news programs. Off-camera, I didn't find anything to laugh at in my life. One evening, a good buddy came over and said, "We're going out." He felt that I needed to rejoin the human race -- like Dolly Gallagher Levi in HELLO, DOLLY. We went to a downtown bar and met a guy that I liked right away. Cliff, a short and sweet fellow who lived in Queens, described himself as a Christian. Honestly, I didn't care if he worshiped Aztec gods. He had good manners, a day job, and he was as hairy as Chewbacca. He could've booked an appointment at a ghetto fabulous beauty shop to get cornrows on his chest. I courted him on and off until 2002. Why so long? He liked me but he didn't have the same urges that I did, based solely on my exterior. He fancied handsome, buffed, bad boy bruthas like LL "Cool" J. In fact, he had live-in relationships with two men who had those kind of hot looks. Unfortunately, one turned out to be physically abusive and the other was an alcoholic sex addict. As Dr. Phil might have said, Cliff bought two bad houses with some good paintjobs.

After he got out of those dark experiences, we reconnected and I took him out for a bite to eat. We talked about life and I revealed that I still had tender feelings for him. He responded with those three little words -- "Oh, that's nice." But he did come into the city again, one Saturday before Easter weekend. We planned to go out to dinner, a movie and perhaps grab drinks afterwards. So he asked if he could spend the night. He did. We slept together. Like Lucy & Ethel. He wore more clothing to bed than he did on the street. Socks, briefs, sweatpants, sleeveless undershirt, T-shirt. Everything but a ski mask. The next day, the 1961 biblical epic KING OF KINGS was on cable. We sent out for food and watched it. Jeffrey Hunter starred as sort of a Malibu Jesus. His wardrobe was very Banana Republic, he had killer blue eyes and seemed like he should've been touring Nazareth in a convertible. During the agony sequence, I said "When you think about His story as a work of literature, isn't it ironic how He died?" Cliff the Christian flinched and put down his quesadilla. "What do you mean?" he said.

"Well...what was His first career? His first job? He was a carpenter. How'd He die? On a wooden cross that He had to carry. Isn't that ironic? It's like if He worked for years bottling Budweiser then one week He goes on vacation and gets hit by a beertruck."

"I don't think that's funny."

"I'm not trying to be funny. I'm just saying that if you look at the life of Christ as a literary character, like you're reading the Bible as a novel or a screeplay, you can find something ironic in the story."

"OK...first of all, Jesus is real."

That was pretty much the last time I saw Cliff. Why do I share all this? Because, when it comes to Jesus, some folks get so caught up in the specifics that they don't get the main theme -- embrace the good stuff and do unto others as you would have others do unto you. That's my Easter Message.

By the way, the last time I was held through the night was in the summer of '97. I met a kind and funny Mormon visiting on business from Salt Lake City. A Mormom. This is my life. I sent him a thank you note because he made my spirit feel alive again.

Go find your Easter eggs....and sign the guestbook.
Sunday, March 27th 2005 - 09:37:26 AM

Name: Citizen Bob
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: THE BUSH LEAGUE

Remember how long it took for W. to say anything sympathetic to the Sri Lankans whose lives were devasted by the killer tsunami? I blogged about it a few days after the disaster. Well...he just got around to addressing the Minnesota tragedy. Native American kids were killed in the worst US school shooting since Columbine. We've seen more than a couple of sunsets since that crime happened. Scroll down to my entry IS IT JUST ME???, PT. 2 and read that. Our president really came to the picnic with a tight jar o' pickles. I just cannot figure him out. OK...now go back to coloring those eggs...and Happy Easter.
Saturday, March 26th 2005 - 06:31:51 PM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: BIBLE STORIES

This is how I know that the apostles were definitely straight guys. If they were gay, the Last Supper would've been white wine spritzers and 12 fruit cups -- because gay men don't do carbs. But if that had been the Last Supper, today's communion service in church would be a helluva lot more festive, don't you think? Or don't you? Happy, Happy Easter.
Saturday, March 26th 2005 - 07:44:41 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: IS IT JUST ME????, Pt. 2

We all discovered that, even after the tragic events of Sept. 11th four years ago, Atlanta still hadn't quite gotten a handle on the whole Homeland Security thing, especially in the courts where security guards apparently trained by watching all the POLICE ACADEMY movies from the 1980s. A convict grabbed a guard's gun and a nightmare began. Then, from the wilds of Minnesota, came this story -- a portly, suicidal, neo-Nazi Native American teenager shot and killed some of his classmates before turning the gun on himself. Yep...let's read that again -- "...neo-Nazi Native American teenager". With a gun. And our Nation's Capitol is totally focused on a poor disabled woman's feeding tube. "HELLO, McFLY!!!!!!!!" Is it just me or should her family be left to deal with that while our politicians make schools in America safe again? Could there possibly have been a bigger cry for help than a young, psychotic loner hooking up with home-grown terrorists on the internet right here in the USA? His classmates knew he was nuts. What were the grown-up local officials waiting for him to do -- put a swastika on his teepee, slap on some warpaint and a funny black moustache, then goosestep in a pair of mocassins for a new Kevin Costner film called DANCES WITH HITLER? Wake up, people!!!

OK...I feel better now that I got that out of my system.
Lately, I've had a lot of new visitors to these blogs o' mine and to my website. You've been kind enough to contact me and mention how I've made you smile or think or both. You have no idea how grateful I am for that. Please! Tell your friends about it....or, better yet, tell my agent. It's Good Friday. I'm going to rent the SOUTH PARK episode on Mel Gibson's Jesus BioPic. If you've never seen what those cartoon kids do to THE PASSION, it's wickedly brilliant and hysterically funny. Happy Easter. If you have a big basket, share it with someone less fortunate. And sign the guestbook.
Friday, March 25th 2005 - 09:44:52 AM

Reporting in from: New York, New York
ENTRY: IS IT JUST ME????

Word has it that the BBC will launch an animated preschool series called "Muffin the Mule." Is it just me or does that sound like the cartoon tale of a rich white girl returning to Connecticut from spring break in Costa Rica with a kilo of dope crammed up her butt? That could be more educational than Dora The Explorer ("¡Hola! Mi llama es Muffin. El kilo es en mi culo. Donde esta American Airlines, por favor?") I'm sure it'll be good. By the way, if you've never read the BBC website for a world view, you should. Go into my Links and I'll take you there. Also..I'm sure I've added a century to my purgatory time by connecting The Lord to the Yahoo Generation. Check out my new homepage and Top This! You'll see what I mean. If you have anything to add to JC's profile, just sign the guestbook. I love hearing from you. In the meantime, get your taxes done and have a good day. Cheers.
Wednesday, March 23rd 2005 - 08:04:05 AM

Reporting in from: The Motor City
ENTRY: Dear Diary,

I went to the wake for John DeLorean last night. A very sad but lovely service. I can't believe no one mentioned it, but I'd never seen a gull-wing casket before. Who knew? It did make the viewing more festive. And faster.
May he rest in peace.
Tuesday, March 22nd 2005 - 09:27:56 AM

Reporting in from: The Concrete Jungle
ENTRY: RANDOM NOTES

CBS is holding *auditions* for houseguests on a new cycle of BIG BROTHER, its hit reality show. Andy Warhol was right. Everyone is getting 15 minutes of fame......Over the weekend, The Pope gave a new meaning to Palm Sunday -- all he did was wave at us. Bless his heart. A couple of weeks ago, I blogged my theory that he was really dead and the Vatican was doing some funky Catholic version of WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S with his body for the network news. We Catholics have no idea who the next leader will be. There's no Vice-Pope or second runner-up. I suggest that the church come into modern times and hop on the reality bandwagon. Pitch this to CBS -- CARDINAL RULES. All the cardinals who are pope-hopefuls have to live together like the contestants on BIG BROTHER. Elements of AMERICAN IDOL and FEAR FACTOR could be blended in. For instance, one Cardinal could be a flaming gay man (now the stock character of every reality show). He could be the one who organizes a House Talent Night. He'll sing a medley of "Like A Virgin," "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves" and "Faith" by George Michael. In one episode, a Cardinal could say, "Look...I know it's Friday and everbody's really hungry, but I cooked all that we had in the house. That's one carrot and a package of hot dogs." Will a Cardinal risk being seen eating a weenie on a Friday night? The fear! The tension! THAT'S good television!

If you watch CBS, you know that there's an ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT spin-off called THE INSIDER that has a host couple at the helm. Pat O'Brien will be off the show for a while because he has checked himself into alcohol rehab. I wish him the best. The show will be hosted solo by his partner, Lara Spencer. That's enough to make me want to start drinking. Heavily.
Snoop Dogg will headline the Roskilde Festival outside of Copenhagen in Denmark. The festival was inspired by Woodstock. Soon Danish folks will be saying "Fa-shizzle." Think about it. After the concert, Snoop will shoot "Little Mermaids Gone Wild" and do his own dubbing for the Danish release of SOUL PLANE.
It's Monday...a new week in a new season. As Big Willy wrote "Once more unto the breach, dear friends. Once more." That's Shakespearian for "Pick yourself, dust yourself off, start all over again." Good luck to us all. Thanks for your attention. Sign the guestbook.
Monday, March 21st 2005 - 08:27:37 AM

Name: Robaire
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: Le Big Apple
ENTRY: O, CANADA!

I have long had a love affair with that land that many of babyboomers call "The Great White North" -- Canada. Look at what it's given us -- the brilliant comedy of SCTV, Peter Jennings, Jim Carrey, excellent beer and terrific movie locations that we clutter up so they'll look like New York City. It's been years since I've visited Canada. I was in Toronto for business a few times and once in Quebec City. I loved those visits! I may be overlooked as just a plain, husky, polite guy here in Manhattan but up there I was made to feel like I was Denzel Washington. My hormones were spinning like those giants teacups at DisneyLand. It was so great to be someplace where good manners are sexy. More Americans should act like they're from Canada, in my opinion. It seems that TOP 5, my Food Network show, has a fan club in Canada. I've heard from some viewers there. A big, warm thank you for all who watch my show. You have no idea how much I appreciate your attention and messages.

During my last trip in Toronto, I had a date with a caterer. Quel' bouef! (Pardon my French.) Thanks again.
Saturday, March 19th 2005 - 08:17:19 AM

Name: Bobby Ziegfeld
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: Broadway
ENTRY: IT'S SHOWTIME!

Note to Broadway producers: You're always trying to juice up revivals with popular celebs to entice ticketbuyers. Well, how about this -- recast CHICAGO with Lil Kim and Michael Jackson in the roles of Roxie and Velma...and sign Robert Blake to play the crooked lawyer, Billy Flynn. Ca-CHING. Don't you think? Or don't you? Have a faaaaaaabulous weekend.
Friday, March 18th 2005 - 09:36:31 AM

Name: Bobby O' Rivers
E-mail address: EMAIL ME!
Reporting in from: The Emerald City
ENTRY: HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

Top o' the morning! Question: Aer Lingus -- is that what can happen if you get lucky with an Irish flight attendant? If you know, sign the guestbook. Now get out there and grab life by the shamrocks.
Thursday, March 17th 2005 - 08:06:05 AM

Reporting in from: Mayberry RFD
ENTRY: GOOD TV: So Close

I'm probably one of the few gay men in Chelsea who really digs cop shows. For me, NYPD BLUE was "must-see" TV. The brilliant Dennis Franz and the rest of the crew have left the force. I'll miss them. Fortunately, THE SHIELD is back on FX. Last night, I watched Glenn Close make her debut as the new captain. How'd she do with the cop role? Oh, baby, Glenn Close collared that bitch and slapped it up against the wall! You totally believed that she had done duty on the mean streets of L.A. She and series star, Michael Chiklis, really connect and she's a hot addition to the cast. Bravo to FX for giving such a juicy role to a 50+ actress.

Speaking of Bravo, I switched over to that cable channel to see PROJECT GREENLIGHT, formerly of HBO. That's the show where film producers Matt Damon and Ben Affleck round up some aspiring screenwriters and they greenlight one script to be filmed. OK, will someone explain this to me -- Julius & Philip Epstein, Betty Comden & Adolph Green, Garson Kanin & Ruth Gordon, Billy Wilder & I.A.L. Diamond, The Coen Brothers...all screenwriting teams that wrote, at least, one hit film and went on to write others. Damon & Affleck wrote GOOD WILL HUNTING (so we're told), got an Oscar for it, and never wrote another script. Why? And why doesn't an entertainment reporter ever ask that? I'm a hardcore Damon fan. As for Affleck, he owes me several hours of my life back for the following:
REINDEER GAMES, PEARL HARBOR, DAREDEVIL, GIGLI, and SURVIVING CHRISTMAS. And that's just a partial list. Couple those dogs with the fact that the last PROJECT GREENLIGHT winner got filmed, opened and went over like Liver McNuggets and I can't understand why he's still got that show. Why the fuck is HE picking scripts? He can't pick a good one for himself! Giving him that show is like giving Charles Manson a line of cutlery to sell on QVC. It's just wrong. I'd pitch a special edition -- PROJECT GREENLIGHT: THE INTERVENTION. I'd have guest stars like Tom Hanks and Johnny Depp drag Ben off that Celebrity Poker show and into an acting class. Then they'd advise him on choosing a script so he won't consider starring in DAREDEVIL 2.

Finally...here's a topic that the Oprah show producers are working on: "Did your husband used to be a woman?" Oh, please...PLEEEEASE let that one be for May "sweeps." I want to see some Midwest surburban woman with her big, burly bear of a husband say, "Carl started working out with a trainer recently. PMS makes him binge on chocolate, so he's put on a few pounds in the last couple of years. It also makes him cranky but I can usually take of that by just taking him shopping for shoes and powertools."

Enjoy your day. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, March 16th 2005 - 09:22:24 AM

Reporting in from: Mayberry RFD
ENTRY: GOOD TV: So Close

I'm probably one of the few gay men in Chelsea who really digs cop shows. For me, NYPD BLUE was "must-see" TV. The brilliant Dennis Franz and the rest of the crew have left the force. I'll miss them. Fortunately, THE SHIELD is back on FX. Last night, I watched Glenn Close make her debut as the new captain. How'd she do with the cop role? Oh, baby, Glenn Close collared that bitch and slapped it up against the wall! You totally believed that she had done duty on the mean streets of L.A. She and series star, Michael Chiklis, really connect and she's a hot addition to the cast. Bravo to FX for giving such a juicy role to a 50+ actress.

Speaking of Bravo, I switched over to that cable channel to see PROJECT GREENLIGHT, formerly of HBO. That's the show where film producers Matt Damon and Ben Affleck round up some aspiring screenwriters and they greenlight one script to be filmed. OK, will someone explain this to me -- Julius & Philip Epstein, Betty Comden & Adolph Green, Garson Kanin & Ruth Gordon, Billy Wilder & I.A.L. Diamond, The Coen Brothers...all screenwriting teams that wrote, at least, one hit film and went on to write others. Damon & Affleck wrote GOOD WILL HUNTING (so we're told), got an Oscar for it, and never wrote another script. Why? And why doesn't an entertainment reporter ever ask that? I'm a hardcore Damon fan. As for Affleck, he owes me several hours of my life back for the following:
REINDEER GAMES, PEARL HARBOR, DAREDEVIL, GIGLI, and SURVIVING CHRISTMAS. And that's just a partial list. Couple those dogs with the fact that the last PROJECT GREENLIGHT winner got filmed, opened and went over like Liver McNuggets and I can't understand why he's still got that show. Why the fuck is HE picking scripts? He can't pick a good one for himself! Giving him that show is like giving Charles Manson a line of cutlery to sell on QVC. It's just wrong. I'd pitch a special edition -- PROJECT GREENLIGHT: THE INTERVENTION. I'd have guest stars like Tom Hanks and Johnny Depp drag Ben off that Celebrity Poker show and into an acting class. Then they'd advise him on choosing a script so he won't consider starring in DAREDEVIL 2.

Finally...here's a topic that the Oprah show producers are working on: "Did your husband used to be a woman?" Oh, please...PLEEEEASE let that one be for May "sweeps." I want to see some Midwest surburban woman with her big, burly bear of a husband say, "Carl started working out with a trainer recently. PMS makes him binge on chocolate, so he's put on a few pounds in the last couple of years. It also makes him cranky but I can usually take of that by just taking him shopping for shoes and powertools."

Enjoy your day. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, March 16th 2005 - 09:22:24 AM

Name: Father Bob
Reporting in from: Garden of Eden
ENTRY: LORD HAVE MERCY

The Vatican has come out against the "shameful and unfounded lies" of the best-seller, The Da Vinci Code, soon to be the basis for a movie starring Tom Hanks. That book is a novel -- like Frankenstein, Gone With The Wind, Valley of the Dolls, and The Bridges of Madison County. In other words, it's a work of invented prose narrative. It's not a research project like Bob Greene's Total Body Makeover. Nonetheless, the Vatican has its holy knickers in a twist. So, we Catholics probably cannot read The Da Vinci Code. We have to stick with The Bible, a good book in which a snake talks to a young woman while its hanging out of a fruit tree. The snake basically says "Hi, Toots. See the naked white dude over there with the foreskin and no navel because he's, like, the first guy ever created? Make him eat one of these apples and see what happens. G'head. God won't care. G'head!"

Why is it that trying to make the Vatican get a clue and come into modern times is like a duck hunting with a rake? But that's just me. What do you think? Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, March 15th 2005 - 09:25:15 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: TOLD YA SO

Jane Pauley. Read the entry under this one. Did I call it or did I call it??? You know I need to be hooked up with a national entertainment news show like that Billy Bush. I'm just too damn good. Don't you think? Sign the guestbook -- have have a groovy-licious Monday.
Monday, March 14th 2005 - 08:23:02 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SMALL SCREEN SCENE

So I'm watching the local CBS 2 news Friday evening and I hear that someone's coming on to do a film review. Yep..someone about to do the kind of work I've been pestering my agent to help me get since last July. Jess Cagle, a nationally-known entertainment columnist and a popular piece of eye-candy, got the gig. I hear that he's a good guy, so more power to him. Jess reviewed THE UPSIDE OF ANGER as "..a light family comedy." For one brief moment, I became Samuel L. Jackson. I looked at the TV screen and snapped, "Bitch! You must be out yo' mind!!!" Scroll down to read my review of that same flick and you'll understand why.
A couple of nights ago, I rented a DVD of THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES. That foreign film took the Oscar for Best Song last month. That foreign film should've been nominated for Best Picture. It's more substantial than THE AVIATOR. What a beautiful, moving piece of work. You see a young Che Guevara find his spirit as he travels from his aristocratic family and connects to the poor, the sick, and the oppressed in the country around him. He and a best buddy take a road trip. Both make the same journey but with different experiences. Che will be inspired with a purpose that will ultimately make him a legend. Check it out.
Speaking of aristocracy, didn't you love how Martha Stewart controlled and color-coordinated the footage of her first day back at home from prison? When she went outside to feed her horses, she had a visual fashion statement of the rich that always amuses me.
She was wearing an expensive winter jacket and, outside of it around her neck, she casually tied an expensive sweater as an accessory. Just last month she was probably washing dishes with some low-income bull dyke who was an accessory to a cold-blooded murder and robbery. Now she's wearing an expensive sweater as an accessory. The rich are sooooo different from you and me.
I hear that THE JANE PAULEY SHOW got the ax from NBC. Don't know if it's true...but that's what I heard. Maybe Martha will take her place. Well, that's all for now. It's Saturday. Enjoy your weekend. "It's a good thing." And sign the guestbook. Lemme know that someone's reading this. Also..don't forget to scroll down and read my review for new Kevin Costner alleged comedy. I don't blame him. I blame the writer/director.

Saturday, March 12th 2005 - 08:11:33 AM

Reporting in from: NYCity
ENTRY: THE UPSIDE OF ANGER

I like Kevin Costner. I like Joan Allen. If you do too, you may be interested in their new movie. I bet some hightone source like The New York Times will write a review that comes off like a psychology profile, so let Bobbo break it down for you: Costner and Allen give terrific performances in a film that sucks.

It's called THE UPSIDE OF ANGER. I wanted to go upside the writer's head with a skillet. It could've been called TWO ALCOHOLICS HUMPING. Peter Travers of Rolling Stone magazine wrote that it's "...a fiercely funny" family comedy. He must've been drinking when he wrote that. Joan's a bitter, middle-aged woman whose husband has left their upscale Michigan home, marriage and family of four daughters who range from sweet to clueless to just downright annoying. Their sharp-tongued, loud mom goes to the supermarket. The first thing on her list is three bottles of Grey Goose vodka. For herself. The girls are left to figure out how to do "mom" things like roast a chicken for dinner. One of the babe daughters wants to be a TV news reporter but you never see her watch a newscast or even read so much as a magazine cover. But she does have killer tits which land her a radio job as a production assistant. She's promoted to producer in about a week and dates her short, weasly, horny boss.

How did she get hooked up with the radio job? Their neighbor is a retired mess of a baseball player who has a talkshow. He deserved stardom but it never came. So he does Detroit radio on a typical breakfast of a few beers and a joint. When he meets the vodka-soaked, suddenly single mom, it's a Betty Ford Love Connection. The action begins with one daughter giving a voiceover during a funeral. We have to go back in time because we don't know who died. You'll wish the screenwriter did. Every family has its loopiness and unexpected changes. James L. Brooks realized that brilliantly with TERMS OF ENDEARMENT. But, if you come from a severely dysfunctional unit, you know that dealing with an irresponsible parent(s) forces you to put your childhood on hold. Why am I such a nice guy? Because, by the time I was in the 3rd grade, my weight-lifter father had ordered me to strip naked so he could whip me with a belt for not taking out the trash when he told me to. He was a secret drinker. My mother had no regard for anyone's personal boundaries and that threw family finances into a tailspin. She repeatedly confided in me that she knew in its first year that marriage to dad was a mistake. So, she brought two more kids after me into their loveless marriage of 13 years to fill her emotional void. It didn't.
I've been a nice middle-aged guy ever since I was 10. It's my survival skill. The point is -- that's not comedy. When the pain and anger are that intense and dark, it's not funny. In POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE, the mother and daughter have their addictions, but it's a comedy because you see that their love of each other is stronger than drugs or drink. You see their strengths. In THE UPSIDE OF ANGER, that mother would kick her kids to the curb for a free cocktail. Plus, she's bringing another drunk into the house to spend the night.

One last thing -- a ladyfriend asked me years ago if Kevin Costner is *gifted*. (For some strange reason, straight women in New York City think that every gay man has a print-out of penile reports on all Hollywood actors.) I told her that I didn't know. She and a couple of her girlfriends saw TIN CUP and couldn't take their eyes off Kevin's crotch. I never saw TIN CUP but, in this new flick, I saw what she meant. At times, it looks like he's smuggling another can of beer. Just like Oprah, he makes 50 look good. If we're lucky, we'll see Kevin Costner and Joan Allen paired up again in something better. Much better. Have a good weekend. Sign the guestbook.

Friday, March 11th 2005 - 08:42:13 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: POOR MICHAEL

On local ABC news Thursday evening, reporter Carla Wohl was describing the morning court hearing in the Michael Jackson case. During a break, after a boy gave more very damaging testimony, Wohl said that the music superstar left the courtroom "...and looked unusually pale."

Carla, honey, Michael Jackson has looked unusually pale for the last ten years.
Thursday, March 10th 2005 - 05:01:25 PM

Reporting in from: Fun City
ENTRY: BROADWAY REVIEW

My buddy, entertainment columnist David Noh, invited me to be his guest to see the new Broadway musical GOOD VIBRATIONS. A cast of young unknowns plays high school seniors who graduate and take a road trip from the East Coast to the West Coast in the 1960s, with a focus on the smart girl who has a crush on the popular jock. That plot allows them to perform two acts of classic tunes by The Beach Boys. How did that show wind up on Broadway? Let me use a Beach Boys song title -- "God Only Knows." Never before has a road trip musical made me wish for the sudden appearance of a drunk driver. If GOOD VIBRATIONS was a revue at a Hard Rock Cafe, I'd say that it's excellent. But this is a highly-promoted Broadway show with expensive tickets and cheap set decorations. I sat in that audience watching the show with the same expression on my face that the little boy had watching the videotape in THE RING. I was hypnotized by the awfulness of it.

