Letters From Bobby

Oliver Stone’s Alexander is on HBO. Is it just me, or is this epic so bad that it’s fun to watch? I like Colin Farrell. I think he’s a mighty fine actor whose skills get overlooked because he keeps trying to force-feed a “bad boy” image to the press. But even he couldn’t save “Alexander.” Only Hollywood execs could look at a guy and say, “Hmmmm. He’ s young, slim, pale, has no chest hair and sounds like the Grand Marshal in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Hey! Let’s dye his hair blond and cast him as a Greek warrior! With Val Kilmer as his dad. The public will love it!” This movie is like a 3-hour Monty Python sketch with hair and make-up by the Queer Eye team. But that’s just me. Now read about my live Chicago appearances in the blog under this one.

If you get the cable channel Turner Classic Movies and you’re a fan of the Billy Wilder’s work, make some couch potato time tonight. TCM premieres a new documentary called “Billy Wilder Speaks.” Not only does his classic work hold up, it is still surprising. He could be tough and cynical in a film noir features like “Double Indemnity” and “Sunset Boulevard” and also get big laughs in screwball comedies such as “Some Like It Hot.” In “Sunset Boulevard,” you see a story that could’ve only happened in Hollywood. Three characters literally driven to a point of madness because of car. Out there, a car is necessary for survival and self-esteem. A struggling screenwriter is trying to keep his car from being repossessed. A former famous film director has been reduced to being a chauffeur. The faded film star he drives around goes over the edge when, after years of hoping for a comeback, her old studio calls her — not for a comeback but to rent her vintage car to use in someone else’s movie. In New York City, that story wouldn’t have worked. We have a subway system. In “The Major and the Minor,” a screwball comedy starring Ginger Rogers during WWII, you wonder how he dodged the censors. She’s a young woman trying to make a living in NYC but she’s also a shapely babe who’s always fleeing the hormonal advances of married wolves. She decides to head back home to her smalltown and marry the dull guy next door. Because she can only afford a reduced fare, she disguises herself as a little girl and, through a series of twists, winds up in a military academy surrounded by teen boys whose hormones are spinning like the giant cups at DisneyLand. You have to catch the visuals — a woman running away from horny Manhattan men is basically trapped with teen boys carrying phallic symbols and their secret “make-out” spot is a huge one — a famous cannon in the middle of the campus. That’s so Wilder. Years later, the censors really did jump on him. When I was a youngster, Billy Wilder’s comedy “Kiss Me, Stupid” was condemned by the Catholic Church. Basically, Catholics were informed that, if they saw that sex farce and got hit by a truck on the way home, their souls would go immediately to hell. I kid you not. The Church hated it and most critics hated it. Rent it. Today, it’s not only tame compared to most Christina Aguilera videos, it’s really sweet. Dean Martin, one of the most underrated of 50s/60s actors, lampoons his own Rat Pack image playing his own swinger self. Ray Walston is the Nevada music teacher/aspiring songwriter who comes up with a ploy to get his song to Dean Martin. Kim Novak, as the easy cocktail waitress, gives one of the best performances of her career after Hitchcock’s “Vertigo.” She’s radiant and a really funny. What the Church probably hated was that each of the major characters has a particular sexual fantasy — a fantasy that harms no one. The husband does, the wife does…so do the cocktail waitress and the singing star. Each one’s fantasy is satisfied with a happy ending and Gershwin music. Also in the 60s came “The Fortune Cookie,” a comedy about greed and racism. Wilder keenly shows that polite above-the-MasonDixon-line prejudice that I experienced throughout my career — often when talking about films. Jack Lemmon is the TV cameraman who befriends a Black NFL star. The athlete is well-spoken and well-dressed and well-paid. However, one blonde character assumes he’s a chauffeur and not the owner of his towncar. She states the assumption in a very tasteful, cosmopolitan way. I’ve often heard “You know Fellini films?” and came to realize that was sort of Anglo Yankee code for “Black folks don’t watch foreign films, do they? Can they read the subtitles?” The 70s wasn’t a great decade for Wilder. The business was changing but he still had an edge in some less-than-classic work. At college, I remember that his “The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes” was a cult hit at revival theaters. I saw it last year on TCM and howled at what he did in the pre-”Will & Grace” era. Holmes was definitely gay and Watson was a burly, butch straight dude who was devoted to his boss. The only hitch was Watson was trying to get laid and the ladies thought he and Holmes were an item instead of just co-workers. Wilder communicates this in a musical sequence with a dance company full of busty ballerinas. Too damn funny. In an age where the gay men on the big or small screen were usually deviants and or victims, Wilder made the gay guy the hero and important to the society around him. People needed Sherlock’s skills to solve crimes and keep them safe. In 2000, I had a great night with Oscar winner Cameron Crowe. He was promoting “Almost Famous,” and I got to do a James Lipton-eseque host job with him at NYU. He got the Oscar for that film. Students asked for advice on screenwriting and his immediate answer was “See the films of Billy Wilder.” Crowe compiled a book of his conversations with the late director. Check it out. “Almost Famous” is his Cameron Crowe’s valentine to Billy Wilder’s “The Apartment.” Two guys want the same sweet girl. One of the guys is married. She overdoses because of heartbreak and has to get her stomach pumped. One of the men has to learn how to be a mensch. I asked Crowe if Wilder had seen the film. He had. He was in his 90s and thought the music by Black Sabbath was too loud and the airplane scene with all the confessions was too long. But he loved it — especially Kate Hudson’s performance. I’m having a Wilder night. You can too. Log onto www.TCM.com for more info. I’m going out to try, yet again, to get my own film-related TV talk show. Wish me luck.

