Letters From Bobby

I wish I had a talk show, so I could book former NJ Gov. James McGreevey. He’s the politician who, with his wife by his side, stepped down from his post and declared “I’m a gay American.” I watched that live special news broadcast and wondered, “What the hell is going through his wife’s mind right now?” He had a boyfriend while he was married. They broke up. McGreevey and the wife broke up. He has a new boyfriend. (Match.com comes through again.) As expected, he’s written a book and will talk about his emotional journey this Tuesday on “Oprah.”

From what I’ve read in an excerpt — keep in mind that it’s just an excerpt and I’ve not read the whole book — while his wife was in the hospital giving birth to his baby, he was off with the first boyfriend. OK. If I go out with a woman on a casual date and even if she looks likes Jack Black in a dress, I will treat her as if she’s the most gorgeous girl in the room. Maybe being a native-born Californian, that’s my personal Code of the West. You pay attention to the person you’ve agreed to be with. In BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, I bet even Jack and Ennis were with their wives when they had their kids. McGreevey had a lot o’ drama in his head at that time. And a lot of people who’d help him keep his cover. In that area, he was lucky. He could get security being on the down-low. This is what happens when you feel you cannot be true to yourself. There’s a domino effect of bad choices and broken hearts.

My buddy, Red, was in from L.A. a few weeks ago. We got together with a few of his other East Coast friends. We hit a local bar for a few beers. One guy, a very handsome and good-hearted New Jersey bear, and I talked about women we’d dated before we got real and came out. We both agreed that there’s usually one that gets to you the way no other did and she causes you to think, “Hmmmm…marrying her might be kinda fun and keep me from being so lonely.” There was a girl like that for me when I was in the Midwest. I still carry a very tender spot in my heart for her. The NJ Bear said, “Did you ever get married?” I answered, “No. I thought about it but I know myself too well. One business trip out of town for a weekend and my true self would’ve come out.” He replied, “Good for you!” Never, ever had anyone said that to me. He commended me on being honest and for not making someone’s life miserable because I couldn’t fully commit. I was surprised and flattered. Being truthful and trying to find love that will do no one any harm is not easy. I know guys who did get married to wonderful women and had great kids. But I’ve also seen them do things they wouldn’t want the wife and kids to know about. They go home to dinner on the stove, birthday cakes, Christmas presents, report cards, school plays and anniversaries. All those things that seem ordinary — things that make me a little jealous because I’ve been solo well over ten years and eating my own cooking. Believe me, no one should have to eat my own cooking. Those guys weren’t truthful but they’re not alone. We never talked about any conflicts or heaviness in their hearts. I just watched them drink more than they should before they sought some recreation.

The heart wants what the heart wants and you can do anything, endure anything for even a brief amount of happiness. My one and only relationship lasted only 18 months — from our first date to the day he died. We both endured his terminal illness. One local newscast showed a photo of former Gov. McGreevey and his new boyfriend. A screen credit read that the photo was taken by Jonathan Capehart. I was acquainted with him. He was once a guest on a local cable news show I hosted. He’s openly gay and used to write for The New York Daily News. He fell for a guy back in the early 90s. His obstacles? The man was working here in New York City but he was an illegal alien. Capehart arranged for a young woman, a producer for NBC News, to marry him so he’d become a citizen and could continue to live here. My late partner and I were at the ceremony. It wasn’t a secret because we surely weren’t the only folks there. In a way, Capehart may have been seeing a married man. Look what he had to arrange to keep seeing the one he loves. Today, he is the personal publicist to James McGreevey.

I want to see the show the “Oprah” show on Tuesday. I hope it’s a good interview. And I sure wish there were more folks like Red’s buddy in New Jersey who would give guys like me some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for being brave enough to be to true to ourselves. Sometimes that’s a long lonely dusty road. Know what I mean?

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 16th, 2006 at 8:37 am and is filed under My Life, TV. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.