I don't blame the actors. They did the best they could with a bad book, dull staging and even duller choreography. They're obviously set in the 60s, but they're dressed like they're on American Idol. I was a youngster in L.A. in the 60s. I heard Beach Boys music on the radio and saw constant California Dreamin' teen images on local television. I know we're in an age of diversity, but jet black husky bald bruthas did not dream of waxing a surfboard and shootin' the curls back then. They dreamed of keeping their black asses from being shot up in Viet Nam. And perky blondes in families that belonged to a country club did not use words like "booty." At that time, only Blacks, Hispanics and poor White folks who lived in the 'hood used words like "booty," "ho," and "chittlins." That's just the way it was. Ya know...my agent really should be trying to hook me up with a review gig on TV, don't you think? Sometimes my writing is so sassy that I just want to spank myself. Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, March 10th 2005 - 08:59:52 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SCARY PIC OF THE DAY

From the entertainment section of www.bbcnews.com. Mr. Jackson looks like Blacula and Michael looks like Winona Ryder after she shoplifted a new wardrobe from the men's department of Macy's. You know that Michael's basic dysfunction stems from that mean-lookin' daddy of his and his mother who is really the Queen of Denial. Childhood is the blueprint for the rest of your life. Now read the entry below this one for some observations on TV viewing today.

Wednesday, March 9th 2005 - 11:47:15 AM

 

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: TV or NOT TV? THAT IS THE QUESTION

Remember Tonya Harding? She's back in the news today doing another trailer park publicity stunt. She's going to box a transvestite. I'm sure you'll see a clip of the press conference on your local sportscast. There are two surprises: a) they actually found a tranny willing to humiliate herself by appearing with Tonya and b) Tonya's appearance. She could only be on ice now in your local supermarket if she was stamped by the USDA. The former Nancy Kerrigan Sk8r H8r looks like she spent the last few years grazing in a Wisconsin pasture.

"What's the frequency, Kenneth?" Years ago, some wacko asked that of Dan Rather then, I think, punched him in public. Dan signs off the CBS Evening News tonight after 24 years. Then he salutes himself in a primetime special about one hour later. In both decades that I watched Dan, I always found myself saying the same thing -- "Damn. I sure do miss Walter Cronkite." Later on tonight, ABC's Prime Time Live is devoting most of its hour to spotlighting a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model who survived the December tsunami. If the survivor was a hearty, middle-aged woman like actress Kathy Bates, do you think she'd be getting that spotlight? Hmmmmmm. Our hearts go out to the supermodel who lost her boyfriend but why does network news infer that tragedy is not really tragedy unless it happens to the young and photogenic?

A blond member of the police force becomes blinded on duty but stays on the job despite his disability. I just described LONGSTREET, a TV series starring the late hotty James Franciscus that I used to watch when I was a kid. Don't think BLIND JUSTICE on ABC is really that original a twist on a cop show. There's a new member of the "Get Over Yourself" club on another new series. A very reliable on-the-set source told me that a certain triple-threat actress gave orders that none of the background actors was to ask her about her sitcom or Broadway work. Maybe she should've survived the tsunami too. She might be a little kinder towards those making way less money and not getting special treatment like she does. There ought to be a law against stars making orders like that.

Back in 1990, all of us on-air veejays on VH1 were informed that the new management was not renewing any of our contracts. We kind of expected that. When new execs begin statements with "Our research shows..." that's a clue to clear out your desk. Roger Rose, a comic actor, went back to L.A., Rosie O'Donnell went on to movie and TV fame and I did a couple of gameshow pilots. There was one perky, popular Texas deb who was a veejay and lived for dates with cute boys. She also loved soap operas and had her own VH1 interview show called "Soap Dish," on which she chatted with stars of daytime dramas. She was the first one to book a gig right after being informed that her veejay days were ending. She got a job as a news anchor in Pennsylvania. Roger, whose father and brother were very respected journalists, said with all due respect, "How can you be a news anchor? You don't pay attention to the news. You never even read a daily paper here in the studio." She smiled, gave a flip of her golden locks and said, "They'll tell me what I need to know." Today, she's a morning network co-host on Fox News. And her VH1 years are not on her bio. I guess she was right....they told her what she needed to know.

And, finally, here's another note to Ricardo: The Black Bottom was a dance craze in the 1920s. It is NOT what some folks used to call the husband of Star Jones on Fire Island. Just stop it! And sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, March 9th 2005 - 07:56:38 AM

Reporting in from: nyc
ENTRY: BROADCAST NEWS

So I'm watching the local 5:00 news on Ch. 5 this evening. The story being covered was about two middle-aged Latino men who claimed racial discrimination in their recent firing as very longtime building superintendents. They were replaced with 20something Yugoslavians. When describing one of the suddenly unemployed men, the reporter said in her voiceover: "He was physically and emotionally heartbroken."

Let's just think about that one, shall we? The answers to my Oscar quiz are posted in the Top This! section. If you don't sign the guestbook, I will be physically and emotionally heartbroken.
Monday, March 7th 2005 - 05:39:25 PM

Name: Ranger Bob
Reporting in from: Jellystone National Park
ENTRY: WHITE FOLKS DONE LOST THEIR MINDS: The Apes of Wrath

If you saw some national news yesterday or log onto www.latimes.com today, you know that chimps mauled a very middle-aged white couple in Southern California. If you scroll down to my entry "Fast & Furry-ous," you'll read about the married man in Wisconsin whose wife had to rush him to the hospital because the de-scented skunk he insisted on raising in their suburban house, against her wishes, got tired of his teasing and bit down on his johnson right through his sweatpants. Then there was the tiger attack on half of Siegfried & Roy. On that story, all the network newsfolks called the attack "a tragedy." With all due respect, the real tragedy was that two grown-ass men, living together, would come up with the idea to buy a tiger, dress it up like Carol Channing and put it onstage in a place where people serve cocktails. THAT'S the real tragedy. I still think that there was something funky going on in that house. I bet if a pet therapist had a session with that animal, held up a Tony the Tiger doll and said, "Where did the naughty man touch you, Coco?", that big cat would've broke down crying like a crack ho in church on Easter Sunday.

Mr. & Mrs. Davis in West Covina, California are in their early 60s. They obviously paid no attention to the chimp scene in the opening of the babyboomer classic 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. Or the original KING KONG, for that matter. They decided to keep a chimp in their house. Not a cute, little monkey like the kind that makes you laugh at the zoo, but a male chimp -- a primate that, although short, has upper strength five times that of the average human. That strength is needed to survive the jungle, its natural habitat. It's way more than enough strength needed to survive sitting on a couch and watching Tom Brokaw. Mr. & Mrs. Davis raised Moe as their "son" -- their word. Relocating Moe from Tanzania, they trained him to wear clothes, take showers and watch television. They treated him like he was their child -- a big, hairy child who could eat produce with his feet. Unfortunately, they had to place Moe in a sanctuary after he bit a woman in 1977. Kids do the darnedest things.

Mr. & Mrs. Davis drove to the sanctuary to celebrate Moe's 39th birthday. As they were cutting the cake, two other male chimps escaped their cages and went gangsta on them. Mr. Davis was critically injured, Mrs. Davis escaped with a minor injury, the chimps were destroyed, and so was the cake. I pray he pulls out of his critical condition, but what the fuck was that man thinking?!?! There he was, dressing up a chimp like it was Little Ricky on I LOVE LUCY and network newsanchors want to know why the chimps attacked? To them, it was probably just the animal kingdom's version of a civil rights protest. By the way, do you know how many homeless children right there in Southern California don't get a birthday cake or a nice place to shower and watch TV? Some of the money that The Davises spent on Moe could've gone to a better use. But that's just me. Enjoy your weekend..and thanks to all of you who've signed the guestbook.
Saturday, March 5th 2005 - 11:21:57 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: THE WEIGH WE WERE: Kirstie Gets Biggy With It

Yesterday, I went to see my doctor. Nothing's wrong. It's just that...
a) It was time for a check-up
b) That's the only way I can get a handsome guy my age to look at me and say, "Go in the other room and take off your clothes." I'm proud to report that I've lost 5 lbs since my previous visit. Fortunately for me, some of my doctor's other patients are also neurotic, under-employed actors. As a result, he's developed a high degree of tolerance for questions like this --
Him: "Bob, you're at that age where I'd recommend getting a colonoscopy. I've had one. It's a totally painless and simple procedure. A very tiny camera is inserted into your rectum and it scans your colon to make sure that everything's ok."
Me: "Oh. Afterwards, could I get some of the footage for my demo reel?"
Him: ".......................................................No."

Before my physical, all I'd eaten yesterday was half a cantaloupe. So, by the time I got to the party after Showtime's premiere screening of Kirstie Alley's FAT ACTRESS, I was really hungry. The premiere episode was screened at the Clearview movie theater here in Chelsea. The star was present and, of course, the screening began late. A Showtime exec took to the microphone and told the packed house, "Kirstie Alley is here but she's still outside." The man next to me whispered, "She probably can't fit through the front door." Gentlemen, start your engines. A few minutes later, she entered and we were all surprised. She's dropped about 20 lbs and looks great. Now..we Black and Latino men have noooooooooo problem whatsoever with a few extra pounds, no matter which league we're batting in. Personally, Tom Hanks shirtless and burly making a fire in CAST AWAY is a lot hotter to me than skinny Orlando Bloom. The Black appreciation for a little "junk in the trunk" provides one of the funniest sitcom scenes I've seen in years. Yes, just like Kirstie's appearance in person, the premiere episode was also a surprise. I expected to hate it. She is a delicious mess in FAT ACTRESS. Kirstie Alley lampoons and reinvents herself, from the opening scene where she stands on a scale and hits the floor in a crying jag because the number looks like her zip code to the totally narcissistic TV star conclusion back where the story started. She also satirizes sexism and racism in network television. Her "jungle fever" bedroom scene is right up there with Lucy Ricardo getting drunk on VitaMeataVegamin, the funeral service for Chuckles the Clown on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" or Jerry Seinfeld being "king of the castle." The bedroom scene is a TV comedy classic.

You'd think that a party for a show called FAT ACTRESS would have good food and plenty of it, right? Wrong!! You could've found more snacks in Mary-Kate & Ashley's refrigerator. Showtime put us all on the Jenny Craig plan whether we liked it or not. The party was held at VENTO, trendy new restaurant on 14th Street that used to be a safe sex club for gay & bi men called J's. That still freaks me out. Back in the day, you could go there, have a beer and see a hot guy in a codpiece. Now you go there for a hot piece of cod. The Village has become a mall. Our party was in the downstairs lounge. A former Miramax exec asked me if the history of that place was true. "You betcha," I said. "In fact, these floorboards have enough DNA stored in them to form a new Third World nation. Think about it."

Only in New York. FAT ACTRESS premieres this coming Monday night on Showtime. I gotta go get something to eat. Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, March 3rd 2005 - 09:57:38 AM

Name: Ranger Bob
Reporting in from: Animal Planet
ENTRY: FAST AND FURRY-OUS

Only in Wisconsin -- the state I lived in for a decade. Carol Infalt warned her husband, Dan, about buying a de-scented baby skunk to have as a housepet. Dan bought the critter anyway and named it Ozzie. When Ozzie grew up, Carol warned Dan about roughhouse playing with an animal that, although de-scented, had fangs. Do big, burly men in Wisconsin ever listen to their wives? Not many. There was Dan, teasing the skunk and showing off for their three kids, when Ozzie decided "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

The skunk lunged and bit down on Dan's penis -- right through his sweatpants and right in front of the three Infalt children. A Kodak moment, if ever there was one. Dan had to be rushed to the nearest suburban hospital. A warden from the Department of Natural Resources had to come over, as the incident involved an irritated animal. Mr. Infalt is fine. Embarrassed, but fine. Everything's intact. The story made today's Milwaukee papers. I pray, deep in my heart, that Mrs. Inhalt said four little words to her bone-headed husband in the hospital: "I told you so."

The skunk had to be euthanized by the warden so it could be tested for possible rabies. No sign of rabies was found. Ozzie the skunk's last words were, "It tasted just like chicken."

Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, March 1st 2005 - 03:37:33 PM

Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: Dear Diary:

Personally, I think that the Pope passed away a couple of weeks ago and the cardinals in Vatican City are just doing a really funky update on WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S. But that's just me.
Tuesday, March 1st 2005 - 06:58:27 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: FOXX ROXX!!!!

My good buddy John in New Joisey put it best: "There IS a God and he saw Jamie Foxx in RAY!!" What a great way to wind-up Black History Month. Even though Oprah did stand in expensive high heels on her show and proclaim, "Go get your Oscar, Leo!" as her review for THE AVIATOR, I sat home thinking "Girrrrl, did you not see Jamie in RAY? Has your workout trainer denied you so many carbs that you just can't see sheer brilliance anymore? Get some cornbread and get real!"
But then again, also raved about CATWOMAN. I still love me some Oprah though and I can't wait to see what she says to Jamie on her show today.

Jamie Foxx now joins a list of excellent actors who first got our national attention on TV comedies, but got their Oscars for dramatic work -- Sally Field as "Gidget" and "The Flying Nun," Tom Hanks on "Bosom Buddies," Ron Howard on "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Happy Days," Robin Williams on "Mork & Mindy." Jamie graduated from "In Living Color" and "The Jamie Foxx Show," a smart, upscale sitcom that got no publicity attention from the three morning networks that all want to talk to him today. Now cable channels will yank out those early, lame movies that Jamie made to pay the rent -- like his small role in the 1992 Robin Williams flop TOYS and, years later, BOOTY CALL. Hey, an actor's gotta do what an actor's gotta do. I auditioned for TOYS. The part I tested for went to LL Cool J. Thank goodness. I was so proud of Jamie Foxx last night that I started crying as he walked up to accept his Oscar.

As for some of the rest of the show...Morgan Freeman -- it's about damn time! And New School Hollywood needs to take a tip from Old School pros like him. He thanked "everbody involved" with the making of MILLION DOLLAR BABY. Hilary Swank seemed like she was trying to name them all individually. Honey, nobody cares about the key grip and your accountant. Send them a muffin basket. She deserves her second Oscar. It's a great performance in a great film.

Why did Scorcese lose? THE AVIATOR is technically dazzling but it has no soul. It's not a masterpiece like RAGING BULL or GOODFELLAS. Eastwood took us on an amazing emotional journey through the human spirit for way less money and no hoopla like the movies many of us grew up with -- THE MIRACLE WORKER, TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD and A PATCH OF BLUE. That's what I think the academy loved. The academy loves Scorcese but, I feel, it hates that Harvey Weinstein ended every year with his Big Picture Release Destined to be Best Picture after weeks of aggressive campaigning following the nomination he expected. He kind of turned the Best Picture category into a high school election -- and he always sat with the kids at the cool table, so you had to vote for him. Think back -- you know he expected a Best Picture nomination for COLD MOUNTAIN but it didn't happen. Clint kept it simple. Like good jazz. MILLION DOLLAR BABY winning Best Picture is a triumph of Old School Art vs New School Marketing. Chris Rock as host? He makes me laugh out loud. There was so much controversy about him getting that gig. As if he was going to get up and talk dirty. The show was a bit on the tame side, but he kept it moving and mainstream enough for the FCC. I give Chris Rock 3 Stars -- I'd have given him 4 Stars if he would've said "...and now, My Nigga, the extraordinary Martin Scorcese!!!" But that's just me. What a relief not having to sit through Billy Crystal in 2005 doing 1985 schtick written by Bruce Vilanch.

One very touching theme of gratitude was thanks to parental figures. Clint Eastwood's mother was sitting right behind him in the audience. He thanked her. Hilary Swank that her wonderful mother. THAT's a woman who should interviewed today. They lived in a trailer park. Her mother was a single working mother with a little bit o' money who put the family in a car and left Washington State to move to LA to help her daughter make her dream of being an actress come true. Look what happened. Jamie Foxx tearfully thanked his late, supportive grandmother. Honestly, I was bit jealous. From my VH1 days in the late 80s to HBO work in the 90s to Food Network repeats today, my mother never ever subscribed to cable so she could watch me on TV even though I spent 15 years paying off her mortgage and sending her spending money. That's why the new house scene in MILLION DOLLAR BABY makes me weep like a baby. That's showbiz. I love the Oscars. Make me feel like a winner..and sign the guestbook.
Monday, February 28th 2005 - 08:52:48 AM

Name: Bobbo
Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: MY TOP 5 BOBBO FILM AWARDS FOR 2004

Since I can't seem to book myself a gig reviewing movies or covering entertainment the way it needs to be covered on television, I shall continue to blog my way as a John the Baptist of show biz -- screaming in a cultural desert until someone gets a clue. I shall now add to your awards show fatigue with my own Top 5 list:

5. The "Who Knew?" Bobbo goes to: Director Oliver Stone. You get a pale, slim actor from Ireland to dye his hair blond and play an ancient Greek warrior named ALEXANDER. Filmgoers prefer MEET THE FOKKERS because it's more credible, shorter, and more entertaining. Gee...who knew?

4. The "Best Movie Kiss" Bobbo goes to: Liam Neeson as KINSEY. When the married doctor's hormones get carbonated by his male assistant during a research project, he's on that dude's lips like Star Jones on a plate of babyback ribs.

3. The "Biggest Oversight" Bobbo goes to: It's a tie! Mick Jagger for not getting a Best Song nomination. The excellent tunes he wrote for the remake of ALFIE were the only memorable things about the movie (aside from Jude Law's wardrobe). Mick ties with actor Paul Giamatti -- he wasn't nominated this year for SIDEWAYS. He wasn't nominated last year for AMERICAN SPLENDOR.

2. The "Best Reason to Repossess a Previously Awarded Oscar" Bobbo goes to: Ben Affleck for SURVIVING CHRISTMAS, JERSEY GIRL...and for being engaged to Jennifer Lopez.

1. The "Best Performance by an Actor Who Claims He's Straight Even Though He Directed Himself Singing and Dancing in a Musical Bio That He Dedicated to His Mother in the Closing Credits" Bobbo goes to: Kevin Spacey as Bobby Darin in BEYOND THE SEA. The horror....the horror. What's next, Kev? THE BARRY MANILOW STORY?

Got your own Bobbo Awards? Sign the guestbook...and check out my homepage for a quirky Oscar® quiz. If you need to download a list of nominees for your Oscar party pool, check my links page. Who loves ya? Bobbo does. (How come I'm not invited to your party?!?!?!?!?)
Friday, February 25th 2005 - 08:19:28 AM

Reporting in from: Hollywood-on-the-Hudson
ENTRY: OSCAR BUZZ

OK....I know that Oprah stood onstage and exclaimed, "Go get your Oscar, Leo!" when Mr. DiCaprio was on her show and promoting THE AVIATOR. I was watching the show that day. I saw it. However, I am still stunned at the performance Jamie Foxx gave in RAY. There were times when I thought, "Is that Jamie or is that real-life footage of Ray Charles in performance?" BruthaMan was absolutely brilliant. Leonardo DiCaprio does deserve the nomination he got, but when his character really starts to go demented in the last 45 minutes, THE AVIATOR kinda becomes WHAT'S EATING HOWARD HUGHES? I thought, "Oooh...there's Leo looking like The UniBomber and being a retard." But that's just me. I have such reverence and respect for the performance Foxx gave. I think the Academy will give him the Hollywood Gold. I hope so. What do you think? Sign the guestbook. Oh! Check out my new homepage and try my Academy Awards quiz in the TOP THIS! section. I'm sure it's one of the few Oscar trivia quizzes to include sex toys. Yep...I live in my own little world. But, that's okay...they know me there.
Thursday, February 24th 2005 - 12:00:26 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: DE-KLINE OF MOVIE MUSICALS

I like musicals. I have to -- I'm gay, it's the law. Cole Porter wrote brilliant songs for Broadway and Hollywood. Some of his best work was introduced by icons such as Fred Astaire, Judy Garland and Ethel Merman. I rented the DVD of the Cole Porter movie bio starring Kevin Kline that came out last year. It's called DE-LOVELY, the title of a Porter tune. It's DE-BORING. I don't care if Gene Shalit and Roger Ebert did say it's great. If I was reviewing movies on TV, I would've said "Anytime a gay man wants to fast forward through a film full of showtunes, baby your movie is in big trouble."

Porter was a rich, sophisticated man who married a lovely society dame even though he was really into men. When he wrote, "You're The Top," he wasn't kidding. But the wife loved and stayed faithful until she died. Both his legs are crippled for life as the result of a horseriding accident. So, before tragedy hits, we've got Kevin Kline, not exactly a box office draw or the most charismatic movie actor, writing songs and chasing hot boytoys while Ashley Judd delivers her frustrated wife lines like she's in a Lifetime TV movie that had only one rehearsal. But here's the hook: it opens with the old, disabled, bald widower in a theater ready to review the rough cut of his movie bio. Kline looks like Humpty Dumpty. The movie is full of actors known to Broadway theatregoers. Bless their hearts for getting film work, but did not one of the producers say, "Why will Mainstream America want to sit through a hightone movie with unfamiliar faces about a brilliant but self-absorbed theatre queen cheating on his wife with all sorts of young male poontang until a horse falls on him and then he's alone trying to write showtunes on crutches?" Plus, the musical numbers range from pleasantly bland to being in the same category as "The French Mistake" number in BLAZING SADDLES.

If you want to see a royal treatment of King Cole, rent KISS ME, KATE -- the movie version of his greatest Broadway hit -- and BROADWAY MELODY OF 1940. That one has the famous, awesome Fred Astaire tap number to a swingin' rendition of "Beguine the Beguine." You'll see how those classics got it right and how DE-LOVELY got it wrong.
Thursday, February 24th 2005 - 11:13:56 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: WHAT A RACK

I had to go to a drugstore today and, while shopping, I walked over to the magazine rack. Paris Hilton is on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Now...we know that more men have entered that Hilton than the one overlooking Grant Park in Chicago, but is that a sport? She has put the "ho" in "show business."

She's got a porno DVD out, a hit TV show that airs in the network family hour and she's gracing the cover of respectable magazines. Hell, America, we are wasting her talents!!! Obviously, she's got some voodoo hootchie that could make Osama bin Laden pop out of his hole like a groundhog on February the 2nd. We need to use Paris Hilton in the War Against Terrorism. Our Pentagon should put her in that Sports Illustrated bikini, ship her to Baghdad and make that bitch a Weapon of Ass Destruction. Study your history, Mr. President. When Kruschev was running Russia, he didn't care for the USA. But President Kennedy had access to something Nikita really wanted to see up close -- Marilyn Monroe. If Paris is gonna take work away from real actors and writers, then draft her into public service and let her do her country some good.

Other than that, I think her spot as one of the America's top celebrities at the moment is a definite sign of the approaching apocaplyse -- like 2-headed dogs walking backwards...or Ben Affleck getting another major movie deal.

But that's just me. What do you think? Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, February 22nd 2005 - 02:05:28 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: UP IN SMOKE

There was a report on CBS' Sunday Morning today that our president may have smoked a joint back in his youth. Reportedly, someone secretly tape recorded him talking about having done the weed deed.

Personally, I think he should do one again. Soon. W needs a joint the size of a kayak to just mellow him the fuck out. But that's just me.

Enjoy your Sunday. Food Network is repeating one of my Top 5 specials today at 4pm ET/PT. I'm talking about Chocolate Delights. I wish someone would talk about me like I was a chocolate delight. Oh well. Sign the guestbook.
Sunday, February 20th 2005 - 09:19:28 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: FOR FELLOW NEW YORKERS

Is it just me, or when Mayor Bloomberg gets irritated, does he sound just like Corky St. Clair in WAITING FOR GUFFMAN? Listen to him today on the news at a press conference. It's like, at any minute, he's going to blurt out, "I hate you and I hate your ass face!"

More later. Bundle up and keep warm.
Friday, February 18th 2005 - 08:18:12 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: The Dave Price Is Right

Just let me vent -- this is for you fans, friends and fellow entertainers here in Tri-State area: I ran into a very reliable source last night who told me what CBS' Dave Price was making in his second year at my alma mater, "Good Day New York" on Fox 5. Reportedly, when he was a local weatherman, he was making $7,000 a week. Net.

That's how much he got for standing in the studio, acting like he was on Pee Wee's Playhouse, and telling you to take an umbrella. And he got a local Emmy. When I was in my fourth year on that same Fox show, I had a part-time job because I wasn't even taking home $7,000 a month as on-air talent who also researched, wrote and produced all his own taped features in addition to writing comedy bits for his outdoor liveshots. And I've never been nominated for a local Emmy in my life.

