Archive for May, 2008

bitch…please!

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

I love dogs. But what is the problem with these hightone folks in New York City — college-educated and upscale — who don’t think that the “No Dogs Allowed” posted outside a deli market does not apply to them? Those signs are posted because of the health department requirements. Nevertheless, trendy New Yorkers will somehow think that because “Coco” is little, she’s okay to stand near the deli counter. That must’ve have been the logic of the well-dressed man this morning who brought, not one, but two little canines that resembled electric shoe polishers at an airport. That guys behind the counter and I just stared at him. The “No Dogs Allowed” sign was clearly posted on the door.

It’s at those times in life when I was I had a stun gun. I ranted about this to a friend of mine who has a dog. She replied, “Yeah..but if it’s tiny and..” I cut her off with “…tiny nothing. It’s an animal that walks around with an exposed anus. Have you seen how dogs greet each other in public? Why would I want that nose near the deli counter when someone is making my chicken salad sandwich? No. It’s wrong. If you were making dinner for company, how would you like it if I wafted through your kitchen with no shoes and no drawers on? Think of all that by the cheese and crackers. Keep the pets outside. No dogs allowed.” Is this happening where you live? Just curious.

a novel idea

Sunday, May 25th, 2008

National Public Radio has a Sunday morning news show that I like called “On The Media.” The show had a little contest for listeners. They were invited to write a novel in twelve words. Some very creative winners were read at the end of this morning’s broadcast. They ranged from dramatic to funny and all were enjoyable.

I didn’t enter the contest, but here’s my stab at it:

“He told her the house was haunted. Now her head is backwards.”

to answer your question

Saturday, May 24th, 2008

This is for my fan from the West Coast who emailed me and wanted to confirm my answer to Frank DeCaro’s sex question when I was his guest co-host on April 4th. Here’s what the fabulous Sirius OutQ radio show host asked:

Frank: “Where’s the most embarrassing place you’ve ever had sex?”

Bobby: “Milwaukee.”

I’m here all week! Good night and drive carefully! Yes, I live in my own little world. But they know me there. Have a safe holiday weekend.

“Idol” Worship

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

David Cook won! The rocker dude got the title! I was positive that Little Davey Archuleta would get it. I am very glad Cook took it. Archuleta will be fine — trust me. Even though he probably wound up crying uncontrollably in the Fox alley like Neely O’Hara in “Valley of the Dolls,” he will be just fine. Hell, he got a new car! He’ll get major gigs and make big money. I do honestly think that a bit of David Cook’s well-deserved victory was a heavy duty “F-you!” to David Archuleta’s creepy father and his overbearing stage dad agenda.

As for the show, was it just me or did the finale come off like prom night on Brokeback Mountain? With the choreography of all the contestants in the opening number plus the two Davids gazing at each other, I expected someone to shout “I wish I knew how to quit you!” And didn’t we all expect crazy Brooke to freak out and suddenly stab Ryan Seacrest repeatedly in the neck with a fondue fork?

I know this sounds crazy, but if the Presidential election was conducted like “American Idol,” I bet you that more folks would vote. I’m at the “enough already” point with the three currently vying for superdelegates. I wish Obama and Clinton would get onstage, perform, wait for votes to be tallied and let us move on. Let Obama sing “Barack Steady.” THAT would make him the Democratic candidate for President for sure. One of the best numbers last night was “Praying for Time” done by George Michael. There’s a song that all the politicians hoping to live in the White House should listen to and take to heart. ZZ Top — gotta love ‘em. They are classic rock. You could probably comb their beards and find Stephen Fossett. As for Donna Summer, isn’t it ironic that her butt is now the size of a disco ball? Would American Airlines charge her $15 extra to take it on the plane? I wish her luck in her comeback.

There’s no denying that “American Idol” has become a pop culture phenomenon.

economy class

Saturday, May 17th, 2008

I don’t about you, but this recession is doing wonders for my waistline! President George W Bush is the Jenny Craig of 2008. He’s the key reason we’re all tightening our belts.

sweet smell of suckcess

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

Did anyone really talk to Dale Earnhardt Jr before the NASCAR champ took money and allowed his face to be tacked on to a candybar called …well, just look for yourself.

It’s dark — and it’s king size. I pray, oh how I pray he does TV commercials for this product:
“I know I’m in the winner’s circle when I get a mouthful of that chocolately goodness with a creamy caramel center.”

“Little Davey” Time!

Tuesday, May 13th, 2008

I’m ready for Tuesday prime time. David Archuleta sings again tonight! That kid with the “adopt me” eyes has just compelled me to watch the show this season.

David Archuleta is the Topo Gigio of American Idol.
david archuleta -- topo gigio

“Take me, Mandingo!”

Monday, May 12th, 2008

Barbara Walters will be on Larry King’s talk show tonight talking about her new autobiography, Audition.

Of course, we all want to hear about her personal support of the Black Power movement via an affair she had with a married senator back in the day. Work it, Ms. B!

happy, happy mother’s day

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

A buddy of mine learned just this week that actor Tom Cruise has an adopted black child. My buddy asked if I knew. “Yes!,” I replied. “I’ve known that for years.” I then went on to tell him that Steven Spielberg, Angelina Jolie and Madonna are other entertainment stars who adopted black children.

Why? Because black kids makes them look slimmer.

Happy Mother’s Day.

new york review

Saturday, May 10th, 2008

Baby Mama, starring Tiny Fey, is the feel-good comedy of the year!”

New York Rep. Vito Fossella