My sources tell me that veteran newsman Dan Rather is going to leave CBS after four decades of work. Peter Jennings passed away, Tom Brokaw retired from NBC, Ted Koppel left ABC and now Rather is leaving CBS. However, my sources also tell me that he’s in negotiations with Fox to host a new reality series called “So You Think You Can Anchor.” Attractive young contestants will compete for the chance to become newscasters. Part of the competition will have a group of finalists given a tragic news storry to read followed by a feature on beauty parlors for pets. The celebrity panel will be looking for the one who can most credibly ad lib “Switching gears now…” after ending the first story with “…and then something went horribly wrong.” Along with Dan Rather, Connie Chung and Al Roker are expected to round out the trio of judges.

In a CBS special last week, the AFI chose Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life” as #1 of the 100 Most Inspirational Films. Capra also gave us “It Happened One Night,” “Mr. Deeds Goes to Town,” “Lost Horizon,” “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” and “Meet John Doe.” To me, he was the Charles Dickens of Hollywood’s Golden Era with his vision for America coupled with his views on race and class. Check out “Lost Horizon.” Watch how the younger brother of the famed adventurer, an educated Brit, is done in by his own racism to a degree. His older brother has embraced the new Asian culture that saves and restores him. He dresses like a member of the community. His younger brother refuses to do so and his comments about the Asians are rude. “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” is a film that feels more important today than ever before. A young senator fighting graft and proclaiming that the true Christian ethic is “to love thy neighbor.” It should be shown in primetime on one of the three original networks. Film has its own literature, its own set details that inform you more about characters. They could be in the blocking of a scene, the set decoration, the camera angles or the lighting. There’s an often overlooked element in “It’s a Wonderful Life” that shows the power that one ordinary person can have to enriching the world around him. When the near-suicidal George Bailey is saved by Clarence the Angel, he’s given a sort of Christmas Carol-esque view of Christmas Future had he never lived. Bedford Falls is not a fit for family life. It’s owned by the mean Mr. Potter and his corruption is evident everywhere. Liquor, gambling and dancehall hostesses — which was the Old Hollywood way of implying prostitution. And another thing that I never hear anyone mention. There are no Black people in town. After Clarence gives him that awful vision, George realizes that it’s good to be alive and runs home to find that the town has rallied to his financial aid thanks to his loving wife, Mary. Notice how many Black friends and neighbors are in the Baileys’ living room. That says a lot about the character of George and his family. Good choice from the AFI.