Ya know, I love being a television performer but that's the kind of inequality that makes me think I should've learned how to operate a forklift. What do you think? Sign the guestbook. And now it's time for me to move on.
Thursday, February 17th 2005 - 09:19:33 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Sur-Reality TV

Let's watch the spin that come out of NBC's PR department on Wednesday. A contestant on one of its new reality shows killed himself.
Tuesday, February 15th 2005 - 07:04:30 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: OUR LADY OF FATIMA

I was a Catholic kid who learned the legends of miracles in parochial gradeschool. If you were too, then you know the story of the three peasant children in Portugal who saw visions of the Virgin Mary. Sister Lucia, nearly 100, and the only surviving member of the trio died this week. I read the small obit in yesterday's New York Daily News. It was many pages into the edition and right before sports and the auto ads. When the Pope was just beginning his papalcy, he wanted to meet Sister Lucia. I clearly remember their handshake getting a live close-up on all the major networks. Yesterday, she was practically right next to a Hyundai ad. If you check out the my new links, log onto the BBC News. The Brits gave her some frontpage respect. Many years ago, a lot of people didn't believe that a poor little girl really saw the Blessed Virgin Mary. Today, America is run by a president who believes that Jesus talks to him more than he talks to Democrats.

Oy. Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, February 15th 2005 - 11:48:14 AM

Name: Bobby L'Amour
Reporting in from: LoveLand
ENTRY: WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS LOVE...

sweet love! Happy Valentine's Day, all you Bobby's bLogophiles. Big bearhugz. Do I have plans tonight? Nope. One of the most frustrating things about males in Manhattan's gay community is that men my age are seldom attracted to men my age. They're usually a bunch of old dogs trying to pick up new tricks. Oh, well. Anyway, I hope someone shows YOU some love today and that you get to squeeze more than just your morning orange juice.

Did you see The Grammys last night? Damn, what a great show! Queen Latifah lookin' fabulous, Jamie Foxx singing a salute to Ray Charles, Melissa Etheridge singing a salute to Janis Joplin, Jennifer Lopez singing off-key. It was all more memorable and surprising than the SuperBowl. I get three hours of national facetime this weekend thanks to Food Network repeats. Scroll down to "Shameless Self-Promotion" to read all about it...then send me a valentine, sweetiepie.

How? Sign the guestbook. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Monday, February 14th 2005 - 07:56:16 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

Sometimes I feel like my career is right out of a Carrie Fisher novel. Here's one of those loopy ironies that makes you just have to laugh at show biz. As most of you may know, I'm in one of those valleys that hits every entertainment career. TOP 5 was taken out of production last June, I started jobhunting in July and have only had two auditions since then. TOP 5 wasn't cancelled, mind you, just taken out of production to make room for newer shows.

Well..I'm kind of making a comeback this coming weekend. My one-hour special, TOP 5: CHOCOLATE DELIGHTS airs Saturday at 5p et/pt and on Sunday at 4p et/pt. As it that's not enough, there's a special Presidents' Day pair of TOP 5 shows airing this coming Saturday night from 10-11p et/pt. I'm getting three hours of national facetime holding up food products, but I can't get a commercial audition in New York City. Ain't that a trip? (Think of actress Suzanne Vale in the movie POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE, clutching a fake high-rise window ledge and whining, "Help me.")

So, starting on Feb. 19th, if you need some afternoon delight with chocolate...either call me at home...or look for me on Food Network. Sign the guestbook.
Sunday, February 13th 2005 - 06:45:07 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: MY FAVORITE HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

From Reuters: Entertainment --
"Actor Tom Sizemore Fails Drugs Test with Fake Penis"

Well, you know what they say, there are no small parts.. only small actors.

Thank God it's Friday.
Friday, February 11th 2005 - 07:12:13 PM

Name: Capt A-bob
Reporting in from: The Atlantic
ENTRY: I said, "All hands on DECK!"

The wave of reality shows just seems to be getting bigger and bigger. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water comes another one. I was walking through Chelsea, the now-overpriced gay epicenter of Manhattan, and I was handed a postcard by a young dude in front of a coffeeshop. The card is an invite to a reality show casting call Saturday in the Village. Yep...let's think about those words: "reality show casting call." What a world, what a world.

Anyway, it reads "Casting gay singles, couples and their friends for the all-expense paid trip of a lifetime! The creators of MTV's THE REAL WORLD and Fox's THE SIMPLE LIFE are teaming up with LOGO, the world's first gay network, to present THE CRUISE." The creators are seeking:
--couples trying to rekindle a romance in trouble
--couples wishing to stage a marriage ceremony or celebrate an anniversary
--a "June/December" romance
--couples having their parents meet the partner for the first time
--singles who just 'came out'
--and friends with a secret crush on each other.
Plus, when you drop that fact that straight friends are also welcomed to apply, is there any doubt that hilarity will ensue. Oh, puh-leeze.
Just to piss those people off, I should show up tomorrow in some big ol' swimming trunks that say "Thar She Blows." If you're interested, the casting call is Saturday from 10-5:30 here in downtown Manhattan.
Log onto www.LogoOnline.com or
www.bunim-murray.com.

You just know the first show will have some flaming queen making Moby Dick jokes.
Friday, February 11th 2005 - 03:28:57 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: FIDDLER ON THE ROOF

You have to really love theatre nowadays to buy an orchestra ticket to a Broadway show. $100 a pop. But I support Harvey Fierstein and wanted the see him take over the role of Tevye in the revival of FIDDLER ON THE ROOF. I never thought I'd see Harve in bed with a woman onstage -- but I did in that play. Personally, I think the role is a good fit for him. You don't have to be a great singer to do it, but you need a big personality and a very tough, paternal attitude. Years ago, I interviewed Harvey but WNBC wouldn't let me air it because my two former bosses had "..a problem with him being openly gay." Even though they never saw the interview. Harve already had two Tony awards then and had even been a guest on SESAME STREET. He was promoting MRS. DOUBTFIRE at the time. Such were the early 90s in local news. One of the things we talked about was his frustration with his ex-agent. They would only submit him for a role if the character was openly gay, as he is. That was not at all helping him as an actor. He wanted to do other roles and exercise different acting muscles, like he's doing onstage right now with Andrea Martin as his wife.

My only criticism of the production is that I look more like a Jew that the actresses playing his daughters. Not to be stereotypical, but some Jewish girls living on a poor farm in the Ukraine in the early 1900s should not look like they just walked in from the cast of THE O.C. on Fox. But that's just me. Otherwise, I'm glad I spent the money.

Shalom. Sign the guestbook.
Friday, February 11th 2005 - 01:16:51 PM

Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: TODAY IN HISTORY, FEB. 11TH

On this day in 1990, anti-apartheid activist Nelson Mandela was freed from a South African prison after 27 years. 27 years!!!!!!!

But when he got home, he couldn't take one more day of his wife, Winnie, running her fat mouth -- and had to get a divorce. Damn. That is some serious shit. BrotherMan actually thought to himself, "I can take nearly three decades in jail, but I cannot stand to look at that witch in the kitchen at the crack o' dawn one more day. She is working my last good nerve."

It just goes to show you that, in all relationships, there's a very thin line between "Get me off" and "Get off me."
Just ask Brad Pitt.

Enjoy your weekend. Sign the guestbook.
Friday, February 11th 2005 - 08:13:42 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: For Black History Month

www. BlackPeopleLoveUs.com

This satirical website is painfully accurate and damn funny. I can't tell you how many times in my life some Caucasian has praised me basically because I can sit through a Fellini film and read the subtitles without moving my lips.

Keep hope alive....and sign the guestbook.
Thursday, February 10th 2005 - 10:18:45 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THE ANSWER IS: "No."

My audition to be a TV LAND gameshow host was last Wednesday. If I made the callbacks, I would've heard by now as the project gets rolling pretty soon. I guess the answer is "no." Oh, well. That's show biz. Thanks to some new things I've learned, especially out of the Larry Moss book mentioned in my Links section, I know my work was stronger. My agent informed me today that she could set me up for meetings to do local news work in LA. I'd rather let Edward Scissorhands be my proctologist than sign another staff news contract. That answer is "no." In my entire career, local news execs hired me to be a comic actor, writer, general news reporter and token Black person for one low fee and no upward mobility. No more. The CBS FM Micky Dolenz morning show production team is still attentive to me. We'll see what happens there. A show biz career in New York City is like a never-ending episode of SURVIVOR.
Wednesday, February 9th 2005 - 01:40:19 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SHOW BUZZ

A certain TV actor, whose initials having something in common with February 14th, is known for being an absolute bee-YOTCH to work with due to his overblown ego and disrespect to fellow actors. He once played a legendary Hollywood director on big screen. For the small screen, he turned down the role of Tony Soprano because, unlike the legendary director he played, he felt that doing TV was beneath him. Guess he changed his mind. Well...word his it today that his workload "is being eased" with the short-term cast addition of a friendly face we know here in the city. One day, Mr. Diva didn't even show up on the set. He decided to go to LA instead. Yep...his workload needs to be eased.
Wednesday, February 9th 2005 - 12:39:32 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS

Here's a showbiz story that may give us a reason to keep the faith:

SIDEWAYS is one of my favorite films of last year. It stars an actress whose work made me a big fan back in the 80s. She's Virginia Madsen. For years, I've felt that she's never gotten material that matched or fully displayed her acting chops. However, she always gave a quality performance in some lame projects. Being a performer is not a weekday 9-5 job. You will take a tired script and try to make it special so you can pay the rent.
Madsen is middle-aged now in a very youth-obsessed business. She's in her 40s. If you're an actor, you know that some top agencies were instructed not to take on any clients over 35.

So...along comes an indie script called SIDEWAYS. Virginia takes that sparkling script and delivers a champagne performance -- the best of her career. She's now an Oscar nominee for Best Supporting Actress. Like many of us in the business, she has had some rough times in the last few years. The same day she heard her name announced as an Oscar® nominee was the same day she got a foreclosure notice on her house. Fortunately, with the success of SIDEWAYS, she's now able to keep a roof over her head.

There's a big lesson in there for us all. I'm going out again today to try to revive my career just like Virginia did. Wish me luck...the same to you. Sign the guestbook. Happy Tuesday.
Tuesday, February 8th 2005 - 08:37:43 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: OSSIE DAVIS

What a great light that man leaves behind. What a shame that, about ten years ago, he could not get as much attention on a local New York City newscast as Joey Buttafuoco. If you have time, scroll down to my entry BLACK HISTORY @ WNBC.

Monday, February 7th 2005 - 12:55:45 PM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: SUPERBOWL WRAP-UP

A gay buddy here in Chelsea called me last night and asked what I was doing. I heard his jaw hit the floor when I said, "I'm watching the game." New England won the Superbowl but The Puritans ruined the whole shebang. Because of last year's neo-conservative backlash, turning Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" into TittyGate, this year's show was as juiceless and bland as my momma's baked chicken. And did you see that pre-kickoff feature with actors playing The Founding Father signing the Declaration of Independence? Lord have mercy. It was the NFL meets WAITING FOR GUFFMAN. The feature ended and the camera cut back to the Black sportscaster saying that each time he saw it, it put a lump on his throat. I thought, "Brutha man...back then those muthafuckas would've sold you and your family like a set o' cookware!" Blessedly, Bill Clinton brought it all into perspective when he said that America has come a long way since only white male landowners could make decisions and vote. He was there with the first Pres. Bush. Traditionally, the Superbowl commercials are fun and festive. Not this year. They were lame and tame -- and who's to blame? Those folks who work for the second Pres. Bush. But I did love the commercial in which soldiers on their way catch a flight out are given a standing ovation by civilian passengers in the airport terminal. That was cool.

Also over the weekend, I watched my alma mater. VH1 has a special called BLACK IN THE 80s -- non-widely known Black commentators talked about Black artists who crossed over and attempted to cross over. It was a bit weird to see people talking about music videos that I introduced when I was the only black veejay and talkshow host on VH1 back in the 80s. I admit it -- I would've loved to add my comments and viewpoints on racial attitudes at that time. Here's an example -- I was scheduled to tape an interview Spike Lee, a man who is known for being punctual. He was at least 30 minutes late and showed up out of breath and sweating on that hot summer day. Our studio manager had sent a company towncar to pick him up at his Brooklyn home, but Spike caught the subway train. Why? The driver wouldn't let him into the car. The studio manager, a young Irishwoman, was livid and called the car company dispatcher. The driver didn't let Spike into the car because, as the man admitted, "he didn't look like a movie director." The driver was fired immediately. Penny Marshall was picked up and delivered -- and she looked like an unmade bed. Spike wasn't. Ironically he was still shooting DO THE RIGHT THING at the time.

One of the wonderful things about working for VH1 -- and other entertainment outlets vs broadcast news -- is that I was part of the mix whereas news execs treated me like an outsider in terms of promotion, pay, and treatment as black, gay person. Trying to take care of a partner dying of AIDS while also working for homophobic news execs in the early 90s was not easy. You all know that if you read my blogs on a regular basis. That brings me to this -- since 2000, I've been writing and trying to get some attention with my observations on race, class, and sexual images in broadcasting from an outsider's perspective. The stage readings brought in very small audiences and got similar publicity. Local publishers and editors never responded to the work I submitted via snail mail. So I decided to blog so they and my agent could just log on and read my variety of stuff -- serious, silly, sexy or surreal. Well..still ain't nothin' happ'nin. Have you found any of my blogging to be funny, racy, informative or provocative? I really do need some feedback. On the workfront, I've been jobhunting since June. I get myself a little freelance work here and there, but since June, I've had only two auditions. My agent says that it's because I'm too old for consideration. I think that's bullshit. Bob Barker is still hosting a gameshow and recently got his contract renewed. Look at his his age. I think he was a waiter at the Last Supper. Anyway, I've been clearing out stuff and donating it to places like the Salvation Army. Unless a miracle happens, I'm preparing to leave this town to seek work that I love and a good, regular guy that I can love. New York City is a wonderful town, but it's not the only town in the country. I may not be Denzel Washington or Ryan Seacrest, but I should have more than two auditions in six months and more than two dates a year.

In the meantime, I've got to get out there and try to make myself better. Miracles don't happen when you're passive. You've got to set things in motion. It's a new week. Hope yours is a great one. Give me some feedback in the guestbook, pretty please.
Monday, February 7th 2005 - 09:02:42 AM

Name: Bubba Rivers
Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SUPERBOWL SUNDAY

I'm probably the only gay man in Chelsea who not only watched last year's game, but also watched the pre-game shows. I saw the infamous Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction." Personally, when that brown thing popped out, I thought to myself "OK...does that mean six more weeks of winter or an early spring?" It was only a couple of seconds of airtime and it was only a partially-exposed breast. We've seen worse on live TV. Remember Sept. 11th, 2001? Plus, how can you book any of the Jacksons for a television performance and expect something like the Von Trapp kids in "The Sound of Music" singing about a lonely goatherd -- without somebody dryhumping the goat? The FCC wanted to burn poor Janet as a witch. A few days ago, I went to the adult section of my video store and spotted the DVD of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. I rented it. Lord have mercy! If Pam did Superbowl commercials for a beer company, it would be called Anhowzyer Bush. The DVD leaves nothing to the imagination, but it didn't hurt her career. She just got a sitcom deal with Fox. Next to that DVD was the one starring Ms. Hilton. I didn't rent it. The pics on the cover were graphic enough. That girl must be as tight as a walk-in closet. Is Paris burning as a witch? Nope. She's hosting "Saturday Night Live" this weekend. And her TV series has been renewed for more weeknight primetime viewing. Talk about your Family Values. I guess FCC gentlemen prefer blondes.

This year, Superbowl entertainment will be safe. Paul McCartney will not be grabbing his crotch like P Diddy. But you will still see commercials for alcoholic beverages, fast foods, and erectile dysfunction pills that have names like black maids in Mae West movies from the 1930s -- Levitra, Cialis, Viagra.

Wow. A six-pack, a bucket o' chicken and a boner. God bless America. So...who do you like in the game? Sign the guestbook.
Friday, February 4th 2005 - 09:01:46 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: TINA FEY DAY

Thank Heaven for Paramount Pictures reps in Hollywood. Since last summer, they've asked me to host interview sessions for some stars in Paramount films. This gave me the great opportunities to share a stage with and sit next to fab folks like Nicole Kidman, Bette Midler, Glenn Close, Mick Jagger and Jude Law. Last weekend, I was called from LA and asked if I could host Tina Fey here in Manhattan for Writers Guild members. She's a guild nominee for her screenplay MEAN GIRLS. You know Tina from "Saturday Night Live." If you're an aspiring writer, some of our interview may be of interest to you, so I'm going to share.

First of all, MEAN GIRLS is based on a guidebook called "Queens Bees and WannaBes." It was written to help parents and teachers with mean girls. Tina read it and felt it had the spine for a good comedy. Movie execs wanted the movie to get a PG-13 rating, so they made changes to her writing. For writer's, their words and their projects are like their newborn children -- you don't want anyone adding, changing or deleting anything to it without checking with you first. So, you need a thick skin and a sense of humor when dealing with executives. They wouldn't let her keep the line "Have you had your cherry popped?" That had to be changed to "Has anyone buttered your muffin?" They wouldn't let one mean high school girl say "She has vaginal odor." BUT...it was fine to see two hot teen girls in a serious lesbian kiss at a Halloween party and okay for a non-Black girl to say "Nigga please." I asked Tina about that last line. It was so obvious from her body language and her pause that she regrets it. Tina told us that one African-American female teacher said that she liked the movie but that line bothered her. While writing the screenplay, Fey felt the line was fine for her to use because it came from Black hip-hop culture. That's an issue for further discussion. In the funny DVD commentary with Tina, the director and Lorne Michaels, there's a strange and uncomfortable silence when the "Nigga, please" line comes up. This tells me that there was no African-American in top movie production management to read the final draft and say, "Are you sure you wanna go there with this line?"

Back in the late '80s, when Carrie Fisher was adapting her novel POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE into her first screenplay, director Mike Nichols told her to watch the Vincente Minnelli Hollywood-on-Hollywood classic, THE BAD AND THE BEAUTIFUL, for tips on structure and narrative. I hosted an interview of Cameron Crowe when he was promoting ALMOST FAMOUS and one NYU screenwriting student asked him what screenplays he'd recommend to study. No surprise, he quickly and strongly replied, "The films of Billy Wilder." THE APARTMENT, SABRINA, SOME LIKE IT HOT and DOUBLE INDEMNITY were his top picks. I asked Tina if she viewed any classic films for tips. She did -- ELECTION and CLUELESS. Both are good, but I wish film students (and they were many in the audience) would also pay attention to brilliant movies made before the 1990s.

She's working on a new screenplay and I asked what she learned from her first experience that she's applying to the new one. She said three words immediately -- "Outline, outline, outline." She'll outline that sucker as if it was SHREK. I think "Saturday Night Live" is lucky to have her. I'm lucky to have the attention of Paramount publicity reps. Thanks for another wonderful chance to do what I love doing.
Thursday, February 3rd 2005 - 08:59:51 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: GATHERING MOSS: Today's Audition

I hope I don't jinx anything, but if I had seen me acting in a bar the way I did on camera at today's audition, I would've asked me out on a date. I was charming, witty, attentive, attractive, responsive, relaxed and in the moment. In short, I had a life.

How did I get that life? I took a tip from Helen Hunt, Hilary Swank and Michael Clarke Duncan. I interviewed all three for local shows I worked on here in NYC. They said that the person who helped them deliver the performances that got the ladies their Oscars and the gent his first Oscar® nomination was Larry Moss, acting coach. For about four years, I've been trying to find a website for, catch an interview of, and info on classes given by Larry Moss. I know I'm entertaining but I want to get better. In the kind of TV I've done, no one works with you on performance. The director in TV news and shows like "Top 5," is usually more focused on the audio quality, the set and the lighting. That's why so many anchors and hosts give the same performance year after year. Broadcasting is an assembly line and you're Lucy Ricardo trying to wrap chocolates as fast as you can.

How's this for coincedence? I logged onto Barnes & Noble to see what writers were appearing a couple of weeks ago. The day I logged on, I saw that Larry Moss had not only written a book, he was speaking at the bookstore right down the block from me the following evening. Hallelujah! He spoke for one hour and I realized why so many top actors have such reverence for him. I bought the book. I've been doing the exercises. I applied them to today's audition. If the gameshow execs think I'm too old or not thin and handsome enough for the gig, that's their drama. I did the actor's work and I'm proud of it.

Even if you're not in show biz, there are some solid life lessons in the book. Just like yours truly, the author grew up in a working class Southern California home, loved the movies, was inspired by them to enter show biz and pursued his dream in New York City without the emotional support of his parents. THE INTENT TO LIVE: ACHIEVING YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL AS AN ACTOR is the book by Larry Moss.

And how's your day? Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, February 2nd 2005 - 11:28:58 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: HELL FROZE OVER

I have an audition tomorrow -- my first in six months. Yep...there's no business like show business.
Tuesday, February 1st 2005 - 06:14:12 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Note to Ricardo:

"Big Gay Al" is a regular character on the cartoon series SOUTH PARK. That is absolutely not what Star Jones calls her new husband.

You are too wrong.
Saturday, January 29th 2005 - 07:18:03 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: STRANGE IMBEDDEDFELLOWS: BETWEEN IRAQ and a HARD PLACE

Remember the good ol' days of TV when Superbowl Sunday was the last weekend of January and the Oscars came after St. Patrick's Day? Well, that's Old School programming now. May and November are no longer the only TV ratings or "sweeps" months. What used to be a minor ratings month, February, has now become part of the Big Game. The Oscars are now in February. In early February, Oprah will preview her upcoming guest spot on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. Just like last year when Janet Jackson turned TV into "the boob tube," the Superbowl will again be the first Sunday of February. The rescheduling of the football game was so sly that, frankly, I'm concerned. Usually, Superbowl Sunday in January was the kick-off for winter "sweeps," pun intended. So what's taking the place of football this coming Sunday with just as much hoop-la and newsmen travelling to the site of the main event? The Iraqi Elections. Did Bush and Baghdad work that out in advance with a big wall calendar? "We'll move the game back a week, y'all have your elections in its place, followed by a special edition of 'Dateline NBC.' That should pull folks away from whatsisname on that 'Extreme Makeover' home show on ABC. How's that work fer ya?"

All this week, highly-paid New York City-based TV journalists who would never take a subway train after midnight from midtown to Brooklyn are dressed up like GI Joe and reporting from the Middle East, ready to tell the USA if the Iraqi people can vote safely and sufficiently on Sunday as part of our President's plan to "spread democracy."

Gee. Hundreds of Black Americans would've appreciated that same journalistic attention when they encountered obstacles while trying to vote in Florida back in 2000. I know. I read about it in depth in the British newspapers. Well...let freedom ring. I hope the Iraqi voters don't have to deal with mortar attacks and hanging chads.

Keep warm. Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, January 27th 2005 - 02:22:27 PM

Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: LAW & ORDER OUT FOR FOOD

Dig this -- LAW & ORDER will be shooting an episode about a FOOD NETWORK star who is a killer chef. Literally. The show will be full of Food Network employee suspects. This smells like a ratings episode to me. I wonder if the chef's name will be "Bobby Slay."
I just got a copy of the breakdowns today and immediately dashed off my Food Network "Top 5" publicity pic with a resume. There are some bit parts and maybe the fact that "Top 5" repeats air Thursdays at noon et/pt will help me score an audition.

Who sent me a copy of the casting breakdowns? My agent? Nope. My manager? Don't have one. Never did. I got the tip from my wonderful neighbor, Will. He's a veteran background actor who lives just a few buildings down on my block. May the Universe grant him an upgrade to a speaking role with a close-up. About my career -- yesterday, I was a guest on Micky Dolenz's morning show on WCBS radio, 101.1 FM. I covered the Oscar nominations. I love doing that kind of work like Robert Downey Jr used to love doing crack. My favorite gigs were the METRO MOVIES show I hosted locally on cable in 1999 (very much like what TALKING MOVIES is on BBC America today), being a weekly movie critic/film historian on Lifetime Television in 2000 and, way back in the Stone Age of Cable, having my own talkshow with many A-list actors on VH1 in the late '80s. I'm braggin', but I found out some stuff from superstars long before they got on Bravo with Robert Lipton. I'll be doing more entertainment talk on the Dolenz show this week. His producer called me last month and invited me to do showbiz reports. Hopefully, the exposure will lead to other opportunities.

Other than that, my last audition was in early September -- a commercial audition for a kitchen item called The TurboCooker. I've been jobhunting since "Top 5" went out of production at the end of June. Thank God for good neighbors and producers who keep your phone number.

Wish me luck trying to get an audition for LAW & ORDER. Sign the guestbook.

