Letters From Bobby

A New York City newspaper reporter calculated that Katie Couric will earn $60,000 a day for reading aloud the CBS Evening News Monday through Friday starting in September. How much does the average dedicated elementary school teacher make for reading aloud and safeguarding children fives times a week? Just wondering. Wouldn’t it be cool if a teacher could be Katie’s guest co-anchor every Friday and make half her daily income? THAT would be sweet…..I went to the movies this week. It now costs $10.75 to catch a flick in Manhattan. At the screening I attended, the movie played without audio for five minutes. The audience was shouting “Sound!!!” but to no avail. Now that movies are digital, there’s no one in the projection booth. Ten minutes into the picture, a number of us disgruntled customers got a manager to get someone to fix the problem. However, because the films are digital, they couldn’t rewind to the beginning. I got my $10.75 back. Personally, I think that technology has to be balanced with a human touch otherwise the robots are running the asylum…..Did you hear that fascinating news item about the Gospel of Judas discovery? That is so interesting. I have said to friends that, to me, Judas would have to have been Jesus’ favorite apostle. Without him, Jesus didn’t become legend. If you read the Bible as a novel, it’s sensational and rivetting and unpredictable with an ironic story arc. A young, peaceful carpenter is executed on large pieces wood. That’s irony. I always felt that, in reality, Judas was not the “betrayer” as portrayed in the Bible. The apostles were poor laborers in desert territory in hard times. He could’ve been just some sweet, regular guy who maybe had too much wine on a tense night, talked too much and had no idea of who was within earshot. Did you ever think about that? As for Jesus, why do American productions portray him as a pale man who looks like he grew up in the suburbs of Southern California with indoor plumbing? He was a tough, poor desert dude on a mission. If He was in America today, with his intense psychic and spiritual gifts, do you think the Conservative Party would really be glad to see Him? Read the Bible. He was anti-corporate greed. He helped the poor. He didn’t get on TV and tell you to send him money so He could build a church. If He was in the country today, on His mission, and took on the greed of the oil companies and pharmaceutical companies and then visited an AIDS hospice to give comfort to sick gay men, people would be dragging out the big sticks again to put Him up. He’d be a corporate and conservative threat. Just my opinion….Speaking of psychic powers — when I worked a local Fox morning show, our boss was fascinated with folks who claimed to be psychics and booked them on the show. Once, we got into an argument because actor John Leguizamo was coming to the studio for me to interview him. The boss wanted to give me 90 seconds for the interview. I kid you not. I said, “You gave 8 minutes to a pet psychic who took phone calls and I can’t even get 2 minutes with John Leguizamo?” I got more time with him, but that’s what I had to contend with behind the scenes. Anyway, all the psychics wanted to give me readings — because I was one of the on-air people. So, they’d pull me aside in the green room. This was during the 90s. I always wrote down what they said. My favorite was the time that three read me in the same morning. Each one gave me a different forecast. During a ratings month, they got a lot of bookings from our boss. For grins, I found my old steno pad from those days, tallied up all the Psychic Friends Hotline predictions from the Fox TV green room, and here’s where my life should be right now: I should be living in a two bedroom apartment that I purchased here in Manhattan thanks to the 3-picture deal I had with Warner Bros. I did supporting roles in three comedies that came about because of the comedy work I did in a special on HBO. Giovanni and I purchased a summer home. Giovanni is the very spiritual, but lonely weightlifter who was lonely no more when he met me at the gym. I should now be dividing my time between New York and Chicago, stemming from the juicy TV talkshow offer I got thanks to my new agent, Barbara, early last year. I’m not making this up, you know. In reality, the eight lines I shot Wednesday on Guiding Light were the best work offer I’ve had this year. All the other offers were to be an extra. I think my NYC career is in the “Heaven Only Knows” category. There’s no agent and as for Giovanni….. HA!!! Let’s move on…..Yesterday I was taking the subway home from Times Square. I experienced the best overheard dialogue of the week. The young twinky guy with the bad blond dye job standing next to me said to his female friend, “I’m still doing the porn thing.” My immediate thought was “Damn! Who’s HIS agent? Everyone’s working but me!” I need to relax. So do you. Have a good weekend.

The big news yesterday about CBS was that Katie Couric will be leaving “Today” and for the CBS Evening News. Personally, my big CBS news was that I’d booked a dayplayer role on the daytime drama, Guiding Light. In the business, there are assignments called “Background Actors,” “Under 5’s” and “Dayplayers.” The background title is the new name for “extras.” If you’re character gets to speak and has five lines or less, it’s called an Under 5. If you have more than five lines and you’re hired for just one day, yep…that’s a dayplayer. In those last two categories, you must remember that it’s not about you. If you’re not told to report to hair & make-up, that’s a big clue as to where you are on the casting food chain. You’re function is to help move the story along. You’re not the star. You will have a great opportunity to watch and learn. I certainly did. Without cosmetics and having done my own hair. Daytime drama is like being in the service. You’re up early, you have your battleplan, and you wait. About 7:30am, I had to report to a quick rehearsal that was mainly for camera blocking. The two young stars of the show were present. Both introduced themselves and we extremely polite and warm that early hour before going onstage to play manipulative, socially irresponsible young adults. I worked for years with local news anchors who were not as gracious and those two kids were — and they’re network celebs. I shared a dressing room with another dayplayer. Very handsome, cool dude. He had that Anderson Cooper hair and big bright telegenic blue eyes. He knew my career. In the dressing room, he said something that could’ve made someone else bristle but it made me laugh. CBS is directly across the street from the old VH1 studios were I worked in the late 80s. CBS and VH1 are both related to Paramount Studios. I felt like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. I was returning to my home studio, in a Viacom-glomerate sort of way. My dressing roommate said “Bobby Rivers…you used to be big.” It was like a famous line that William Holden’s character says to Norma in their first meeting. He also knew the peaks and valleys of the business because he saw his sister experience them. He told me that she liked my TV work. It turns out his sister is Andrea McArdle, Broadway’s first “Annie.” I’d interviewed her a couple of times and I immediately could see the resemblance — especially the big blue eyes. Talking with him about life and work was one of the highlights of the day. On the set, I have a telephone scene and the actress I’m talking to wasn’t even on the set during the conversation. Her lines were read by a floorcrew person. I don’t think Denzel Washington or Tom Hanks are gonna be shaking in their boots over my phone scene, but I do feel I’ll have a few seconds that I can pull to use on a demo reel — if needed. We did the scene in one take. I didn’t feel like I’d done anything which, for me, it’s often a good thing. Less is more. When I returned my clothing to wardrobe, the two women in the department told me they watched my scene on the monitor and complimented me on how natural it was, given the unnatural storyline. Also, I had to ignore the camera after years of talking directly to the camera. I learned a lot. Heaven willing, I’ll get to do more of that kind of work. The episode airs May 11th. About the bigger CBS story, one of our local newspapers calculated Katie Couric’s upcoming CBS salary. She’ll be making $60,000 — A DAY. Keep in mind that people like Katie get bonuses and freebies. Bless her heart. I’d be happy to be making $60,000 a year. Can I get an “Amen” on that, Ms. McArdle? Maybe it’ll happen “…tomorrow, tomorrow.”