Wednesday, January 26th 2005 - 01:05:33 PM

Reporting in from: Hollywood-on-the-Hudson
ENTRY: GOING for the HOLLYWOOD GOLD

New York is in the grips of a cold snap right now. So why would I arise from a warm bed at 4am to get ready to go be on a radio show that starts at 6am? Because this morning started the countdown to the Main Event of the Movie Colony...Hollywood Prom Night...the Gay Superbowl -- that's right, the Oscar® nominations were announced. That's always big news to me. However, in the last ten years, I've wondered if some members of the academy have smoked something left over at the Robert Downey Jr Oscar party. I still can't believe that Debbie Reynolds did not get a Best Actress nod for MOTHER, that Nick Nolte didn't win for AFFLICTION over that hyperactive Italian actor who kept jumping around like Topo Gigio on coke, that Dennis Quaid didn't make the Best Supporting Actor cut for FAR FROM HEAVEN and that Ben Affleck has an Oscar but Albert Finney doesn't. That's Hollywood.

This year's great news is that Jamie Foxx scored nominations in Best Supporting Actor (COLLATERAL) and Best Actor (RAY) categories. Don Cheadle got nominated for HOTEL RWANDA and Virginia Madsen for SIDEWAYS. THE AVIATOR got 11 nominations total. For Best Picture and Best Director, Scorcese is up against Clint Eastwood's MILLION DOLLAR BABY. Eastwood also scored a Best Actor nomination. Personally, I think RAGING BULL is more of a masterpiece than THE AVIATOR. Ironically, 25 years ago when Scorcese's RAGING BULL was up for Best Picture and Best Director, he lost in both categories to an actor who directed a drama -- ORDINARY PEOPLE by Robert Redford. I'd like to see MILLION DOLLAR BABY be top film, but I think Scorcese's due some Oscar love and the academy will reverse what happened in 1980.

As for Michael Moore, despite the "Queer Eye"-type fashion makeover, FAHRENHEIT 9/11 did not get any big nominations. In fact, I don't think it got any and he campaigned for that documentary like he was a Southern beauty queen with new titties. Also shut out of top categories was Mel Gibson's THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. It got nominations for Best Cinematography and for Best MakeUp -- which was basically Max Factor-meets-Jesus Tartare.

This week, I'm doing entertainment reviews on the Micky Dolenz morning show on WCBS FM radio here in
New York. I love doing radio. It makes my ass look slim.
Tuesday, January 25th 2005 - 11:28:03 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: GOOD NIGHT, JOHNNY

"The Tonight Show" changed my life in February 1968 when I was a kid in South Central Los Angeles. I thought of that particular night when Jeff Lyons, a WNBC film critic and Matt Lauer on "Today" incorrectly inferred that Johnny Carson interviewed Dr. Martin Luther King. With all due respect to them, he didn't. The late legend was on vacation and, in a move of major racial equality, let singer/actor Harry Belafonte be the guest host for a week. Belafonte booked and interviewed Dr. King. I begged my parents to let me stay up late that night. We saw an African-American man interview another African-American man on a famous network TV show. Not only was it TV history at that time, it inspired me to want to go into television and do that kind of work.

I became acquainted with a film producer who happened to be on the "Tonight" show production team at that time here in Manhattan. Charles "Chiz" Schultz produced A SOLDIER'S STORY and THE ANGEL LEVINE, the latter starring Belafonte. Chiz told me of the network obstacles Belafonte battled because executives saw Dr. King as "too controversial" and someone who might be a turn-off to white viewers. Not only did millions watch, but it marked the first and only latenight entertainment network talkshow appearance that King made. Another guest that week was Sen. Robert F. Kennedy. Six months later, he and Dr. King were both dead, having been gunned down in the prime of their social activism.

Many of you who know me know that I left WNBC local news in 1995 because I felt the sting of racial exclusion. After having had my own national primetime talkshow on VH1, being nominated for an award that I lost to Larry King, and having had two short-lived syndicated gameshows to my credit, the news station approached me to cover entertainment. I was thrilled at the offer. However, once hired, I was re-assigned to do funny liveshots from shopping malls and street fairs. I felt that my credits and education were being ignored. In my second month, I scored a quick inteview with Madonna and did one of my best taped packages in late 1992. A year later, I was still at shopping malls and street fairs. Billy Bush, in 2001, was hired by the same station. He did similar local lifestyle features for three months and then got bumped up to "Today." Those kind of moves make me think there's still a color issue to address in broadcasting. Think about it, one night in 1968 America saw two African-American men on one legendary NBC nighttime show. In its first 50 years, the "Today" show hired only two African-Americans as on-air talent -- Bryant Gumble and Al Roker. Does that tells us anything?

At local Fox5, I did get the chance to cover entertainment occasionally but I still had the same problem in moving up the corporate ladder. I had the great joy to work with Mario Bosquez. He's a smart, funny, witty, generous news anchor who's also a playwright. For years he worked at Fox and is now anchoring on local CBS 2. Mario, a Mexican, didn't seem to be getting the respect he deserved at Fox when I was there and after I left. Dave Price was hired as a morning weatherman. As a viewer, I found Price annoying. Not only was he as subtle as The 3 Stooges, he was doing Steve Martin and Woody Allen "schtick" that was over 20 years old. Nonetheless, within three years, he went network. The wacky weatherman now hosts the CBS Tournament of Roses Parade. Was Mario ever considered for that same spot? He was at local CBS 2 before it stole Price from Ch. 5. Mario's got lots of personality, he proved his talents years before Price arrived in NYC and, considering that he's Mexican-American, it would be so cool to see him hosting a holiday show from a state with such a huge Hispanic population and cultural background. I think you get my point.

Since Dr. King's death decades ago, how many Black or Latino or Asian faces have we seen hosting a late night network talkshow? Or reviewing movies on a morning network news program? Or hosting an upscale syndicated gameshow? How many Black or Brown faces are on the writing staffs of late night comedy programs or even daytime ones like the blessedly liberal "Daily Show" on Comedy Central?

Johnny Carson opened a door for racial diversity on "Tonight" that still needs to be opened a bit wider today.
He made the nights brighter.

Monday, January 24th 2005 - 10:29:21 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: A WHOLE LOTT of DRAMA

In his inaugural speech kicking off his second term, President George W. Bush said "..there can be no human rights without human liberty." That was followed by "..we cannot carry the message of freedom and the baggage of bigotry at the same time."

Fine. Then he enters a grand room for his inaugural luncheon escorted by Senator Trent Lott. Hello!!!! That's like Michael Jackson opening a day care center. What the fuck was W thinking? Remember when good ol' boy Trent was caught on tape praising creepy, ancient fellow good ol' boy Strom Thurmond for his Confederate views? Thurmond, you may recall, was the politician who fiercely opposed racial integration. However, that didn't stop him getting his under-aged Black maid pregnant and keeping his illegitimate child's identity a secret during his years in office as a happily married senator. If there's anyone who probably never said "Happy Kwanzaa" and never watched "Queer Eye," I'm sure it's Trent Lott. He not only carried the baggage of bigotry, he opened it up in front of a crowd.

Talk about mixed messages -- verbal and visual. I wonder if our network reporters noticed the same thing I did.
Thursday, January 20th 2005 - 01:13:06 PM

Reporting in from: The Frozen Big Apple
ENTRY: HAIL TO THE CHIEF

Four more years start today. Personally, when I see George W swear in for a second term, I will feel just like Ripley in ALIENS when the horror continues. However, I will still be praying for Bush's health and welfare because there are two words far scarier and more dangerous than the egg-laying monster queen in that sci-fi classic. What are they? "President Cheney."

Think about it. God Bless America.
Thursday, January 20th 2005 - 07:09:44 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Lord have mercy, is that one masterful film from actor/director Clint Eastwood. It has got to be a contender for the Best Picture Academy Award. I'd like to see it win. Even if you don't like the sport of boxing, go see this movie. It's about so much more than boxing.

That's all I'm telling you. I don't want to spoil anything. However, one friend who kept urging me to see it told me to take some tissues. I wish I'd followed her advice.
Monday, January 17th 2005 - 02:07:04 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: HOME ALONE 3: NOT WILD ABOUT PRINCE HARRY

By now, you've probably seen and heard the international outrage over an incident that even the Monty Python troupe could not have dreamed up. Prince Harry, the son of the late Lady Diana, went to a costume party with his brother, Prince William. According to reports, young bonny Prince Willy went as a leopard. Wacky Prince Harry went as a Nazi. Another guest at the party snapped a photo of Harry wearing an armband with a swastika on it., The photo made the front page of a London newspaper. This proves that you can be a young, rich, popular hottie but basically have beef jerky for brains.

But I want to address a point that's been overlooked in all the reports I've heard and read. Were those two home alone? Even though they're in their early 20s, don't they have bodyguards like the Bush Girls do here in The States? They're royalty! Do you think the Bush Girls could go out on Halloween in blackface and Afro wigs and wearing T-shirts with "Bootylicious" written on them? I doubt it.

Did young Willy just go RainMan on his brother before they left for the party?

"I'm a leopard. I'm a leopard. Look at me. I'm a leopard. What are you going to the party as?"

"A Nazi."

"Oh. Lovely. I'm a leopard. Can you tell? Want to hear me growl? I'm a leopard."

Did they get on a bus dressed like that? Did other passengers just think they were going to audition for the London cast of THE PRODUCERS? How does someone internationally famous and the blood relative of a major ruling family leave for an event dressed as a Nazi without one adult saying "You're going out wearing THAT?" No one bothered to pull the prince aside and say, "Look, lad, what about leiderhosen instead? Same country. More politically correct. Or a bunny suit. Everybody loves bunnies. Think more Benny Hill and a little less Third Reich. Now shake a leg and get changed." Harry redefined "wardrobe malfunction."

There must've been high drama in Buckingham Palace when that picture hit the papers and went global. A queen having a hissyfit is never a pretty sight. Have a nice weekend. Thanks for signing the guestbook.
Friday, January 14th 2005 - 03:49:52 PM

Name: Bobbo
Reporting in from: Gotham
ENTRY: HOLLYWOOD NEWZ

First a killer tsunami and now this: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have separated. They're still committed to each other, according to one report, but the Hollywood Golden Couple has separated for now.

Why? Well, from what I heard, he made her sit through TROY and she made him sit through ALONG CAME POLLY. That would strain anyone's marriage.
Friday, January 7th 2005 - 09:52:24 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: AMBER ALERT

Part 2 of Oprah meets Amber Frey is on today. I watched the first half on Wednesday. Near the end of the show, Amber's attorney led the audience in a round of applause for her client's "bravery" in helping to convict Scott Peterson of killing his pregnant wife. With all due respect to Oprah, if any good drag queen in her right mind had hosted the show that day, she would've said to her Amber, "Bitch, puh-leeze! What were you thinking having an affair with this man and letting him near your child? If you had half a brain, you'd be called 'gifted'!"

To me, it was painfully obvious that the pretty, blonde single mother had neither written nor read the book about her involvement with the convicted killer that she's promoting. Several times, Oprah asked her questions referring to specific passages and Amber sat there with the same clueless expression on her face that you usually find on Patrick the Starfish in the SpongeBob SquarePants cartoons. That shocked me. We did learn that Amber got horizontal with the handsome psycho on their first date. She met him through a girlfriend and was dazzled by his looks, charm and the fact that he seemed to have money. Never mind the fact that he told her he could only be reached on his cellphone. HELLO!!!! That's a red flag that even Helen Keller could've seen. So..they got intimate after drinks on their first date. On the second date, he bought food and made her dinner. She was already in love. On their third encounter, she allowed him to pick up her little girl at the daycare center.

Yes, you read that correctly. She let her child be picked up alone at a daycare center by a man she'd really just met and a man who killed his pregnant wife. Why? Because he was handsome and charming and seemed to have money. Later in the show, Oprah asked if Amber started to connect the dots when Scott's image was all over the network news in relation to his wife's disappearance while they were dating. Amber admitted that she doesn't watch the news. OK. She doesn't watch the news. Obviously, putting her daughter in the hands of a killer proves that she's never watched the "Oprah" show over the years. Or Dr. Phil. She was confused when hearing passages from the book that bears her name as its author. And we're applauding this woman because...?????

In 1957, director Billy Wilder released one of his best films. It was a courtroom mystery based on a famous play. A pretty woman's handsome, charming and upscale husband is accused of murdering an innocent woman. The movie is called WITNESS FOR THE PROSECUTION. Amber Frey's book is called "WITNESS: For the Prosecution of Scott Peterson." Do you think she's aware of the similarities in title and topic? No. She probably could care less because she's getting national airtime and the telefilm rights to her book have just been purchased by CBS.

If I was a married, straight man who hooked up with a woman that self-indulgent and irresponsible with her child, I would've gone home and asked my wife to kill ME. I do not applaud Amber Frey. I pray that she gets a clue...and a damn good nanny.

Enjoy your weekend. Sign the guestbook.
Friday, January 7th 2005 - 10:44:52 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THE COLOR OF TRAGEDY

I made a point of watching CBS's Sunday Morning last weekend because my talented buddy, Nancy Giles, had a witty commentary that would be airing. I fully admit that I watch her, not just because she's a friend, but because I support educated and talented ethnic people who are able to breatk through the color barriers that exist in network and local news. You say such barriers don't exist? How many Black, Latino or Asian broadcasters have you seen reviewing films regularly on a morning network news program? How many ethnic faces cover theatre? Outside of news, how many of us host upscale gameshows like JEOPARDY or WHEEL OF FORTUNE and SURVIVOR? Do we host shows like INSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO and DINNER FOR FIVE? Nope. Hell, we'd be lucky to have an executive view our demo tapes and consider us for the auditions.

Back to the Sunday newscast. In a feature on the tsunami tragedy, one white male reporter spent about two minutes in his package showing us blond tourists touched by the tragedy. The Asian natives became the supporting players. That struck me as odd. First of all, my prayers and my money are going to help all those people -- regardless of color. But color seems to have a subtext in news coverage when it comes to tragedy. Should be grieve more for an upscale group of Caucasian visitors than for the native Sri Lankans who lost children and their occupational livelihoods, literally, in the break of a wave? I thought of the first moments after our September 11th tragedy. I was watching TODAY on NBC. One photo that got plenty of close-ups was that of a young bride and groom. The bride was very blonde and photogenic. If I recall correctly, she worked for a major financial firm in one of the towers. While that wedding photo got the spotlight, people of all colors, ages and income levels were on the street holding up photos of their loved ones who were also in or near the towers. Those faces were brown, yellow, black and white. This week, Amber Frey is getting lots of network airtime regarding her affair with convict Scott Peterson, behind bars for having killed his pregnant wife. A white friend of mine here in Manhattan remarked on a local, somewhat similar crime case in which the mother and child were also killed. He said, "Why isn't that case getting as much attention as the Peterson case? Is it because the people were Latino and didn't live in a hightone area?"

Personally, I think that's something our TV columnists need to dissect. Every weekday, during the 5:00 "Eyewitness News" on Ch. 7, there's a brief public affairs moment that comes on right before a commercial break. It's for Missing Children. An announcer says, "Have you seen Brenda?" or whatever the child's name is, and you have to read quickly the info that's on the screen. Usually, they're children of color who have been missing for months or sometimes years. Why do you have to read quickly? Because the graphic with the child's info and image are up for just seconds and then comes a logo for the corporate sponsor. The low income kids get a blip of exposure, but if a white co-ed who learned how to play the cello in her suburban youth leaves her dorm after midnight and is missing for two days, she's a lead on the morning network news and we see many photos of her idyllic middle class homelife.

Is the news telling us visually that tragedy is only serious when it hits Caucasians of a certain comfortable income? Caucasians who are photogenic and young and in shape? Frankly, I'm concerned.

I'd really like your opinions. Let's do what we can do help the victims of the tsunami disaster. Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, January 4th 2005 - 11:32:12 AM

Name: Bobbo
Reporting in from: NYC 2005
ENTRY: LET'S START THE NEW YEAR RIGHT!

What did you do for New Year's Eve? I had a great dinner at a neighborhood restaurant, came back to my place and had some great sex. Yeah, baby!!!!

OK...so I did both things all by myself but, hey, I've got my health, a little money in the bank and a roof over my head. I counted my blessings at the end of 2004 -- and I discovered a new meaning for "the stroke of midnight" going into 2005.

By the way, if you ever come to Chelsea and want brilliant Latino-Asian food cooked by Mexican chefs who love what they do, head for the BRIGHT FOOD SHOP diner on 8th Avenue at 21st Street. Very casual. If the meals there are good enough for Meryl Streep, Kevin Bacon, Ethan Hawke, Parker Posey and Isaac Mizrahi, then they're good enough for you too. (Mizrahi -- nice guy, lousy tipper.)

Sign the guestbook tomorrow. Today's a holiday.
Big kiss and a bearhug for the new year.
Saturday, January 1st 2005 - 01:46:11 PM

Name: GrandMaster B
Reporting in from: FunkyTown
ENTRY: NO DICK ON NEW YEAR'S EVE

He's become such a TV tradition on the night of Dec. 31st, that it'll be strange not to see Dick Clark hosting ABC festivities tomorrow. I hope he has a speedy recovery and I'm sure Regis Philbin will do an excellent job. Dick Clark is a TV legend I've long wanted to interview so I could get his opinions on how broadcasting handles race in America. I was a youngster when his teen dance show, AMERICAN BANDSTAND, was on television. There was a time when guys like Clark and Leonard Bernstein were our veejays, introducing kids to new music -- even if the music wasn't technically new. Dick put on Black musicmakers and let Black kids dance on the floor alongside white kids during the dawn of the Civil Rights movement. This was way back when only Black folks used the words "ho," "booty" and "pimp." Today, the blondest suburban girl visiting from Heartland America would kill for the chance to be in MTV's Manhattan audience so she could possibly slap herself onto Usher's torso like a tatoo.

It's amazing how music can bring people together. Tomorrow night, thousands of people will come together, waiting to hear one particular piece of music -- "Auld Lang Syne." That will be the cue to kiss someone special. What a great way to say goodbye and hello at the same time. What a wonderful way to pick yourself up off the canvass after Life has knocked you down over the course of twelve months.

We'll be thinking about you, Dick. Happy New Year, my friends and supporters. Happy New Year, my friends IN supporters. Get out there and shake yo' groove thang. And sign the guestbook.
Thursday, December 30th 2004 - 06:13:24 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: FAR EAST TRAGEDY PROVES THAT PRESIDENTIAL GOOD MANNERS ARE GONE WITH THE WIND

Am I going to send money to help in the wake of the tsunami disaster? You bet I am. That terribly awesome tragedy, from the force of Mother Nature, happened on Sunday. With each passing day, thousands and thousands more dead have been discovered.

Our president just made a public statement TODAY, which he read over the phone, from his ranch down in Texas. HELLO?!?!?!?! The tragedy happened on Sunday. Today is Wednesday and he's just now making a statement?!?!?!? Where's he been -- returning Christmas gifts at the mall? Say what you will about Clinton, but he would've been on camera Monday morning expressing his condolences.

How do you feel? Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, December 29th 2004 - 10:27:01 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: FOX-y LADY

Did you happen to catch the two back-to-back episodes of MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE last night on Fox? The first one with the unemployed dad befriending the idiot bodybuilders was funny...but the next one with the mom obsessed with removing a racially offensive cardboard figure from her supermarket had me laughing my head off. Classic! A Black janitor, who looked a bit like Al Roker, is smiling broadly while holding a mop and a 6-pack of malt liquor. Malcolm's mom looks at the cardboard figure's nametag and shouts, "His name is Slappy, for God's sake!" Well, that line had me rolling. Also...did anyone happen to catch last week's repeat of Oprah's visit to South Africa? Bless her heart -- but, in one segment, we see her visiting a makeshift classroom that was built from discarded construction crates in the middle of nowhere. It was the definition of "poverty-stricken." The poor little youngsters are gathered in this depressing site to get some bit of education. Oprah visits the classroom and she looks lovely. The teachers and children cheer her presence. However, the segment producers forget to tell "O" to take off her diamond earrings. Just one of her ears alone could have fed that entire village for weeks. Kids must have stared at her bling-bling and thought, "Did not my daddy mine those right before he disappeared on his daily 5-mile walk to get us a bucket of clean water? Hmmmm. They do make the face of Mama Oprah to shine pretty."

In TV, it's all about the details. Like seeing that a supermarket beer ad has a Black janitor named Slappy.

Sign the guestbook.
Monday, December 27th 2004 - 07:35:34 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: A YULETIDE WISH:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas this year is world peace --
plus a cold beer, a hot man and some Viagra in a Pez dispenser.
Is that too much to ask?

Love,
Bobby

(What's your holiday wish? Sign the guestbook.)
Friday, December 24th 2004 - 10:52:04 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: HERE COMES OPRAH CLAUS

Today's OPRAH show is a repeat and update of her visit to South Africa when she took Christmas to thousands of poor Black children. It was some of the wonderful service she does with her Angel Network®. Those children live in and endure abject poverty. Oprah mentioned about a month ago that she'd be in Africa for the holidays again this year. Come 2005, I bet she shows footage of her recent visit. All the suburban white women in the audience will give her thunderous applause for her charity to South Africa and their total support of the Angel Network.

Next year, she should take that audience love for her one step further. After she presents that videotape shot in Africa, I want Oprah to say "....and because all of you here today support the good work of the Angel Network, we thought we could really share the feeling of love and gratitude. So...YOU GET A POOR BLACK CHILD! YOU GET A POOR BLACK CHILD! YOU GET A POOR BLACK CHILD!..."

Then Oprah could lead the screaming audience members outside to see all the poverty-stricken kids lined up in the Harpo parking lot with red bows on their heads, waiting to go to a nice home in a Caucasian suburb like Lake Forest, Illnois.

You thought you saw white women hyperventilate when they got a free car? Shit, baby, that'd be nothing compared to the reaction when they get a free little Black orphan to take home and photograph for next year's Christmas cards: "Happy Holidays from Bill and Maureen -- and the kids...Kyle, Kevin, Tiffani and Staajabu."

Call me crazy, but I think THAT would be one kick-ass Oprah show.

Happy Holidays. Sign the guestbook. Let me know somebody's reading this.

Thursday, December 23rd 2004 - 08:04:24 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: BLACK HISTORY @ WNBC TV

Tonight, African-American playwright/actor Ossie Davis and his wife, Ruby Dee, are being saluted in the Kennedy Center Honors airing tonight on CBS. In the early 90s, after three years of national celebrity interview work on VH1, I was hired by WNBC for its new program, WEEKEND TODAY IN NEW YORK. I didn't apply for the job. Management sought and hired me. However, once hired, I was never granted the privilege to cover entertainment on a weekly basis as I had on VH1. I was "demoted" to being the comic element of the newscast with outdoor lifestyle liveshots. Behind the scenes, publicists who'd worked with me in booking guests for my old VH1 weeknight talkshow pitched me clients to interview on Ch. 4. I constantly heard from my producer, a young Caucasian woman, that the guests I pitched to be on the show were, in her words, "...not our audience."

Because they were "not our audience," I wasn't able to book in-studio live interviews with Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee -- or Pam Grier, Patti LaBelle, singer Dianne Reeves and members of a Puerto Rican Theatre company located in the Bronx. However, the producer did let one of the anchors book Pia Zadora for an 8-minute segment.

Recently, I read an interview of Chris Rock. He, Tim Meadows, Ellen Cleghorne, and Daman Wayans experienced similar feelings of frustration when they worked in the same building for a bigger show, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. We were asked to join the team but, apparently because we had something of a different color, we couldn't "join in any reindeer games," as it were.

Speaking of Chris Rock, the executive producer of the news show that approached me for work after I quit WNBC was offered the chance to let me do a liveshot with the hot Rock. He had recently wrapped the last LETHAL WEAPON movie. My boss turned down the opportunity because, as he later admitted to me, he didn't know who Chris Rock was. However, he did book The Amazing Kreskin and the very annoying "Body-by-Jake" Steinfeld.

Personally, I appreciate and bless the work that Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee have done to help guys like me get some validation and equal opportunity in the workplace. I hope a lot of local news producers catch the CBS special tonight. They could learn something.

Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, December 21st 2004 - 02:40:34 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: A BROADWAY REVIEW

If you want a theatrical experience that combines American Idol with a Viet Nam massacre, drug addiction, parental abandonment, homeless people in New York and costumes that should be worn only by drag queens, then you may want to purchase a ticket to BROOKLYN: THE MUSICAL now onstage at the Plymouth Theatre.

I was given a complimentary ticket from the show's publicist. Yes, I saw it for free and it was worth every penny. The cast includes two very talented actors -- Kevin Anderson, who was in the great DEATH OF A SALESMAN revival starring Brian Dennehy, and Cleavant Derricks, who was in the original cast of DREAMGIRLS. I can only imagine that when the stage manager tells them to take their places for the performance, it must be like watching passengers board the Hindenburg. "Oh, the humanity...the humanity."

Have a good weekend. Sign the guestbook.
Friday, December 17th 2004 - 09:07:04 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: MILLER'S HIGH LIFE

Arthur Miller and a much young lady friend were walking on 23rd Street in my neighborhood while I was strolling with an actor buddy late one morning in the summer of last year. Of course, his jaw dropped down to his Nikes when I told him that the sprightly senior headed into the Chelsea Hotel was the legendary playwright who gave us DEATH OF A SALESMAN and THE CRUCIBLE and was married to Marilyn Monroe.

This week it became official that Mr. Miller and that lady friend are definitely a romantic item. He's 89. She's 34.
I think Zero Mostel said it best in THE PRODUCERS:
"Flaunt it, baby!!!!!!"

I've really got to get out more.
Thursday, December 16th 2004 - 02:07:06 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: THIS MORNING'S HEADLINES

The Associated Press wrote this: "Whitney Houston OK After Rear-Ending Bus."

Damn. That diva MUST have been horny. Call me crazy, but I always knew she was a top.

Comments? Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, December 16th 2004 - 08:42:07 AM

Reporting in from: The Big Frozen Apple
ENTRY: THE MINORITY'S REPORT

The holiday season is here. I don't know about you but for guys like me, getting through the holidays is like walking an emotional tightrope made of tinsel. The walk begins on Thanksgiving Day and it ends one minute after midnight into a new year. Why an emotional tightrope? The holiday season is designed for couples. If you're solo, you tack on a smile through the festivities while your coupled friends have the privilege of being able to use words like "us," "we," and "together." They ask you how work is going and you want to do just like that schoolteacher/writer/wine lover dude in the movie SIDEWAYS -- you just want to drink a vat of some alcoholic bevvy to numb the pain.

I'm kind of avoiding the party scene this year because I have nothing exciting to say about work. And my money is tight. My Food Network gig unexpectedly ended in June. My last audition was in September. My last offer of work came a few days before Halloween -- it was to be a movie extra at night walking behind Uma Thurman. In other words, right now my career could chill eggnog.

On a lighter note, someone actually took me up on one of the many offers I've extended to be my guest at a movie preview. No one got back to me for RAY, FINDING NEVERLAND, BRIDGET JONES EATS AGAIN (or whatever it was called), BEYOND THE SEA and the LEMONY SNICKET movie starring Jim Carrey. But someone did say that he'd love to be my guest at tonight's screening of THE AVIATOR. Critics are doing cartwheels over how fab the new Scorcese film is. Oprah predicts that Leonardo DiCaprio will win the Oscar. Gee...Oprah...how is Jamie Foxx supposed to feel about that? Check back tomorrow for my notes on THE AVIATOR.

Bundle up. It's cold out there. Happy holidays....and sign the guestbook. Pretty please.
Wednesday, December 15th 2004 - 10:31:59 AM

Reporting in from: Hollywood-on-the-Hudson
ENTRY: A TWIST OF LEMONY

My Saturday started with a smile. I attended a morning preview of Lemony Snicket's A SERIOUS OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS. The audience was full of kids who cheered and applauded as soon as the houselights dimmed and hushed for silence as soon as the first credits appeared. How refreshing -- especially when most adults use that time to talk on cellphones or otherwise screw-up the purpose of going to the movies. One of the biggest surprises about the unfortunate events onscreen is that they include Jude Law. Is there a movie he DIDN'T do this year? He's becoming the Gene Hackman of the New Millennium -- "Never say 'no' to a script...whether it's MISSISSIPPI BURNING or WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT."

Jim Carrey is perfectly cast and sensational to watch as a character you love to hate -- like The Witch in THE WIZARD OF OZ. You know all his evil deeds will never outdo a child's goodness. The movie is fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. It's the kind of film that makes me wish I had children because one of the greatest joys in life is making kids happy by taking them to the movies and sharing in their world.

Besides, for them you've only got to pay half price.

Have a festive weekend and sign the guestbook.
Saturday, December 11th 2004 - 02:13:51 PM

Name: Bobby Tyler Moore
Reporting in from: Big Applelis
ENTRY: WHOSE ONLINE IS IT ANYWAY?

My Great Experiment has nearly come to an end. At the urging of wonderful married friends from Florida to the Pacific Northwest, I took major steps to end a decade of being a widower. Yes, I tried to date in the gay male community of this concrete jungle called Manhattan.
It started with six months of online personal ads that I placed on six different websites.

"And what have you learned, Dorothy?" Well, if you're a gay man over 40 in New York City, online dating is a level of Hell that Dante never imagined. I know that it worked for the reluctant Gayle when Oprah forced her to log on and step out for national television, but here's the fundamental big difference -- no straight man is going to sit across from Oprah's best friend in a restaurant and begin conversation by asking her what gym she goes to and if she's a "top" or a "bottom." Good manners for gay men in this town have become the powder blue leisure suit in the Prada showroom of city life.

I resorted to Old School methods -- direct human contact and blind dates. Here is a list of the Top 5 Lines I Got in my Great Dating Experiment of 2004:

5. "I did drag ven I lived in Germany und I loved zee records uff Diana Ross. Especially ven she sang about zee Love Hangover. Cigarette?"

4. "I've been with somebody for 13 years now. We live together but I do booty calls."

3. "I have multiple sclerosis."

2. "I can't meet you for coffee. I'm just too full of self-loathing."

1. "Can you get me a job on Food Network?"

I'm not making any of this up, y' know. Sometimes I feel that God watches my life the same way I'll watch Lucy Ricardo try to get through a Manhattan subway trip with a loving cup stuck on her head in repeats on cable TV.

At least I tried. Happy holidays and sign the guestbook.
Friday, December 10th 2004 - 10:35:52 AM

Reporting in from: Food Town
ENTRY: LAMB SHANKED

We're trying to keep it hush-hush, but I've been hired to book talent on the new Martha Stewart reality television project for 2005 called "Toss My Salad! Stars Behind Bars." Every week, she'll visit celebrities who did time and find out what they wanted to eat the most while they were incarcerated. Then, she'll prepare it. So far, I've gotten confirmations from George Michael, Robert Downey Jr, Bobby Brown, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and "Pee Wee" Herman.

You see? There IS life after Food Network. Happy holidays. Sign the guestbook.
Thursday, December 9th 2004 - 10:47:05 AM

Name: Lt. Rivers
Reporting in from: The Concrete Jungle
ENTRY: "The horror.....the horror."

On ABC tonight, Barbara Walters is presenting her "10 Most Fascinating People of 2004." One of those people is Paris Hilton. Fox is airing the holiday music variety special, "A Clay Aiken Christmas."

Both Paris and Clay have their hardcover memoirs currently on sale at fine bookstores everywhere. Isn't this all a sign of the approaching apocalypse -- like dogs walking backwards?

By the way, an adult bookstore right on the next block from me has posters in its window advertising the Paris Hilton video. I haven't seen it but, from what I've heard, her boyfriend must have dangled mistletoe right above his scrotum. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Happy holidays. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, December 8th 2004 - 08:50:47 AM

Reporting in from: NY, NY
ENTRY: CASTING CALL

I've got an audition on Friday! It's for a network franchise pilot called CSI: MILWAUKEE. I'm reading for the part of a detective at a delicatessan murder scene in America's DairyLand. Here are my lines:

"He cut the cheese and three people died. Look at their faces. I guess Happy Days in Milwaukee are long gone. Know what I mean? Well, let's get this Monterey Jack to the lab."

Wish me luck and sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, December 7th 2004 - 09:52:01 AM

Name: BobbyBaby
Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: A LEGENDARY PETER

I'm a hardcore Johnny Depp. Have been for years. I thought his performance as EDWARD SCISSORHANDS was poetic. I think he should've gotten an Oscar nomination for ED WOOD. He broke me up in SLEEPY HOLLOW because basically he was doing a 1940s Bob Hope as Ichabod Crane. He should've gotten a supporting Oscar nomination for his role as the prison drag queen in the indie drama BEFORE NIGHT FALLS. Did you see that one? Brilliant! That queen did more to advance the work of a struggling new writer than Oprah ever dreamed of.

The Academy finally got it together by giving him a nomination for PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN. His new movie is FINDING NEVERLAND, a very sweet film bio in which he plays the playwright who created Peter Pan. The movie manipulates and pulls your heartstrings the same way the stagehands pull the strings of the actors in the premiere of J.M. Barrie's famous play. Depp's performance is so tender that it helps you ignore most of the obvious manipulation. His final scene with the little boy who inspired Peter Pan is an all-out tearjerker. Those two will star in Tim Burton's upcoming new version of WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

I'm seeing another big screen bio this evening -- Kevin Spacey singing and dancing as Bobby Darin in BEYOND THE SEA. It's at 6p near Union Square. If ya wanna be my guest, shoot me a message.

Have a faaaaaaaabulous Monday. Cheers.
Monday, December 6th 2004 - 11:32:39 AM

Reporting in from: NYCity
ENTRY: BLACK EYES for the QUEER GUYS

It's Sunday morning and my hometown newspaper has an article that might make some fake shit hit the fan tomorrow. Here's a hint on the topic -- Carson from QUEER EYE? His nickname will not be "Sir Real."
Yep. The LA Times just bitch-slapped some of the top shows on TV -- documentary-style.

Reporter Joel Stein did a piece of investigative reporting on "The New Quiz Show Scandal -- Reality Television." The revelation that will probably cause a lot of buzz is the information that QUEER EYE is basically just as scripted and planned out as an episode of WILL & GRACE. Are we surprised? Please don't take away my Gay Card, but I've never really been a fan of the Fab Five. Basically, producers took the popularity of the Jack character from WILL & GRACE and cloned it for a half-hour infomercial. QUEER EYE is all about product placement with Carson making Jack-like wisecracks. Plus, as you can read if you scroll down to another entry, I was an arm's length away from Carson recently. I've seen him a few times here in Chelsea. It's always amazed me that he gives fashion tips on national TV and has a book of fashion tips for men currently on sale when, in the neighborhood, he's looked like his wardrobe mistress was Helen Keller right after Happy Hour.

What hacks me off about the reality shows is that non-actors are being urged to act and, thus, are taking work away from professional actors, broadcasters and writers. How many good actors are not getting opportunities to audition for commercials while Paris Hilton and "Apprentice" cast-offs are endorsing products and moving on to syndicated TV gigs?

If you want to check out the article, log onto www.latimes.com. Let's see if it gets any national attention come Monday. Leave your comments on my guestbook.
Sunday, December 5th 2004 - 09:32:41 AM

Name: "Big" Bob Rivers
Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: GET UP & BOOGIE

Last night I rented BOOGIE NIGHTS. Here are my Top 5 notes on that excellent film from director/writer Paul Thomas Anderson:

5. It accurately captures the working class Southern California that I knew in my youth. L.A. wasn't all Hollywood, Rodeo Drive and beach parties.

4. I am so proud that I had Joanna Gleason as an acting teacher. She stars opposite Mark Wahlberg as his mother, the suffocating source of anger in the home that forces him out and into another dysfunctional family unit, but one that makes him feel special.

3. It's only a matter of time (hopefully short) until Julianne Moore wins an Academy Award®.

2. The same needs to apply to Don Cheadle. He is such a brilliant yet under-recognized actor. He was wonderful as Buck, the porn star/stereo salesman.

1. If there was ever, ever a movie that should've had a promotional Happy Meal tie-in, it's BOOGIE NIGHTS. The Dirk Diggler action figure alone would be a top dollar collectible today.

Sign the guestbook.
Saturday, December 4th 2004 - 03:09:34 PM

Name: "Dutch"
Reporting in from: New Amsterdam
ENTRY: CLOSER_4_SEX

I saw CLOSER. I admit it, I went because I'm a Julia Roberts fan and because Clive Owen is the kind of man you have dreams about. Even dry ones.

You have Mike Nichols, a brilliant director, putting four actors through the paces of a passionate tale of sex and relationships. One critic called his new movie "..a masterpiece." It's good but not great. For better work with quartets and similar themes, run to rent Nichols' real masterpiece, WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF? or CARNAL KNOWLEDGE.

Jude Law has sort of an Owl and the Pussycat relationship as the novelist whose girlfriend is a stripper in a men's club. Julia plays a celebrity photographer who gets involved with them and a doctor who fancies online sex chatrooms. He's a modern-day caveman played by Clive. Excellent work. Natalie Portman is quite vivid as the stripper. The talk about sex and sexual possession is the obsession and power that makes these people feel alive. Basically they're all hollow -- like I felt those four chicks were on SEX IN THE CITY. They don't seem to have any roots, any relatives, any past lives or any lesser-income friends. Sex becomes their armor, their main weapon and their camouflage.

It's very Caucasian. I write that because you could screen this movie for a 15 year old Puerto Rican dude in the Bronx and he'd say "Yo! Why is that writer guy trippin' that his girlfriend may be seein' anutha man. She's a stripper in a titty bar! More people have seen her 'little man in the boat' than TITANIC." *

If you're a working class member or a person of color, you'll see the immediate "Duh" factor in those four. They may look fabulous and be fabulous in a fabulous big city, but they're so dysfunctional that there were times when I would've called the picture ME FUCK PRETTY ONE DAY. We've all seen it happen. The most high-tone, intellectual, talented white folks can be reduced to behaving like those monkeys at the beginning of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY when it comes to sex.

Oh! The final scene of CLOSER looks like an open to a SEX IN THE CITY episode. It makes you think about all those female and gay male Carrie Bradshaw wannabes that we've got all over Manhattan nowadays.
One of the top producers of the HBO series co-produced the movie, by the way. Have a good weekend.

* (For you gay men, "the little man in the boat," is hetero slang for the clitoris. Now go to the dictionary and look up "clitoris".)
Friday, December 3rd 2004 - 09:47:20 AM

Name: DJ Bob
Reporting in from: Gotham City
ENTRY: TV or NOT TV...

...that is the question.
Yesterday I got contacted by my ex-agent. I won't tell his name, but I'll give you this clue from one of my favorite classic films, Billy Wilder's SOME LIKE IT HOT. Whenever the bandleader, Sweet Sue, has a problem with the girls, she always calls for the road manager by bellowing "Bienstock!" The ex wanted to know if I'm currently represented because he knows of something I'd be perfect for right here in New York City.

I was with his agency for a total of two years and I never had one single audition. That's why I left. About a month or two before our contract ended, he called me with something else he thought I'd be perfect for -- are you sitting down? He couldn't tell me the exact TV station or the exact city because the gig wasn't officially available at the time but he wanted to submit me for "...a sports anchor job somewhere in the deep South." Horrified, I wrote those words down as he said them.

Now wouldn't THAT have been festive? My Black & Blue State ass in a Red State saying "Hello, Sportsfans! Let's talk about ....ICE CAPADES! That frozen delight is coming to town and local tryouts were held today. When it comes to cutting Figure 8's, these hopefuls aren't just whistling Dixie!"

Jesus AND Dr. Martin Luther King would have wept.

What the hell was he thinking? Bless his heart, but ex marks the spot. I'm fine where I am. Do you have any agent horror stories? Write them in the guestbook.
Thursday, December 2nd 2004 - 07:31:42 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: QUEER EYE with BAD VISION

This morning, I left my apartment building, headed down the street and gasped at the fashion mess standing on the sidewalk with a cellphone glued to his ear. As I got closer and stood just inches away from him, I realized that it was Carson from QUEER EYE.

You know that bitch is makin' a good buck. Can't she afford a full-length mirror? Carson had combined the fashion styles of our American soldiers fighting in Fallouja with Hello Kitty. Try to imagine if Stevie Wonder got stoned and then decorated a window at Old Navy for the holidays and you have the general attitude.

As my late partner used to say, "I've got two words for that outfit -- 'Girl, no'." Sign the guestbook.
Tuesday, November 30th 2004 - 11:53:38 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: NOW PLAYING

Combining CGI and live action special effects, Bobby Rivers lends his talents to a new holiday classic. He plays a lonely, middle-aged, local New York TV reporter who tries to reclaim his "inner child" and find Santa Claus by visiting his long-divorced mother in a small midwestern town.

She warmly invites him into the house, out of the cold. He spent well over a decade paying off her mortgage. Now she wants to move to a bigger place in a livelier city. He says, "How will you pay for it? My contract wasn't renewed and you quit working in 1982." She quickly reminds him of how difficult a C-section birth he was. "I could've died bringing you into this world," she says. He changes the subject and gives her a Christmas present. It's a lovely designer scarf from Saks Fifth Avenue in a beautiful giftbox. She gives him a pack of one dozen Bic ballpoint pens wrapped in tissue paper with a stick-on bow. "You do a lot of writing, don't you?" He smiles co-dependently and replies, "Thanks, Mom." She goes into the kitchen to prepare dinner and brags about how his younger married brother is busy procreating in California. "Go wash your hands, honey. By the way -- you're not still gay, are you?" He goes into the bathroom with his overcoat and pulls out three little blue bottles of vodka that he got in flight and guzzles them all, wishing that a train would appear out of nowhere and just mow him down.

See Bobby Rivers in THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS at a theater near you.

Friday, November 26th 2004 - 09:52:58 AM

Name: LL "Cool" Bob
Reporting in from: New Jack City
ENTRY: HAPPY THANKSGIVING ONE AND ALL

Somewhere in Southern California, a Hispanic woman had to leave home at the crack of dawn to take a bus to the palatial home of a star from the sitcoms "Cheers" and "Veronica's Closet."

That woman was riding the bus thinking, "Aie dios mio, I have to cook two big turkeys for tonight's dinner party -- one for the guests...and one for Miss Kirstie Alley. Aie dios mio."

Let's give thanks for the working class. Count your blessings.
Thursday, November 25th 2004 - 08:08:56 AM

Reporting in from: NYCity
ENTRY: A WING and a PRAYER

Tomorrow is the beginning of a long holiday weekend. Happy Thanksgiving! It's also our first Red State vs Blue State Thanksgiving since the last election. Gee. Just think of all the Americans who will try to bite their tongues while also swallowing turkey at the family table. I hope you're all keeping journals.

Some will gather 'round the TV to watch the Macy's Parade. Remember the first parade right after 9/11 and how nervous we were? We were scared that the giant turkey would blow up and spew anthrax all over the crowd? Then we were scared that Al Roker would blow up and spew anthrax all over the crowd? Now things have settled down. The country is more afraid of a couple of lesbians in Kansas City holding hands in a mall. Personally, my mom in the Midwest wrote me that she has no problem with me being gay -- she just doesn't want me in her house. That means I'll be saving money on holiday travel this year.

I'll be around this Thanksgiving weekend and I have no big plans. I might do some cooking. If you like dark meat, call me.

I pray you can all count our blessings while you're carving the bird. Sign the guestbook.
Wednesday, November 24th 2004 - 07:42:55 AM

Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: WHAT'S UP with DOWNEY?

A talented but narcotically-troubled actor has gone musical. His first solo CD comes out this week.
Most of the tunes that he sings on it are new to me. So here is "My Top 5 List of Classic Tunes That Robert Downey, Jr Could Have Covered on His New CD But Didn't":

5. Baby, Baby, Don't Get Hooked On Me
4. I Want a New Drug
3. White Rabbit
2. The Theme to "Valley of the Dolls"
1. (Wasted Away Again in) Margaritaville

Happy Thanksgiving. Sign the guestbook.
Monday, November 22nd 2004 - 03:47:29 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: FEATS OF CLAY

I'm back from the bookstore. I went to Barnes & Noble where the front tables are stocked with the new hardcover autobiography of -- Clay Aiken. Yes, Clay Aiken. The runner-up on American Idol. He's what...about 15?

His book is written as a series of life lessons that will inspire other youngsters to grow up and be like -- Clay Aiken. Some adults may feel that having one Clay Aiken already is just as good an argument for contraception as anything else you can think of, but some of you may actually want to put his book on your holiday gift list.

What a lovely present it would be for those folks who gave you fruitcake on Christmases Past. Don't you think?

Sunday, November 21st 2004 - 01:38:36 PM

Reporting in from: Los Angeles
ENTRY: THEY DIED FOR ME

Over this weekend, I read that a racist died. Two months before the assassination of President Kennedy, a former Klansman named Bobby Frank Cherry killed four little girls when he bombed a Baptist church in Birmingham, Alabama. That crime occurred a few days after the court-ordered desegregation of Birmingham's schools. It made headlines all over the world and it's said to have been the incendiary incident that ignited the civil rights movement. The brutal, untimely death of those children still effects my life today.

In the early 1960s, Black people were still fighting for the right to vote, fighting for the right to an education, fighting for the right to sit at a non-segregated lunch counter, to date and marry outside their race, and to use a clean toilet. In America. As a kid in the '60s and '70s, I wanted to study hard and make a contribution in a field that Black folks had been denied entry. I remembered what those girls died for and it should hot be forgotten. It's one reason why I vote. It's why I write things like this. It's one reason I chose to be a broadcaster and, hopefully, talk about the arts. In my youth, network execs had high drama back in the 60s because white British pop star Petula Clark dared to touch her special guest, Harry Belafonte, during a duet. They held hands. She called America on its racism. Think of how different it is today. White women (and some men too, I'm sure) want to hug Denzel Washington when he's on with Oprah, smalltown white boys would have a tooth removed to get a kiss from Beyonce on MTV. When I was on VH1, I interviewed Paul McCartney. I asked him how he felt having been influenced by Black artists when he became a Beatle and then playing to American audiences full of only white faces at a time when Dr. King was leading the Civil Rights Movement. He loved the question and had quite a lot to say. The fact that I had studied and worked up to gaining the opportunity to ask him that question in London on national television...well, I give thanks and blessings to the life and deaths of those girls and Dr. King. I could not have gotten there without them.

One of the finest works ever done by director Spike Lee is his documentary called FOUR LITTLE GIRLS. It didn't get nearly the attention it deserved in its theatrical release. Lee interviewed surviving relatives of the girls and presented morgue photos ramming home the sheer evil of racism. When he was promoting the documentary, I interviewed him and the father of one of the victims. The father, a strong and eloquent man, spoke of how ignorant black-on-black crime amongst young men is when you look at why that Birmingham crime was committed. Off-camera, Spike told me that he wished Hollywood didn't just see him as a "BLACK" filmmaker. He didn't get offers to direct something like a new Batman sequel, which he would've enthusiastically considered. On-camera, he said that racism still exists and still needs to be defeated.

In all the years of local news that I've done, rarely have I been as proud of a taped feature I did as that one. I felt it was imporant. Unfortunately, it was never promoted. It aired, but it was not mentioned in the morning show's commercial that aired the day before. Instead, new weight loss tips were highlighted.
The crime that made international headlines for one week in 1963 and changed racial history in America was not as important as fighting cellulite to some white local news executives.

And so it goes. I remember what those girls died for. Spike Lee remembers what they died for -- and so do their survivors. Spike's documentary is worth a look today. As for the racist who died, I'm quite sure he will not rest in peace.
Sunday, November 21st 2004 - 09:30:58 AM

Name: Senor Rios
Reporting in from: Nueva York
ENTRY: PAGING BOBBY

Here's a shameless plug for your weekend reading pleasure. There's a whole page of ME in a national periodical currently on the stands in fine stores like Barnes & Noble and Borders. INSTINCT MAGAZINE can be found in the Men's Interest section of the magazine stands along with GQ and Esquire. I'm on page 52 of the November issue. If you want to see the cover, just go to my homepage. If you want to see page 52, go to the store. Here in New York City, I usually get a 1-or-2 line mention with no photo in The Post from time to time. The L.A. staff of INSTINCT gave me a whole page with a pic. Praise Jesus!

It's a very funny interview, if I say so m'self. Have a nice weekend.
Friday, November 19th 2004 - 11:53:19 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: MAKE TIME FOR WHOOPI

What do Whoopi Goldberg, Queen Latifah and Oprah Winfrey have in common? All three Black women are Oscar® nominees who also have national talkshow hosting work to their credits. As for Whoopi, she may be the only Black woman who has two nominations to her credit. She was a Best Actress contender for THE COLOR PURPLE. She took the Best Supporting Actress gold for GHOST. She was the first woman and the first Black person to host the Oscar festivities. In her extensive TV work, she produced a hit revival of a classic gameshow, THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES, and also appeared as a regular in its opening seasons. She's worked on Broadway. In the hit revival of A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM, she took on a lead role originally done by a man. Why do I mention all this? Because, when it comes time for Black History Month, no one ever remembers Whoopi Goldberg. She has kicked open many doors for racial diversity in show business. When I had a primetime talkshow on VH1 in the late '80s, she was one of my guests. What a great guest she was. Smart and funny and outspoken. At that time, many white folks wondered aloud why she made some of the movies she did -- JUMPIN' JACK FLASH, BURGLAR, FATAL BEAUTY. Acting is not a weekday, 9-5 job. Especially for ethnic performers. She had to pay the bills like we all do. She was not being deluged with scripts like a Demi Moore. In fact, some of those scripts had the fingerprints of white stars on them before they got to her. SISTER ACT was slated for Bette Midler. Like Lena Horne in the early 1940s, Whoopi Goldberg was "so talented that Hollywood just didn't know what to do with her." Even after a Best Actress Oscar nomination. I've gotten that same back-handed compliment myself in TV. I went into local news in the early '90s with exclusive national talkshow interviews of these folks (to name a few) on my resume: Paul McCartney, Carlos Santana, Kirk Douglas, Meryl Streep, Michael Caine, Norman Mailer, Dominic Dunne, Anne Rice, Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton, film directors James L. Brooks, Spike Lee, Alan Parker and Sidney Lumet.

Local news execs didn't know what to do with me. I suggested they let me cover entertainment. They assigned me outdoor lifestyle liveshots -- at shopping malls, benefit bake sales, and such. I doubt that would've happened to Billy Bush or Tom Bergeron. But that was race in the '90s. An educated Black person would have to work twice as hard for half as much while watching someone like Kato Kaelin go from court to being a guest correspondent on E! How many magazine covers has Whoopi graced in 2004? As many as Paris Hilton? I doubt it. Yet look at her number of achievements since THE COLOR PURPLE.

I've been jobhunting since July. I needed a laugh. Two of my dearest friends came to town. We saw Whoopi onstage in the anniversary revival of her one-woman show, directed by Mike Nichols. What a great night. Characters like Fontaine have ripened with age and current political events. Young audiences need to see it. The characters are wise, flawed, incisive, educational and provocative. They are, above all, memorable. Because Whoopi is funny, I think that fans and critics often forget how strong an actress she is. The brilliance and discipline of her craft really come across when she plays the woman with cerebral palsy who becomes the object of a man's affection.

I'm a guest on Frank DeCaro's national show tonight on Sirius Satellite Radio, the future home of Howard Stern.
Check my homepage for more info. I plan to rave about the importance of WHOOPI! on Broadway at the Lyceum Theatre.

A couple of years ago, an Irish Catholic buddy of mine told me that his little girl was disappointed in school one day. In these politically correct times, her class had to write a short report on someone for Black History Month. She was disappointed because another little girl had already picked Oprah. We usually see the same faces year after year after year for those Black history featurettes on television -- Frederick Douglass, Langston Hughes, Rosa Parks, and that brutha with the peanuts, George Washington Carver. Bless their hearts. We should take another look at some contemporary faces -- like Whoopi Goldberg's. She's really done a lot and I, for one, appreciate it.

Sign the guestbook and lend an ear tonight at 10.
Friday, November 19th 2004 - 09:38:44 AM

Reporting in from: Noo Yawk
ENTRY: SEXIEST MAN ALIVE

Hey, Jude! Give your publicist a raise! People Magazine voted Jude Law the "Sexiest Man Alive." He is a very talented, handsome actor. If you've followed my blogs, you know that I moderated a one-hour press conference for The LawMan when he was in town promoting his work as a shag-meister in ALFIE. If you want to see a surprising movie with great acting and some scenes so emotionally raw and touching that tears will well up in your eyes, rent the original starring Michael Caine. The new spin is festively attired eye-candy of color, clothing and characters. In the original, Alfie gets a Moral Values showdown encounter from -- of all people -- an abortionist. Jude Law definitely has the chops to have handled a scene of similar grit but he didn't get the chance. Although it's a great date movie, compared to Michael Caine's original version from the 1960s, Jude's is sort of Alfie Lite.

In person, Jude was very charming with his skinny self. Also, he's got an accent. Chicks dig an accent. Hell, dudes dig an accent. However, Mick Jagger was sexier! Jude was rather shy. His direct eye contact was fleeting. Mick was sassy, smart and funny and comfortable in his middle-aged, well-toned skin. There was a twinkle in his eye for women AND men. THAT was sexy. But would he make the People Magazine list? Hell, no. Today's trendy periodicals give you the attitude that sex and sex appeal jump right off the plank as soon as you hit your 40s. Personally, I've had the best sex of my life in my 40s...AND it was with another person.

Who would I pick as the Sexiest Man Alive? I liked Hugh Jackman in the first X-Men movie -- without the Chaka Khan fingernails. He was hot. However, do you know who I'd put on the cover of that magazine? Spanish actor Javier Bardem. Can you say "Caliente"? I bet you can. He's a brilliant actor. American audiences noticed him in BEFORE NIGHT FALLS, the film that got him an Oscar nomination. Any actor who would bullfight in the nude has balls -- as you can see for yourself in JAMON, JAMON. That foreign film is over 10 years old. If it was a Hollywood film about to be released today, it would be at the center of a media and ratings frenzy. Two men, who are best friends, enter a bullring at night totally naked and challenge the bull. It's an important scene because it sets up a certain social and political attitude. It also shows you how brave and committed foreign actors are to the director's vision.

Besides being a damn good actor, Bardem is "push your grandmama under a bus" handsome. Check out his work. Yes, a lot of it is subtitled. Get over yourself and see some fine filmmaking...starring the dude who is sexier than Jude.
Thursday, November 18th 2004 - 08:10:21 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: PRIVATE SECRETARY

Is it just me or do Secretary of State nominee Condoleezza Rice and President Bush look like the Republican answer to Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake?

What a country.
Tuesday, November 16th 2004 - 05:15:46 PM

Reporting in from: Radio City
ENTRY: O.D.B=D.O.A.

Last week, it was MGM musical star, Howard Keel. Now this.

Another rapper is gone. Ol' Dirty Bastard, one of the founding members of Wu-Tang Clan, is dead of an apparent cardiac failure. O.D.B. had a history of drug abuse, however, it's reported that he was clean at the time he clutched his chest.

The father of 13 children, he had done time in prison and in a mental hospital. He will probably be canonized tonight during The American Music Awards telecast on ABC.

I pray that he's at peace and I also pray that his obit will be read tomorrow on the CBS Evening News. I really want to hear Dan Rather say, "..his most celebrated work can be heard on the albums 'Enter the Wu-Tang,' 'Wu-Tang Forever,' and 'Nigga Please.' Ol' Dirty Bastard was 35. We'll be right back."

Sign the guestbook.
Sunday, November 14th 2004 - 09:19:25 AM

Reporting in from: The Big Apple
ENTRY: MY PAL VAL KILMER

I'm so flattered! A top New York City newspaper columnist read one of my previous blogs and asked me if what I wrote about actor Val Kilmer is true. Yes!
If you look for the entry THOU SHALT NOT KIL-MER, you'll learn about the loopy encounter I had with him back in my VH1 days. In that entry, I really cut him some slack because the message he left on my answering machine was really longer -- more like 3 and a half minutes. For most of that time, he was doing an imitation of Elvis.

The entry title refers to Val's recent Los Angeles theatre production. Are you ready? He starred in a musical version of ....THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. The review in Entertainment Weekly magazine was so awful, it was screamingly funny. Apparently, so were all the others. If I'd been the play's director, I would've had Val stand onstage alone at the end of Act One with a burning bush behind him and belt out "Everything's Coming Up Moses."

But does anyone in showbiz ever listen to me? No.
Sign the guestbook. Big kiss.
Saturday, November 13th 2004 - 07:42:39 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: SEX EDUCATION

The fine new film, KINSEY, has opened. To read my comments on it, go into the archives and scroll down until you find the entry *Bobby on Film* followed by "Come here, you little prick nibbler." (That's a line from the movie, not a direct order.)

This is quite the season for big movie bios -- KINSEY, FINDING NEVERLAND has another solid performance from Johnny Depp as the man who wrote "Peter Pan," and then there's RAY, featuring a fierce and fabulous performance by Jamie Foxx. Even if your feet hurt, drag yourself to see that one. Foxx's work will leave you awestruck. The next bio I'm waiting for is Oliver Stone's great big Greek-active epic, ALEXANDER, starring Colin Farrell.

I'll see you at the movies. XOXOXOX
Friday, November 12th 2004 - 08:33:57 AM

Reporting in from: A Blue State
ENTRY: FCC ya later, soldier

Private Ryan survived the Nazis in France during the D-Day Invasion of World War II only to be done in by the sight of one woman's titty here in the United States of America.

You've probably heard that some ABC affiliates are not airing tonight's special network salute to Veteran's Day, the uncut version of Steven Spielberg's SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. It's aired before, but ever since the now-infamous Janet Jackson Superbowl moment, the FCC is gunning to heavily fine stations permitting foul language. The Tom Hanks war movie has men saying bad words in combat. Some cities won't be able to see it because station owners are nervous about being financially penalized.

However, not only can you purchase a tape of Paris Hilton blowing her boyfriend like a tuba, you can also see her in primetime because her reality show has been renewed for another season on Fox.

Happy Veteran's Day.
Thursday, November 11th 2004 - 06:49:42 PM

Reporting in from: FunkyTown
ENTRY: MADONNA DONE TOLD ME

Madonna, on British radio, called for America to withdraw its troops in Iraq. The pop diva, now living in London, said "My feelings are 'Can we just all get out?' "

Wow. That's exactly what all of us ticketbuyers in the audience said trying to sit through that last movie of hers, "Swept Away."

Tuesday, November 9th 2004 - 09:47:15 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: DEAR DIARY,

At last, it happened. I had a date last weekend. He was a sweet, handsome middle-aged bear of a guy -- kind of like Tom Hanks making a fire in "Cast Away."

We met for a casual dinner and hit it off instantly. He told me that he's dyslexic. I told him that I'm lactose intolerant. We skipped the creme brulee and tapioca dessert specials and just had coffee instead.

Then he invited me up to his upper west side apartment for a drink. Oh, joy! Rapture! I accepted. In the middle of Scotch and sodas, passion made a surprise appearance. He grabbed me, kissed me hard and said "I want you -- I want you to sock my duck."

Somehow...I just couldn't. I came back home. But it sure was fun while it lasted.

Tuesday, November 9th 2004 - 09:41:29 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: For BLACK HISTORY MONTH

Casting is underway in Los Angeles for an actor to play the lead in NBC's 2-hour TV bio entitled "The Gary Coleman Story." Shooting will begin in February, which is Black History Month.

I'm not making this up, you know. From "I have a dream" to "What you talk'n' 'bout, Willis?", my people have come a long, long way. I pray to God that someone films the auditions for a behind-the-scenes documentary.

Monday, November 8th 2004 - 09:27:40 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: REQUIRED VIEWING

Check out the documentary BUSH'S BRAIN. It's kind of a '50s sci-fi movie title, but it's about the man Bush thanked in his re-election victory speech, "..the architect, Karl Rove." He's the notoriously ruthless powerhouse on the White House team who really got Bush elected. I was moved by FAHRENHEIT 9/11, but I feel that often Moore's gimmickry "jumps the shark." When you see him making political statements from an ice cream truck loudspeaker, it dilutes the power of product and makes him laughable with a subject that's no laughing matter. BUSH'S BRAIN is straight-forward and direct. A Viet Nam vet who lost his son-in-law in Iraqi combat and cries as he talks about the senselessness of war had me in tears.
I saw it on cable last night and it will be repeated. For times, go to www.sundancechannel.com.

Sunday, November 7th 2004 - 02:04:43 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: DEAR DIARY,

It's Sunday. In the Arts & Leisure section of today's New York Times, on page 9, there's an ad for an off-Broadway show that begins previews on December 1st.

The ad reads: "In the heart of Paris, who knows what you'll find....UNDER THE BRIDGE. A new musical.
Book and lyrics by Kathie Lee Gifford."

The horror.....the horror.

Sunday, November 7th 2004 - 08:21:08 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: DEAR DIARY:

This morning, while cleaning, I found a little brochure handed out to possible demonstrators by the New York Civil Liberties Union during the Republican National Convention. The brochure is entitled "What To Do If You're Stopped By The Police." Some of the suggestions are as follows:

*Stay calm and in control of your words, body language and emotions.
*Remember that anything you say or do can be used against you.
*Don't resist, even if you believe you are innocent.
*Ask for a lawyer immediately if you are arrested.
*Write down everything you remember ASAP.
*Try to find witnesses and their names and phone numbers.

Diary, shouldn't we keep the same tips in mind when trying to get through a Thanksgiving dinner with the family? Frankly, I think so. But that's just me.

Saturday, November 6th 2004 - 12:25:04 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Following My INSTINCT

Last night, the fab staff of INSTINCT Magazine held its Big Apple party for the November issue at the Dylan Hotel. I attended. With a straight date. If you've seen that excellent new movie SIDEWAYS, we had the same exact dynamic. The handsome, irresponsible, lovable lamebrain of an actor and the very responsible, not-so-handsome, loveless chum who seems to have a talent for writing but not for getting anything published.

Although a little of his behavior would've made the "Duh!" Hall of Fame, he was good company. I tried to get a gay date for two weeks prior, but no luck. Parties, such as that one, are also networking events. Gay networking events have a totally different vibe than straight ones. Straight guys network, first and foremost, to get more or better business. Gay men network to get laid. Consequently, it's difficult to get any business done because they're nearly blinded by their own dicks in the faces -- like the erect Victorians in drawings by Aubrey Beardsley.

INSTINCT picked me as one of its Leading Men of the year -- gay men making a positive contribution in their careers and men who aren't usually put in the spotlight. I am so proud to be in that issue. Honestly, to have done gay humor on TV before being gay and being Black were really mainstream was not easy. My career has not been easy. I fought to get more gay positive features on local news during my years as a staff reporter, yet I never quite felt that the community was giving me any attention solely because I'm not eye-candy. A straight hunk can hold another man's hand for five seconds in a TV movie and get an award from GLAAD for his acting bravery. I've done gay material on TV since the late 80s, raised money for AIDS organizations on live TV, talked to stars about the need for gay acceptance in Hollywood and talked about safe sex, but I've never even been invited to a GLAAD dinner. I'll say it again -- only in New York City can you be Black, Catholic, gay, host a weekly show on national television and still be obscure. What the East Coast hasn't noticed, the West Coast did.

I was able to thank the L.A. editors in person for their attention. My straight buddy and I left the party and went to a bar in Chelsea for a nightcap. A cute dude recognized me from Food Network, came over and introduced himself. He was very friendly and a fan of "Top 5."

And then he asked me if chef Tyler Florence is as hot in person as he looks on TV.

I ordered a double.

Friday, November 5th 2004 - 10:42:45 AM

Reporting in from: nyc
ENTRY: ACROSS THE POND

I have become a big fan of BBC News coverage. During the first GWB election, the Brits reported on how Black Americans were being suspiciously turned away from voting in Florida. It was the kind of thorough, revealing and aggressive reporting we should have gotten here.

This morning, I watched the BBC News. It had global to Bush winning the presidency for a second term. Brits were stunned. The French were stunned. So were some citizens in Brazil. One representative in Germany, trying to be as diplomatic as possible, said that many people there were shocked. Shocked.

Now..considering the history that GERMANY has had since 1938 alone..if they can't believe who Americans elected to the presidency this week, then we are in deep doo-doo.

If you have access to BBC News, I urge you to watch it and get a world view that will often include a look at American life you've not seen. Log onto www.bbcamerica.com, check out its other sites, and learn something.

Thursday, November 4th 2004 - 02:39:56 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Monica Lewinski blew the wrong president.

Thursday, November 4th 2004 - 11:54:45 AM

Reporting in from: New York (D)
ENTRY: BUSH WINS PRESIDENCY / AMERICA LOSES MIND

Well, it happened. Obviously, souls in Hell right now are relaxing with tall, frosty Mint Juleps and hoping that the sudden shift in temperature will "stay the course." The only good thing to come out of this is that Bill Maher will have four more years of material on HBO. He needs Bush like the ax needs the turkey.

What did we learn? We learned that millions of Americans are afraid of Osama bin Laden -- and the two retired male interior decorators who've been living together peacefully down the block for 15 years. How dare they want to make their commitment legal! The sacrament of marriage and its financial benefits are only for heterosexuals -- you know...people like Scott Peterson, Dennis Rodman, J.Lo, Kobe Bryant and Britney Spears.

The rich will get rich and the poor will get poorer. Jobhunting broadcasters like me will clip coupons while watching under-talented, over-aged frat boys like Billy Bush (a presidential relative) make more and more TV money. Hey, it's good to be related to The King! Especially when you work on a pro-King network. A woman's body remains one of the biggest political battlegrounds on earth, and a woman's free will is without a declaration of independence. Moral Values. Does that mean Christians who oppose abortion can blow up buildings and people in the name of the lord while we fight terrorism on foreign shores? Bush will claim to have compassion for the AIDS crisis. When's the last time you saw a condom commercial on primetime national television? They exist. Do you ever see them, like you see ads for beer and Viagra? Nope. I don't buy Bush's compassion, which apparently you have to do. Did you ever see W. visit an AIDS hospice here in the US? No. Did you see Reagan visit one? No. In the mid-80s, when intellectual New York socialites thought they could contract AIDS simply by being in the same room with a gay man who sneezed, we saw national footage of two famous Americans embracing AIDS victims. Those two were not politicians. They were Doris Day and Elizabeth Taylor. Movie stars. THAT was compassion.

And the media! We've seen the collective balls of the press corps shrink down to the size of Raisenettes in the last two years. Freedom of the Press has gone the way of lava lamps and HealthCare. I hated seeing the press morph into being the official White House stenographer. The media needs to grow those two bad boys back -- big, hairy, leathery, low-hangers that drag when they walk like a caveman's club.

Perhaps I need to mainstream myself. I feel like I saw Nero playing the fiddle while Rome burned, but the population ignored the fire because it was too busy dancing to the music. Country music. Maybe I need to buy some good ol' boy country CDs. And a gun. As a black, gay, Democrat male in America who believes in a loving and just God...I just might need some protection in the next four years.

Send me your comments or sign the guestbook.

Wednesday, November 3rd 2004 - 02:12:58 PM

Reporting in from: Los Angeles
ENTRY: ELECTORAL COLLEGE DAYS

Network newspeople have gathered all the contestants from SURVIVOR and BIG BROTHER for interviews. We've seen network specials with all the hook-up candidates from THE BACHELOR and THE BACHELORETTE. Network morning news programs have presented live weddings after viewers voted on which gown the bride should wear. They've had their own versions of AMERICAN IDOL.

But have they ever shown us the members of the Electoral College? I don't think so. I have heard about that political body ever since I was in high school. I know that the Electoral College really puts a president in the White House. Four years ago, we all learned the hard way that the Electoral College has more power than we the people do when it comes to voting. Well, my question is -- what do those muthafuckas look like? They have that much power over the majority of us voters and we couldn't identify them in a line-up? That's just wrong! Do they look like that dude on the Quaker Oats box? Do they look like Nick Nolte's mugshot? Do they look like The Clintons or Gomez & Morticia Addams? I want to know. Personally, I think it's high time for the Electoral College to report to a big American boardroom for a special national edition of THE APPRENTICE, so we can all shout "You're fired!" Then we go to that grand ol' way of voting we grew up with in school, church, and the workplace -- the one who gets the most votes from the voters wins.

I want some highly-paid network news pro to show me the faces in the Electoral College. I want to know how they got there. Did they have really high SAT scores? What do they do? How do they do it? How do they get paid? Who pays them? What are their references? If Katie Couric is making enough money to purchase Guam, she can spend some time rounding up that college for Q&A on TODAY.

One last thing -- if I see that organization and I see that it's comprised of conservative men who are whiter than Trent Lott's last Christmas, I'll be the first one marching right behind Al Sharpton.

God Bless America.

Monday, November 1st 2004 - 08:13:40 AM

Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: GOD BLESS AMERICA

Personally, when George W. Bush goes to work next year, I'd like it if he had to say, "Will that be paper or plastic?" But that's just me.

It's our American right and privilege to vote. For all y'all Black folks reading this, remember that our people were dying for the right to vote, for the right to education, for the right to use a clean restroom in the early 1960s.
For you gay men here in Chelsea, I know you may never go into a booth unless it's after midnight and you have a handful of tokens, but you need to leave the party scene early, wake up and pay attention to this election.

If you don't know where to vote in your area or if you have not registered, go to www.justvote.org and get all the info you need.

Let freedom ring.

Sunday, October 31st 2004 - 12:33:10 PM

Reporting in from: Nueva York
ENTRY: I STILL LOVE "LUCY"

There should be an award named in honor of the late Desi Arnaz. That Cuban was a revolutionary network TV producer, a skilled comic actor, an impressive dramatic one when given the opportunity, and a slammin' musician. Because of Desi's TV production savvy, Kevin Costner had a bigscreen hit version of THE UNTOUCHABLES, we have the STAR TREK franchise, and Tom Cruise acted butch in MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE movies. Those were based on shows that got greenlights from a TV studio that Desi created.

When we babyboomers were kids, we heard that there was an episode of I LOVE LUCY playing somewhere in the world every hour. That's no longer the case. However, it might apply to reruns of FRIENDS. I used to watch FRIENDS, but I stopped after the second or third season. I did not care to watch the finale. I don't think I was the only Black or Latino person in that category. In fact, I think that the number of Blacks & Latinos in America who did catch that finale was probably smaller than the Straight Pride Parade down Castro Street in San Francisco.

How could you have a show about six trendy young adults living in downtown Manhattan and not have any ethnic faces? This is nothing against the wonderful cast and the excellent writing, but what were the producers and casting people thinking? That show should've had a Rosie Perez or Taye Diggs from the git-go. I loved MAD ABOUT YOU but, as the seasons rolled on, that too disappointed me in that aspect. One episode had Helen Hunt's character and her mother seeing the Broadway hit BRING IN DA NOISE, BRING IN DA FUNK starring Savion Glover. In the intermission lobby scene, there were hardly any Black background actors. I saw that play three times and, each time, the audience was very ethnically mixed. As for SEINFELD, apparently a whole bunch of white folks thought it would be funny for a lead character to set the flag of Puerto Rico on fire accidentally. In New York City. That's the one episode you won't see in syndication. Can you imagine if the George Lopez sitcom family visited New York City and accidentally set the Israeli flag on fire during a parade? How do you say "high drama" in Spanish?

Let's look at some key elements often overlooked in I LOVE LUCY, a sitcom that's 50 years old. Lucy & Ricky Ricardo had an inter-racial, bilingual marriage. Behind the scenes, that made CBS network execs very nervous. The Latino husband was a hard-working man who was dedicated to his working class family and made time to be a good father. Their best friends were an older couple. Inter-racial, bilingual and inter-generational with a positive image of the Latino male. That's truer to the Manhattan I know than FRIENDS was.

Love ya, Lucy. And Desi -- thank you very, very much.

Sunday, October 31st 2004 - 09:07:57 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: DEAR DIARY:

Last Wednesday, Oprah had on women who were married for years and then discovered that their husbands were really homosexuals with secret lovers.

In Hollywood, isn't that called "Scientology"? Just curious.

Friday, October 29th 2004 - 08:04:45 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS

A senior friend of mine in Southern California and I were chatting about reality shows and young celebs, like those Hilton sisters. She asked a very interesting question. "Where are the Einsteins and Martin Luther Kings and President Kennedys and Leonard Bernsteins of tomorrow going to come from? What about tomorrow's dedicated doctors and teachers?"

That is something to think about. Shows from SURVIVOR to THE APPRENTICE give primetime lessons in ego and corporate backstabbing. THE BACHELORETTE is a whoopee cushion on the seat of feminism. Millions of young adults want to be like Donald Trump. How many want to be like Mother Teresa? I cried when I heard that Christopher Reeve died. Didn't he show us that spirit and character mean more than bling-bling and being a hunk?

Nonetheless, decades from now, today's youth will cry to hear a report such as this: "Celebrity socialite Paris Hilton died today of injuries sustained while trying to milk a bull for her upcoming TV special called THE SIMPLE LIFE: DOWN ON THE FARM IN RETIREMENT CITY. In her later years, Paris Hilton was a staunch advocate of stemware research. Taking her cause to Capitol Hill, she said '...even if minority people could -- like -- afford crystal, they should have access to research, so they -- like -- get the best quality possible. That's hot.' "

Frankly, I'm concerned.

Thursday, October 28th 2004 - 09:16:30 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: Follow your INSTINCT

Only in New York can you be Black, Catholic, gay, host a weekly show on national television and still be obscure. Not so to media folks in L.A.

What does Bobby Rivers have in common with Michael Stipe of R.E.M. fame, Carson Kressley of "Queer Eye," Graham Norton, Alan Cumming and John Tartaglia of the Broadway hit "Avenue Q"? INSTINCT MAGAZINE out of Los Angeles picked us for its November cover feature, "The Leading Men of 2004." The award-winning, upscale gay men's magazine has been spotlighted on "Access Hollywood." I am so honored to be in the company of men I admire -- so flattered that the INSTINCT staff not only knew my body of work, but feels I've made a positive contribution with my broadcast career, helping to get more regard for black and gay people in the entertainment workplace.

Last fall, I wrote and performed a one-man stage show in which I talked about my hard time ten years ago caring for my partner who was dying of AIDS while I was also working as "the comical liveshot guy" on a WNBC local morning newscast. My show ran for a month and we couldn't get one lick of local press. Lonely actors have said that an audience is a wonderful thing, but you can't take an audience home with you at night. Well, I could. My audiences were that small. This fall, INSTINCT noticed that I was brave enough to get up onstage and tell my story. The attention is truly appreciated, no matter how long it took.

By the way, I've got a primetime special airing this Thursday on FOOD NETWORK. I promise you it'll be more entertaining than McENROE on CNBC. Look in my *Upcoming* section for more details.

Tuesday, October 26th 2004 - 10:58:37 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THOU SHALT NOT KIL-MER

I have butted heads with actor Val Kilmer. Years ago, during my VH1 time, I was scheduled to tape an interview of him when he was promoting WILLOW. He showed up so late, I wanted to make him an honorary "colored person." Over one hour. When he finally did arrive, I'd broken the crew for lunch. He was stunned that no camera people were present and copped an attitude. I said, "You wouldn't do this to Ron Howard, I bet." We had words, the frazzled publicist intervened and we re-scheduled for the next day. Then, he showed up early and with a gift. For me. It was a book of his poetry.

Yep. I own a book of poetry by actor Val Kilmer:

"..caution. I SAID CAUTION. THIS TRUCK MAKES WIDE TURNS. Near Flagstaff..." That's on page 12.

Val and I made up. We even went out to dinner. Weeks later, he left me a 3:00 message on my answering machine telling me that he'd just auditioned for Oliver Stone to play the lead in THE DOORS. By the way, he was pretending to be Elvis Presley as he left that long message which made me re-think giving my unlisted home number to movie stars in the future.

The current ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY has Jamie Foxx on the cover. If you get it, or if you're at a magazine stand, turn to page 79 and look for the caption "Lord Have Mercy." Only in Hollywood, could Val Kilmer star onstage in a musical version of THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. I'm not making this up, y'know. The review is a public stoning. And it's funny.

Personally, if I was directing that play, I would've had a chorus line of tapdancing Israelites do the "Moses Supposes" number from SINGIN' IN THE RAIN. But do theatrical people ever listen to me? No.

Enjoy your weekend.

Saturday, October 23rd 2004 - 09:41:34 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: Go Straight to SIDEWAYS

I still don't understand how Debbie Reynolds did not get a Best Actress nomination for MOTHER. I didn't understand how the Academy overlooked Dennis Quaid for FAR FROM HEAVEN and Richard Gere for CHICAGO.

If the Academy wants to redeem itself, it had better give an Oscar® nomination to Paul Giamatti for SIDEWAYS.
It's a simple movie that is simply wonderful. Also, I never thought I'd live long enough to see Virginia Madsen actually get some great material that matches her talent. I'll write more about SIDEWAYS later, because the actor character reminds me of every cool straight dude I roomed with in my life and the loveless writer reminded me of...well...me. No one plays awkwardness as gracefully as Giamatti. He gave a voice to my innermost feelings, even when he didn't say anything.

I've got two passes to a preview of RAY for this coming Wednesday. Am I gonna try to get a gay date like I did for my last four screenings? Heck, no! I've learned my lesson. Just like Ray Charles, I'm going to be a solo act.

Friday, October 22nd 2004 - 06:16:44 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: FOR SPORTS FANS

In midtown Manhattan, the bar & restaurant called "Mickey Mantle's" will be retitled the "Ted Williams Bar & Restaurant" in honor of the late, great Red Sox player, but only for the time that Boston plays in the World Series. Cleverly, the manager is getting publicity to lure Sox fans into his establishment.

Word has it that the tap beers at the Ted Williams bar will be really cold, but they won't have any heads on them.

Friday, October 22nd 2004 - 08:11:54 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: THEY DISSED the MISS

ABC has dropped its coverage of the annual Miss America Pageant because of declining ratings. This marks the first time since 1954 that the beauty contest has not had a network TV home.

Here's my suggestion -- bring it into the new millennium and blend in some reality freshness with MISS AMERICA'S GHETTO FEAR FACTOR. Take all the contestants to South Los Angeles. The only way they can get out is with a bus pass. But they have to win the bus passes in a food challenge. Wouldn't you tune in to see some white queens forced to eat pork rinds and chittlins in Compton? I know I would.

That's my network TV idea for the day.

Thursday, October 21st 2004 - 09:55:06 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: A NEW RACKET ON TV

Feisty tennis champ, John McEnroe, hosted a primetime gameshow for a few weeks on ABC. Now he has his own entertainment talkshow on CNBC. I've seen it a few times and, each time I watched, I sat with the same expression that was on the faces of the first nighters sitting through the "Springtime for Hitler" number in Mel Brooks' movie "The Producers." You can't believe a national show could be that bad.

National publications reported that twice McENROE registered a 0.0 in the ratings and once got a smaller audience than a repeat of "How to Boil Water" on Food Network.

For his primetime weeknight work, John McEnroe is getting a cool $1 million a year.

Here's my question: Is that network salary for real or is that news a plot by Al Queda intended to make talented, unemployed ethnic broadcasters in New York City just want to drink heavily and then jump off the Brooklyn Bridge?

Please let me know.

Wednesday, October 20th 2004 - 11:35:03 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: PROGRAMMING NOTE

New episodes of "Top 5" are still airing on Food Network. The show's new timeslot is Saturday nights at 11:30 et/pt. Thanks for your support -- especially those of you avid fans on the West Coast.

Love, Bobby

Monday, October 18th 2004 - 09:38:49 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: CAMP CUPCAKE

Not that I was ever a hardcore Martha Stewart fan, but I cannot believe that she is doing time and those EnRon crooks aren't. THAT is a crime.

I logged onto www.MarthaTalks.com to read her letter from prison. She refers to the facility as "the camp." In fact, she wrote that "...the camp is like an old-fashioned college campus..."

Hmmmm. Prison like a college campus? Let me think back to when I was a freshman --

I shared a small, cell-like space in an all-male residence...
In the cafeteria, the black guys sat with the black guys and the white guys sat with the white guys...
Guards were posted in the building...
There were visiting hours for loved ones...
And, when I was alone in the showers after midnight, one of the older guys came in and tried to bang me in the ass.

Yep. I guess prison IS like an old-fashioned college campus. Rock on, Martha.

Monday, October 18th 2004 - 08:33:11 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: MR. PRESIDENT

The movie JFK is on one of the HBO channels right now. I'm just old enough to remember getting word in elementary school that President Kennedy had been killed. I also remember how drastically and dramatically all scheduled television programming changed. From his assassination to his funeral, all America was glued to the TV for those four days in November. In fact, a brilliant documentary of that American tragedy was made and titled "Four Days in November." It's worth renting.

When President Reagan died, he'd been out of office for at least a decade. His funeral got FIVE days of coverage -- with services in Washington, DC and in California. Network anchors said that he was one of the greatest presidents since Lincoln but I didn't see a whole lot of Black people filing past the casket.

I think a lot of us Black folks would've liked a little more coverage of the Ray Charles funeral services around that same time.

I think JFK would've had more care for AIDS patients and the homeless than Reagan did. Kennedy said "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country."

That's just my opinion. TV and the definition of greatness sure have changed.

Sunday, October 17th 2004 - 06:06:09 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: DEAR DIARY,

Once again, no luck finding a date to go with me to the Olive Garden here in Chelsea. Why? Because the gay men in New York City "...don't do carbs." They'll do crystal meth, fly to Florida for a circuit party and have sex with total strangers but, God forbid, they should go to the Olive Garden and try the breadsticks. With me.
This is why I like straight guys. They eat carbs. They can be ready to go in ten minutes. And when you say "Let's get some beer and barbecue," they hear "Let's get some beer and barbecue." They don't hear "Let's have dinner, then register at Crate&Barrel, then drive to Vermont, get married and live together for the rest of our lives."
That's what gay men hear. They're afraid of commitment and all I want is to try the meat sauce fettucine.
Maybe the restaurant needs to make itself more attractive to Chelsea's gay male population. What if they changed their slogan to "The Olive Garden -- When you're queer, you're family"?
Just a thought. Oh, man, now I really want some breadsticks.

Sunday, October 17th 2004 - 07:04:02 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Now THAT'S Black History Month

Black History Month and the Academy Awards are now both in February. Next year, CHRIS ROCK will be the host of the Oscars®.

Go 'head on, my brutha! ABC is gonna have to hit the 5-second delay button so much, he'll look like a dubbed character in a 1950s sci-fi movie from Japan.

Thursday, October 14th 2004 - 03:51:16 PM

Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: THE BUSH LEAGUE

I made it a point to be home last night to see the last of the Presidential debates. Did you see it? Weren't you a little afraid when President Bush had to give his opinion on affirmative action? He paused, with that sort of clueless frat boy expression on his face, as if to keep himself from saying "Hot damn! Don't y'all see what I've done for affirmative action? I hired Colin Powell. And I got that really smart colored girl, Condoleezza, helpin' me to look for weapons of mass destruction. See? I love black people!"

He scares me. He really does.

Thursday, October 14th 2004 - 12:21:09 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: J.LO & J.LIP, Pt. 2

Anyone who knows me knows that my dream job would be hosting a show like INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO. In a world where Steven Cojocaru and Billy Bush can get big bucks as national entertainment reporters whose idea of a deep, provocative question is "Who did your dress?", James Lipton's quality time with truly talented actors was rainwater in a cultural desert of red carpet soundbites. Personally I prefer the early Lipton, when he looked like a regular guy and not like the accountant for The Village People. And before he booked Ben Affleck.
Did you see that episode? if I was Lipton, my last question would've been "If there is a heaven, which one of these films you made would disqualify you from entering it -- REINDEER GAMES, DAREDEVIL, PEARL HARBOR, JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK or GIGLI?"
Then, last Sunday, Jesus wept again. The newest woman to join a guest list of actresses that includes Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Kathy Bates, Sally Field and Faye Dunaway was...Jennifer Lopez. Don't ge me wrong. She's definitely a pop icon and a superstar. But has she starred in three hits that you can call Jennifer Lopez movies the way you can call PRETTY WOMAN, MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING and ERIN BROCKOVICH Julia Roberts movies? Nope. J.Lo looked fabulous and she was very sweet, but she had absolutely nothing substantial to say and J.Lip had nothing substantial to ask. After the first 20 minutes, I wanted to sream "Girl, please! Just go home and write some more thank-you notes for your most recent wedding presents!"
Over the summer, when Lipton booked Lopez, he told the New York Daily News that he was thrilled because "...we've never had a Latina before."
Yo, Lipton! Ever heard of Oscar® nominee Rosie Perez? What about Sandra Bullock? She's starred in more hits than J.Lo and she's the producer of a rarity in modern television -- a sitcom about an upscale Latino family on a major network. It's called "The George Lopez Show." Here's one more -- Oscar and Tony ® winner Rita Moreno. Remember when Jennifer said that she was inspired by WEST SIDE STORY? Well, Rita won her Oscar for that. She should've won an Emmy® for all those seasons of excellent work as the very modern nun who was the prison psychiatrist on HBO's "Oz." Now THOSE are Latinas who have something to say.

Tuesday, October 12th 2004 - 08:50:04 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: A SimpleRequest

If any of my writing has made you laugh, made you think, touched you, informed you or made you aware of some part of life that you wouldn't ordinarily consider, please share it with someone you know. I've been trying for a few years now to make my writing worthy of attention.

Monday, October 11th 2004 - 04:16:37 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: LESSONS FROM MR. & MRS. CHRISTOPHER REEVE

Christopher Reeve passed away. He was one of the first stars I interviewed years ago when I'd just started my entertainment reporter TV career in Milwaukee. He was on a Manhattan junket promoting DEATHTRAP. What I remember most is how respectful he was to a child. During a break in the interviews, Reeve got word that someone in the hotel had a little boy who wanted to meet Superman. Chris was having a cigarette. He quickly agreed to meet the little fellow and even more quickly discarded his cigarette, saying "Superheroes don't smoke." I will never forget the light in that kid's eyes when he entered the room and saw Superman, the defender of truth and justice, for Christopher greeted him in character -- not as a movie star but as a humble and sweet superhero. He made that little boy feel special. From that moment on, I was a devoted fan.

Fast forward to the early '90s. I'd gone from a VH1 talkshow to a part-time job on a local morning newscast. I was asked to host an AIDS benefit in the theatre district for a theatrical organization. My partner, Richard, had just been diagnosed with AIDS so helping in any way I could was my duty. One of the entertainers on the bill was a sensational singer. We met again in 2000 when both our lives had changed. I'd been a widower for a number of years and the man she married after the benefit, Christopher Reeve, was paralyzed in a horse-riding accident.

I have to share some of my history so you can fully understand the impact of one person's kindness. I'd taken that news job because I'd been approached to be the entertainment editor. That was a big deal to me. It was what I'd studied for in college. Talking about films and film history is my passion. Black people are rarely seen reviewing movies on weekly television and I wanted to help break through that odd color barrier, one that still exists today. At the last minute, I was re-assigned to do outside liveshots and "...just be funny." Literally, I'd gone from a superstar guest list on my VH1 talkshow to being told to go to street fairs and talk about bake sales. I argued with management for weeks while fulfilling my assignments and planned to quit. However, Richard was diagnosed with full-blown AIDS just one month after having been laid off from work. We were dating at that time. In those days, gay men didn't have the acceptance that they do today and there was much prejudice against them and the disease. His roommate demanded that he move out. Co-workers told me not to let management know about the drama in my personal life, or else I could lose my job. I remained the morning funnyman so I could take care of him. Eventually, he moved into my studio apartment. Because of my humorous work on the news show, most of the local industry folks put me in the same category as a children's birthday party clown. Very few, if any, knew that I was caring for a terminally ill young man whose pneumonia and cancer often rendered him unable to walk. Many mornings, I'd gone straight to work from having slept at his bedside in Mt. Sinai Hospital.

Finally, I did get a chance to review films on a national news magazine show called "Lifetime Live," on the women's network. Initially, the boss didn't want to hire me. Later, when we were friendly and I'd proven myself, she admitted that her initial disapproval stemmed from hearing that I was just "...a funny, hyper Black guy who does local liveshots."

I was nervous on my first day. Dana Reeve, one of the co-hosts, greeted me as though we'd been old neighborhood buddies. "Do you remember me from the benefit you hosted back in '93? I'm so glad you're going to be with us." I felt like the little kid must've felt when he met Superman. She made me feel special and I needed to feel special. Every week, I looked forward to working with her.

The whole country knew the hardship she faced with her husband's disability. Had she whipped out some diva behavior, been demanding and kept to herself, that would've been understandable. But I never saw that happen. She was always in good humor and gracious. One of my favorite memories of that job was when Dana, a couple of the production assistants and I were talking about life -- the road you planned to travel, the detours you have to make and the new paths you find.

I learned big lessons from her during that job. Dana has a great generosity of spirit. She allowed me to reclaim my passion onstage, talking about film and the literature of film. She helped me prove that Black people can be entertainment editors. She cast out shadows of racial anger that hovered over my heart for years. I was angry at being stereotyped and ignored and unwanted and disrespected. I was angry that decades of my education and hard work went unvalidated. Her kindness and attention refreshed my spirit. Working with her will always be one of the greatest joys of my career.

Christopher Reeve did not deserve the accident that paralyzed him. But he did deserve Dana Reeve. I'm sure that, to him, her love was heaven on earth. Their union proved that light attracts light.

Monday, October 11th 2004 - 09:37:51 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: J.LO & J.LIP

I just watched the first 20 minutes of James Lipton's Inside The Actors Studio interview with Jennifer Lopez. He's talking about her craft as an actress. So far, they discussed her dancing on "In Living Color." She followed that by saying, "I loved doing MONEY TRAIN and I loved doing ANACONDA."

.....and I'M not working.

Sunday, October 10th 2004 - 08:18:59 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: BUT SIRIUS-ly, FOLKS...

Yes, I said it.

Last Friday, I had a fabulous time being Frank De Caro's in-studio guest for one hour of his nighttime national festivity on Sirius Radio. That's the satellite network that made big news a few days ago because it'll add Howard Stern to its talent roster when he's done pissing off the FCC on Clear Channel stations all across the country.

Frank is a writer, an under-used talent on Comedy Central and a fun radio host. We chatted about my magical afternoon moderating a press conference recently for Mick Jagger. I was an arm's length away from the legend. A buddy wanted to know if I really said what he'd heard I said on the show about Mick's lips. The answer is "yes." I said that Mick Jagger could suck a Sunkist orange through a garden hose with those lips.

I also said that he deserves an Oscar® nomination for "Old Habits Die Hard". That's one of the songs he wrote with Dave Stewart for the new version of ALFIE coming out this month. Hopefully, the academy will be smart enough to agree with me. I'm diggin' the soundtrack bigtime.

Thanks for listening and go to my links section to check out Frank's website.

Sunday, October 10th 2004 - 01:34:28 PM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: THIS WEEK ON "OPRAH"

One of this week's new episodes will be a Special Experiment: "Men Turn Into Women." That's right -- big guys will live like women do.

Oprah, love you lots, but I have seen that experiment for the last 11 years here in my New York City neighborhood. It's called "Living in Chelsea."

Where else can you see grown blond men go to the gym, get their roots touched up at a salon, get some hair waxed off their bodies, meet for a low-carb lunch, gossip, and then complain that there are no real men left to date in the city anymore? Come to Chelsea.

Where else can you hear grown men say, "Marc Jacobs is just on fire with his new fall line this year" but you'd be older than Noah's Ark waiting to hear them go, "Hey, did you see the game last night?" Come to Chelsea.

Where else can grown men do exact dialogue from the movie "Steel Magnolias" but they've never, ever rented a western -- unless it was "Oklahoma," "The Harvey Girls" starring Judy Garland or "Annie Get Your Gun"? Come to Chelsea.

Where else can a grown man come out of his bedroom and ask you "Does this dress make my butt look big?" and be totally, totally serious? Come to Chelsea.

Where else do 30something White Guys consider Madonna to be a role model -- and, unfortunately, some of those guys are acting students? Come to Chelsea.

Yes, dear Oprah, I have seen that experiment. Lord knows I've seen it.

Sunday, October 10th 2004 - 12:01:05 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: TV NEWS

Youth-oriented clothing designer Tommy Hilfiger is entering the reality TV contest arena. His upcoming CBS series, entitled "The Cut," will have him deciding which one of sixteen contestants will become the newest designer for the Hilfiger label.

Reportedly, Calvin Klein is preparing a similar show for the Hispanic market called "The Uncut."

Enjoy your weekend.

Saturday, October 9th 2004 - 08:32:51 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: "Damn," sighs Queen

Every time Queen Latifah sees something strange happen in the new comedy "Taxi," she says "Damn." I would've said the same thing at the sight of her agent letting her sign on to do this movie. Don't blame the Queen. Anytime you have a comedy starring a former SNL member, like Jimmy Fallon in this one, and the biggest laughs in the audience go to Ann-Margret -- yes, Ann-Margret -- in a cameo that should've gone to Liza Minnelli, you've caught a smelly cab.

This is a flick for high schoolers. Fallon plays a doofus New York City cop teamed with a hip cabby who's got a pimped up taxi and a totally hot boyfriend. Here's where the movie magic really starts -- a group of gun-totin', slutty Portugese lipstick lesbians who look like lingerie models dress in bad drag and pull off a series of midtown Manhattan bank robberies. The robberies result in high-speed getaways during working hours in midtown Manhattan. The magic isn't how they keep their Yosemite Sam moustaches from falling off in the getaways, the magic happens when they zoom recklessly down a busy New York City street without hitting anyone, turn a corner, and suddenly they're zooming down a semi-busy street in downtown Los Angeles.

"Damn!"

The best thing about this movie is the Old School R&B jukebox soundtrack. That and the cameo by Ann-Margret -- yes, Ann-Margret!

You know what would've been really funny in "Taxi"? If Travis Bickle had shown up, shot those annoying decorator dykes, kicked down one of the walls to the movie set and then shot the writers. But does Hollywood listen to me? No.

Thursday, October 7th 2004 - 07:21:00 AM

Reporting in from: New York, New York
ENTRY: "Mad About Musicals"

What would be a dream job for me? Hosting or writing for Turner Classic Movies. I love that cable channel. For a vintage film fan, what's not to love?

October is "Mad About Musicals" month. Being that I am very showtune-friendly, this month's line-up has made me as happy as a gopher in soft dirt, to quote my totally cool Cousin Sputnick down in Texas.

In my old VH1 veejay days, I mentioned how much music video directors borrowed from classic musicals. Whitney Huston videos imitated numbers from the Fred Astaire movies "The Barkleys of Broadway" and "Funny Face." Lionel Ritchie copies Astaire when he danced on the ceiling in one of his videos. Paula Abdul, like Gene Kelly, danced with cartoon characters. Madonna, as we know, imitated Marilyn Monroe in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes." Also, if you see the sensational Girl Hunt Ballet, a solid jazz number with Astaire and Cyd Charisse in "The Band Wagon," you get the whole basis for Madonna's character in "Dick Tracy." If you've seen that jazz ballet, you know Madonna's duality way before the last half-hour of Warren Beatty's comic book cop caper.

Edmund Kean was a famous British actor who died in the 1800s. He became celebrated for playing Shakespearean villains. Theatre history has it that, on his deathbed, he said "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."

Having been a chorus dancer/singer/actor in Cole Porter's "Anything Goes" way back in my Milwaukee theatre days, I'd update that to "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Musical comedy is even harder." Many folks don't take them seriously, but musicals are basically a triathalon with a downbeat. They're gruelling. Ask the stars of "Chicago." I bet you Richard Gere worked harder on that project that anything he'd done in years.

By the way, if you see a clip of Fred Astaire's great ceiling dance from "Royal Wedding," keep this in mind--
he did that when he was 50. At 51, he reinvented his dance style with great success in "The Band Wagon." Tell that to the kids on American Idol.

Go to my links for the TCM website and check the schedule to see some of the hardest working stars in Hollywood history this month.

Wednesday, October 6th 2004 - 07:13:37 PM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: Here's some news for you that I learned while listening to an interview on WNYC radio this afternoon:

Amy Fisher is a now a Long Island newspaper columnist, a radio commentator and an advocate of gun control.

"Hello, God? Are You there? If You are, pick up the phone."

Tuesday, October 5th 2004 - 01:41:53 PM

Reporting in from: USA
ENTRY: Tuesday Night Television

The Vice Presidential Debate is on Tuesday night. I will definitely be watching.

If I ran the ABC Network, on Wednesday night I would have Dick Cheney and Mrs. Cheney on the new hit reality show, "Wife Swap." The other couple would be Rosie O'Donnell and her partner, Kelli. I'd send Rosie over to live with Dick.

Wouldn't you?

Monday, October 4th 2004 - 07:00:05 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: The Original Scream Queen

Actress Janet Leigh passed away in Beverly Hills after a long illness. As I said in the intro before I interviewed her live on Fox 5's "Good Day New York" a few years ago, she went from being the MGM girl next door to becoming the film noir babe with a past in such classics as "Psycho," "The Manchurian Candidate" and "Touch of Evil" by Orson Welles.

I met her when she was in town promoting the release of the latter film, restored to the director's original vision. She had a copy of his shooting script and urged young filmmakers to see the movie. She said that the major studio's insensitive cutting of his work is why we have indie films today.

Janet Leigh was working in a department store when she was discovered by one of the most powerful movie stars in Hollywood. Norma Shearer was retired and on vacation when she coaxed Janet to leave the counter and go to Metro. She was under contract in the 1940s. In the 1950s, she worked at other studios. Her romance, marriage and subsequent divorce from Tony Curtis at that time was the equivalent of the Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman relationship in the 1990s. When they were married, they were also part of John F. Kennedy's A-List of Hollywood Friends. They campaigned heavily to get him elected. She was a devoted mom. One of her kids become the next scream queen of movies -- Jamie Lee Curtis.

In her later years, Janet Leigh wrote novels. I read part of one at Barnes & Noble. Not bad. Before our interview, she told me that she loved writing. Some of you into TV trivia may remember that she played the first character to outwit Peter Falk's Colombo.

She was a big star who reinvented herself. She worked opposite an A-List of Hollywood Leading men and women. She made top classics from two master directors, Hitchcock and Orson Welles. And, to think, it all started in a department store. Wow.

Monday, October 4th 2004 - 08:23:01 AM

Reporting in from: America
ENTRY: Dear Monica Lewinski:

If there was ever a time we really need you to cause chaos in the White House, it's now.

The election is just one month away. We need health and over-time pay. Education and the fine arts need funding. We need to feel safe at home and we need to resolve this war. We need EnRon executive assholes put in prison. Not a white collar prison -- I mean one of those prisons like on "Oz" where you leave the shower knowing what it feels like to ride a bicycle with the seat off. We need government officials who won't start something like TittyGate -- instead of acting like Janet Jackson's boob is a weapon of mass destruction, go after Osama bin Laden like we were supposed to back in 2001. We need all this done and you can help. You know the address. Now get over there and God Bless America.

Thank you.

Sunday, October 3rd 2004 - 03:36:20 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: WHEN IN ROME

It was reported in today's national news that The Pope verbally condemned kidnapping in relation to the Iraqi war hostages during a weekend speech.

With all due respect as a Catholic, but what else could a man in his position say about it -- "Buon Giorno! I was watching the news the other day when I got home from mass and, you know, that kidnapping looks like more fun than a barrel of monkeys" and then shoot confetti out the top of his hat? We've all condemned it since it started happening.

Bless his heart. At least he's able to speak. Sometimes it takes a while for the Vatican to be current.

Sunday, October 3rd 2004 - 11:06:02 AM

Reporting in from: Manhattan
ENTRY: Dear Diary,

What a fabulous week. Thanks to the totally cool and smart publicity reps of Paramount Pictures in Hollywood, I was asked to moderate press conferences here in New York City for the upcoming remake of "Alfie." I spent one whole hour with Jude Law, the star of the film. He's so handsome, talented and charming that I just wanted to kill myself. Not only that...but I got spend that same amount of time with the one and only Mick Jagger! Mick! He and Dave Stewart, formerly of Eurythmics, wrote original songs for the movie. I predict Mick will get a Best Song Oscar® nomination. Mick is sexy, sassy, smart, he looks great and he's got lots of bazazz. When I shook his hand, I felt just like that young dude in "Almost Famous." I didn't want to take a subway home. I wanted to be on a bus with all the other passengers singing "Tiny Dancer." Jagger is just too cool.

Then today I was shopping at Whole Foods and I met the one Black person in America who watches the Conan O'Brien show and admits to it in public.

Just like when I met Mick...I was speechless. What a week. What a fabulous and historical week.

Friday, October 1st 2004 - 08:11:27 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: LADY SANG THE BLUES

Remember a few years ago when singer Toni Braxton was singin' the blues due to her big financial woes? She let the wrong people handle her money and all her stuff got repossessed. She talked about her major money mess on "Oprah." Well...Braxton is in discussions with WB to star in a sitcom based on her life. I am not making this up, you know.

If any WB television executive is reading this right now, here's a couple of suggestions for the sitcom title:
"Everybody Loves Toni"
or
"Dude, Where's My Car?"

Thursday, September 30th 2004 - 07:04:24 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: THAT'S SHOW BIZ

Production has stopped on "Top 5," the show I hosted for Food Network. That does not mean it's been cancelled. Some fresh episodes and repeats will air in its new timeslot, Saturday nights at 11:30 pt/et.

The 2-year run was one of the most fun gigs I've had since my old VH1 days. Sometimes you hear that the crew on a TV show becomes like family. In a way, the "Top 5" production crew was better than family. Every time I loaned one of them money, I got it back.

Monday, September 27th 2004 - 10:51:57 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Bobby on Film

"Come here, you little prick nibbler."

I thought that would get your attention. That's a line from one of the best, most intelligent major studio releases I've seen this year, with performances to match. The movie is KINSEY, starring Liam Neeson as the controversial, revolutionary researcher of American sexual habits, Alfred Kinsey. Laura Linney plays his wife. I'd give them both Oscar® nominations right now. I'm sure that in November, when the film opens, network morning shows will profile the real-life Kinsey and discuss the frank sexuality of the movie, because November is a "sweeps" month. Sex sells. The film was written and directed by Bill Condon, writer of GODS AND MONSTERS and CHICAGO. I'll write a full review later. However, I'll write now that I hope a lot of gay men will go see it.

When it comes to sex, I have a philosophy -- don't judge a bookworm but his cover. We all have our sexual fantasies but, in the gay male community, fantasy and objectification have gotten all out of control. Whether he's Cuban, Mexican, Dominican, Guatemalan or from sunny Spain, every hot young Latino is automatically "the uncut Puerto Rican sex toy" in some Caucasian eyes here in Manhattan. A Black man is not really Black unless he's bald, as dark as a panther, sporting a goatee, has muscles like Hercules, wears more chains than the ghost of Jacob Marley in "A Christmas Carol," seems like he's got a dick the size of an anaconda, talks like he's got a brain the size of a pea, and looks like he's done time. The Asian man will submit to your wildest desires, find you smarter and better-hung, help you with your finances and fix your computer. One of the aspects of KINSEY that I loved was that it showed the sexual history, mystery and delights that can be discovered in the ordinary person -- the average housewife, the regular guy, the older woman.

Ironically, Kinsey is played by a man who is rumored to be gifted...and not just in his acting skills. From what I've been told by national entertainment news reporters,
if you saw Liam Neeson in the men's locker room, his nickname could be "Tripod."

One last thing: For years, whenever I've heard talk about what male celebrity is really packin', he's always a white guy. He's never a Ving Rhames or Morris Chestnut or Jay-Z , a Benicio del Toro or Esai Morales. Wassup wid dat?

Make an appointment to see KINSEY.

Thursday, September 23rd 2004 - 08:00:45 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Broadcast News

I love me some Bernie Mac. In 2000, when the three senior networks presented the NAACP reports on the lack of African-American actors on television, all three networks rejected "The Bernie Mac Show." Fox took it. The fresh and funny sitcom won a Peabody Award, a very prestigious prize for excellence in broadcasting. (If you ever want to see what I looked like when I was a kid in Catholic school, just watch Jordan on that series.) A new sitcom called "Method & Red" had been following Bernie Mac this season. You won't see it tonight. Why? It's been cancelled. Good. That sitcom, with two rappers constantly trying to hook up, had Black men acting so ignorant it would've made Rosa Parks get up and go to the back of the bus. "Method & Red" was a damn shame.

Inspired by his look on his runaway hit, "The Apprentice," Donald Trump says that he's launching a dress-for-success men's clothing line tagged the Trump Signature Collection. I bet it'll be a hit. But if he opens a hair salon -- run!

I love when a good guy gets the star treatment. Robert Verdi is the new Top Cop of Fashion Police on E! He'll work the red carpet with his faaaaaaabulous self. I had the pleasure to work with Robert on New York City's local Metro Channel back in 1998. Before we met, the butch hetero camera crew dudes raved about his professionalism, charisma and charm. Back then, he did the kind of renovation segments he later did on the Discovery Channel's "Surprise by Design." That Jersey boy is a walking Home Depot information booth. Just like Comedy Central's Frank De Caro, Robert was being gay, entertaining and informative on TV before "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." So why haven't Verdi and De Caro ever been honored by big organizations like, say, GLAAD? Hey, ya got me. Any straight hunk who plays a gay man for ten minutes gets a GLAAD award and a free meal. Pioneers like Robert and Frank have been helping the cause for years. In their way, they helped kick open closet doors in broadcasting so that the Fab Five could run out and redecorate. Viva Verdi! Best of luck with the new gig. It's about time. If Mr. De Caro's agent is reading this, why haven't you gotten your clever client on "The New Hollywood Squares"? What about sitcom auditions?

Come to think of it, why hasn't my agent gotten ME a sitcom audition?

That's a wrap. I'm out. For real.

Wednesday, September 22nd 2004 - 09:52:48 AM

Reporting in from: New York City
ENTRY: Morning Report

I couldn't have been more surprised and flattered by those of you who remembered my birthday yesterday. Monday was big fun. Lots of bazazz. Simple as it may seem, more than anything I wished for a cake with some frosted flowers on it and I wanted to hear people singing "Happy Birthday." I hadn't had that here in NYC since the late '80s. (The late 1980s, not MY late 80s.) I got my wish.
Some of you may know that I'm not really that much of a drinker. At least, not in public. That changed last night. Tito, Artie, Rick and Dolores decided to take me to a neighborhood tavern with an Irish name after our dinner and cake. What a new experience for us all! We bellied up to the bar, had cocktails and played the jukebox. I must have been festive and charismatic. The rugged, burly bartender came over to me and said, "Hey, bud. It's your birthday. Ya like Scotch?"
"I love it."
"Good. How 'bout a couple o' fingers?"
"Perfect," I said, "but let me have the Scotch first, you big bear. What time do you get off?"
All of a sudden, Tito shouted "Run, bitch, run! Save yourself!" Next thing I know, we're fleeing for our lives down 9th Avenue. I had forgotten that straight bars could be so tense. But who cares? It was a memorable birthday and running way with Tito, Artie, Rick and Dolores helped me work off the carbs from the birthday cake.
Thank you. Thank you all.

Tuesday, September 21st 2004 - 09:47:31 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: I Loved Lucy

I love me some Mexican food. That's probably no surprise considering I'm a native Los Angeleno and the son of a Texan. If you need some Mexican cuisine so good it would make you want to slap that holy hat right off the Pope's head, you must visit Lucy. That's the name of a restaurant on East 18th street in the Flatiron District near Chelsea.

Some of you here in the city may have heard me speak of my totally cool neighbor, Mike, whom I always refer to as "the best neighbor since Ethel Mertz." He wanted to treat me to a pre-birthday dinner Sunday night and gave me a choice of three restaurants near us. I chose to take my tastebuds South of the Border.

Mike is great company. He's just got that certain bazazz that you'd expect to find in one of Oprah's favorite guests. His boyfriend is one lucky man. Well, there I was, sitting up in that restaurant with a Margarita as tall as Gary Coleman and eating like I'd just discovered my stomach. Then, during our festive conversation, Mike's face suddenly dropped. He got a look of dread that I've only seen on the faces of men to whom I've said, "So...would you like to come up to my place?"

He had forgotten his wallet. He really had become Ethel Mertz. I was Lucy Ricardo, having to think fast with a whole seafood enchilada in her mouth.

But you know what? I didn't care. It was all good. I had my wallet with credit cards and the balances were low. I was out, having fun with a fabulous friend who'd remembered me. My having to pay was such a minor point. (Mike DID pay me back, by the way.) Last year on my birthday, I had nothing to do. I felt like Celie in "The Color Purple" standing outside saying, "Sumpin' in dat mailbox fo' me?" This year, I feel like Oprah. And my birthday's not over yet.

If you want to get some Mexican barbecue, think about going to Lucy and think about taking me along.

Oh! And remember to bring your wallet.

Monday, September 20th 2004 - 04:36:44 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: DEAR DIARY,

What a special day! Not only is it my birthday, but today I'm doing my first pitch of a reality series to some television executives.

Here's my pitch -- "Celebrity Mohel": With a noted Beverly Hills doctor, which entertainer will win the chance to assist in the circumcision of a newborn baby boy? Will it be Delta Burke, David Hasselhoff, LaToya Jackson, MC Hammer, Mario Cantone or Miss Liza Minnelli? This combines "Help! Get Me Out of Here, I'm a Celebrity" with "Extreme Makeover." Depending upon her asking price, maybe we could get Joan Rivers to host and say, "Which one of these stars will finally leave a big tip?"

Cross your fingers. This could be my ticket into the world of being a TV producer. More later.

Monday, September 20th 2004 - 10:40:25 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: DEAR DIARY,

The Republican National Convention came to New York City, just twelve blocks up from where I live. What a week, what a week, what a week that was! I marched, I yelled, I protested, I got arrested.

Fortunately, I was quickly released by the NYPD after I demanded a cavity search. I sure hope people realize how important voting is going to be this year. Our country is in critical condition and we need to fix it.

Saturday, September 18th 2004 - 04:03:38 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: "O," Baby!

"YOU get a car! YOU get a car! YOU get a car!"
Those words exclaimed by Oprah the Fabulous on the premiere show for her new season made TV history. Yesterday, I got together with a friend who felt that Oprah's new car giveaway was too over the top.

As compared to what? "Fear Factor"?

Oprah and I are in the same age category, in the same profession, and of the same race. I'm positive we've had similar racial drama in our careers. When we were youngsters, Black people were still fighting for the right to vote, for the right to an education, for the right to sit at a lunchcounter, for the right to use a clean public restroom. In America. We saw the Civil Rights era play out on TV. In 1968, Harry Belafonte and Petula Clark defied network orders and dared to hold hands during a duet on her primetime special. MTV, with all its liberal posturing, was not airing Michael Jackson videos. Jackson became such a global pop superstar that the music network was forced to give him airtime or run the risk of bad press. It took a white MTV production assistant, the late Ted Demme, to make the same network take rap seriously. He was given a little project to produce. That project was "Yo! MTV Raps" in 1988. Today, many white executives have benefitted professionally from the financial impact of black rap music culture.

On October 15, 1993, The Daily News reported that a white executive producer for the NBC Nightly News referred to a Somali warlord as "an educated jungle bunny" during a news meeting. The producer admitted what he said, adding that he was "using a phrase that exists in many people's minds in the United States." He left that job, not because he was fired but because he got a better offer from another network. Not to pick on the Peacock Network but when the wonderful 50th anniversary special edition of "Today" aired, one visual image hit me upside the head like a skillet. When all the "Today" talent of past and present gathered for a photo op in the final minutes of the show, we saw that, in half a century, only two African-Americans had been hired -- Bryant Gumble and Al Roker. Since the dawn of "Today" in 1952, the producers could only find two Black people to contribute to that show on camera. Yet, "Today" patted itself on the back for its coverage of the Civil Rights movement.

I admit my personal racial anger. What do Jon Stewart, Pat Sajak, Joan Rivers, Dennis Miller, Bob Costas, Arsenio Hall and I have in common? We all had weeknight national talkshows in the late '80s. Into this new millennium, all those white performers were again doing talkshows of some sort. In the '90s, I could only find work in local New York City news and, for seven consecutive years, had to fight to do entertainment features and film reviews. I was constantly given the kind of assignments Jim Carrey got in the first 20 minutes of "Bruce Almighty." From those, I could not move up. One of my bosses told me that my function was to do outside liveshots and make people laugh. Those words made it onto a memo and made me feel like I was in the cottonfields of broadcasting. I left local news in 1999 and I've had very little work since. As for Arsenio, he didn't get another talkshow either. I think it's because he booked Louis Farrakhan and didn't challenge him on some anti-Semitic comments he'd made. I believe that booking cost Arsenio his show.

As a person of color, especially those of us in the BabyBoomer section, you were programmed to be an over-achiever and taught that an education was going to be your ticket up the ladder of success. You strive for validation. You strive to have a personal history that will get attention. Then you hit that wall of ignorance. The bricks are white executives with blurred vision. In the last four years, I've had many meetings with white TV producers and some agents who never read my bio or resume and never took 4 minutes to view my demo reel. They ignored my history. Black filmmakers and actors have trouble getting a greenlight for projects because we aren't seen as being "marketable." But Ben Affleck can get a greenlight to star in big budget movies that suck. I've been told that I couldn't get some jobs because I wasn't handsome enough. Then I see Carrot Top doing national commercials. I haven't been thin enough. John Goodman and James Gandolfini aren't skinny and they get gigs. Have you seen Jon Favreau lately? I dig his work and, lord knows, I have nothing against a burly man but how much weight has that dude packed on since he started doing that IFC talkshow over dinner? He needs a spin-off called "Cardio for Five." This year, I'm hearing that I'm too old. Have you seen "60 Minutes"? I think some of those guys covered the birth of Baby Jesus. In 1990, I booked a gameshow pilot only after the executive producers were convinced that America would accept a Black gameshow host, so I was told. With years of film review work to my credit, on-camera and in print, it took me 15 years in New York City to crack that movie critic color barrier on and show my skills on weekly TV.

Think about this -- how many solo Black performers do you see hosting an upscale gameshow like "Jeopardy" or "Wheel of Fortune"? Why? Since Siskel & Ebert first put their thumbs up over 20 years ago, how many Blacks have you seen reviewing movies once a week on TV? Why? Denzel Washington and Halle Berry made Oscar® history in the same year. What African-American on a morning network news program got to review the movies that led to their Academy Award victories? I've been with plenty of Black and Latino friends and we've discussed the works of Wilder, Cukor, Minnelli, Hitchcock, Kazan, Woody Allen, Spike Lee, Fellini and Kurosawa. We can do it.

Kicking off a new season, Oprah reinvented the Black Person in Broadcasting. She proved that we are marketable. How many millions of white folks in this country would've pushed their grandmama under a bus to be one of the 276 audience members that got a free new Pontiac that day? Not only did Oprah prove that we are marketable, she proved that we know how to market. That giveaway was brilliant product placement that made national headlines.

On that same show, she gave a new life to a homeless Black girl who studied hard in school. What really would've been over the top? If Oprah had faced the audience and shouted, "Guess what? You all get a homeless Black child of your own to take home and take care of! YOU get a homeless Black child! YOU get a homeless Black child! YOU get a homeless Black child!" Then, if she led the studio audience outside to the Harpo parking lot to find rows of homeless Black children standing still with red bows on their heads, THAT would have been way over the top.

Saturday, September 18th 2004 - 02:11:17 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: SHOWBIZ in BLACK & WHITE

Here are 5 Top Things that I think differentiate black and white people in the entertainment industry:

1. Black entertainers who win an award will thank God and their mothers first, their producers and their agents last. White entertainers will thank their producers and their agents first and maybe get around to thanking God and their mommas.

2. White girls making a whole lot of money in show biz will have to be taken to the hospital for anorexia. Black girls making a whole lot of money in show biz will have to be taken to Fatburgers on Santa Monica Blvd in West Hollywood.

3. White male movie stars will try to pick up a Black hooker and eventually be talked about on Court TV. Black male movie stars will marry a white woman they picked up and eventually be talked about on Court TV.

4. Black rappers making big money will buy a lot of cars and a DVD of Al Pacino as "Scarface." White rappers making a lot of money will hire a limo driver take them to an audition for a film role opposite Al Pacino.

5. A white pop diva like Madonna can have a baby out of wedlock, say the f-word on the David Letterman show 13 times, simulate a lesbian kiss with Britney Spears live on MTV and be called a role model for girl power. A black pop diva like Janet Jackson can do years of wholesome entertainment on a sitcom and in music, have part of her bra yanked off by a white guy on live TV, and she has to apologize to America as if her partially exposed breast was a weapon of mass destruction.

Friday, September 17th 2004 - 04:53:33 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: BRAVO BOBBY

The cable network Bravo has ordered 10 one-hour episodes of a reality series following Bobby Brown, the troubled husband of singer Whitney Houston. The series will show the couple at home.

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that the working title is "Little CrackHouse on the Prairie."

Friday, September 17th 2004 - 09:08:28 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: HOLD THAT TIGER

I did not see NBC's Maria Shriver do an exclusive interview of Siegfried & Roy entitled "The Miracle." First of all, why are news features being titled like they're made-for-TV movies on Lifetime? There's an article about the interview in today's Daily News, along with a photo of the famous showbiz couple. Bless his heart, Roy looks pretty good considering the nightmarish tiger attack he survived.

I don't mean this harshly. However, reportedly Roy said that the big cat was just trying to help him after he fainted onstage. Yep. Roy said that he passed out from high blood pressure during the performance and that the 380-pound jungle animal, relocated to Las Vegas, was simply dragging him backstage. When I read that, I thought of a time back in the '80s when I was living in Milwaukee. A shocked little girl saw two dogs copulating in the park and cried out, "Mommy! Mommy! What are they doing?" The quick-thinking mother replied, "It's okay, honey. One's sick and the other one's just pushing her to the hospital." The little girl bought it.

About Roy's answer, I'm sure some viewers bought it. Maybe it's just me, but for a long time I had the feeling that, if Court TV had a series called "When Animals Testify," Siegfried & Roy would've had to hire Johnnie Cochran. If I was Maria Shriver, I would've had that big cat in a pet therapy session. Then I would've pulled out a Tony the Tiger doll and said, "Where did the naughty man touch you? Where did the naughy man touch you?!?!" That critter would've broke down crying like a crack ho in church on Easter Sunday.

The Daily News article also noted that Roy's speech was distorted by a slight lisp. No comment.

Thursday, September 16th 2004 - 10:12:59 AM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Free food and a good show.

Who could pass up an offer like that here in Manhattan? Last night, a friend invited me to be her date to HBO's premiere party for the new season of "The Wire." I love cop dramas and that is a mighty fine one with solid writing, complex characters and excellent actors.

After the screening in Chelsea, busses shuttled us to the West Village for dinner, drinks and networking in a new eatery called Vento. For decades, that trendy Italian trattoria was a sex club called J's the Hangout. When safe sex became vital, J's popularity peaked with gay and bi men. It redefined the phrase, "give a buddy a helping hand." Men walked around dressed like Burt Reynolds in "Deliverance." However, when some of them opened their mouths to speak, they sounded more like Debbie Reynolds in "The Unsinkable Molly Brown." That's when downtown had the fabulous, edgy vibe that drew you to New York City. Last night, it was kind of weird to hold a Cosmopolitan and chat with a castmember of NBC's "Law & Order" knowing that the floorboards beneath your feet contained enough DNA to create a new Third World nation. Personally, I never thought I'd see the day when the old downstairs lounge had that much light. But I do love what they've done with chrome and throw pillows.

"The Wire" has a large cast for a weekly series. The young actors, predominantly Black, are rarely spotlighted on the weeknight entertainments news programs. They don't get nearly the amount of press that losers on network reality gameshows do. That's a shame. One young actor, Tray Chaney, plays a character called "Poot." In the season opener, he's in the sharply funny drug thug scene in which they hold a meeting using Roberts' Rules of Order guidelines. I introduced myself to Tray and told him what I felt when I saw him onscreen -- he's got a gift and presence like that of John Cazale, the late brilliant actor who played Fredo in "The Godfather" and Sal in "Dog Day Afternoon." I think Tray was truly touched.

So much entertainment reporting has been dumbed down. It's not even really reporting when a correspondent's one big question is "Who did your dress?" If you're going to be a reporter, do some homework. Introduce people to a new perspective, a new voice, a new aspect of life that they wouldn't assume would have anything in common with theirs. Tell them what that common link is. Put on light on that provocative work that's not getting any attention. You could help shatter stereotypes and bring more people to the arts.

About stereotypes, my top unexpected encounter of the evening was running into my first ex-agent. If I'd left my career in the hands of agents in the '80s and '90s, I'd have had a job saying "Paper or plastic?" Repeatedly, agents said that they just didn't know what to do with me. Almost all the gigs on my resume are gigs I landed on my own. After VH1 and CBS Late Night, I got signed by a very blond man with a very big agency. He was so blond he was almost invisible. He got me my first major movie audition in 1990. I tested for the part of a killer pimp. Click onto my Media Kit section and look at my old VH1 headshot. THAT is the pic he sent over to the casting director. Killer pimp. Me. Yeah, right. I looked more like Erkel. And who were supposed to be my ho's? Richard Simmons, RuPaul and Charles Nelson Reilly? That agent didn't look at my specific talents and personality. He just saw that a Black actor was needed to play a killer pimp. In a Times Square porno movie theater. Performing voodoo. With a bucket of fried chicken. I kid you not. Are you surprised he's my ex? Times have changed. Places have changed.

Thanks to HBO, I had a wonderful night of surprise in a place formerly known for sex in the city. (Check out the cast of "The Wire" on www.hbo.com.)

Wednesday, September 15th 2004 - 02:40:45 PM

Reporting in from: NYC
ENTRY: Eric McCool! Thanks for bringing me into modern times with this totally cool website.